baby sleeping in same bed as parents - page 4

Someone who is related to me has a new baby. They mentioned by the way the baby has slept in their bed with them every night for his 8 week old life. I am worried they will accidently crush the baby,... Read More

  1. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from mommy2boysaz
    I absolutely agree that it is a matter of choice, but as you can see by the examples I gave in my earlier post, there are potential dangers!

    I sort of look at it like using a car seat. My parents didn't use them, I'm fine. I've never been in a car accident with any of my kids in the car with me, but they are all in car seats appropriate for their ages/sizes. Chances are they'd be fine without the car seats...I'm just not willing to take the risk.
    I've always been of the mindset that if I ever did ANYTHING that resulted in harm to one of my children, and I knew ahead of time that there was even a tiny potential of harm, I'd NEVER be able to forgive myself. That's just me. Obviously kids get hurt accidently all the time and we can't protect them 100% of the time, but if it's in my control, I'm going to err on the side of caution all the time.
    I think you are comparing apples and oranges with your car seat example.

    Of course going without a car seat is dangerous and was dangerous when I was young and I'm probably lucky to be alive. And of course using a car seat now is safer.

    But if you use good judgment and follow the rules about safe co-sleeping, that doesn't equal NOT using a car seat.

    Take a look at the fairly strict co-sleeping rules that Dr. Sears recommends.

    steph
  2. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from dutchgirlrn
    i think the idea of sleeping with your infant is lovely but in reality is it
    d-a-n-g-e-r-o-u-s.

    if you follow the safe co-sleeping rules, it is not dangerous.

    just because someone does it and nothing happened doesn't mean it's okay or safe.

    if someone uses the rules, it is okay and safe.

    secondly, children need their own space. they need to learn to fall asleep on their own.

    i disagree that children need their own space as newborns - it is safer to have them in the room with you, at least in a bassinet or crib or extension on the side of the bed. and they do fall asleep on their own in the family bed.

    i think it's fine to mention to the family member that what they're doing is dangerous or perhaps print off some info from the net to give them. beyond that they will do what they want to and better to say a prayer and let it go.

    dr. sears is a well-respected physician and his advice has been extensively studied and i think to be completely educated, parents need to make an informed choice about this. i've never ever said all parents must do this to be good parents, but those of us who do co-sleep in a safe way following the rules are also good parents.


    steph:icon_hug:
  3. by   deann52
    I never had a problem with my babies sleeping with me. Except for the snoring Most other countries in the world actually think it is really weird to have babies sleep in a crib let alone in thier own room...
  4. by   DutchgirlRN
    Quote from studentmidwifekitty
    young babies don't need their own space, or need to learn to sleep in a room on their own, as sleeping in a room on their own increases the risk of sids.
    where did i say they needed to be in their own room? mine were in a bassinette right next to the bed so i could hear them breathing!

    despite the possible pros, the u.s. consumer product safety commission (cpsc) warns parents not to place their infants to sleep in adult beds, stating that the practice puts babies at risk of suffocation and strangulation. and the american academy of pediatrics (aap) is in agreement with the cpsc.
    cosleeping is a widespread practice in many non-western cultures. however, differences in mattresses, bedding, and other cultural practices may account for the lower risk in these countries as compared with the united states.
    according to the cpsc, at least 515 deaths were linked to infants and toddlers sleeping in adult beds from more than 75% of those deaths involved infants who were under 3 months old. between january 1999 and december 2001, the cpsc reported that more than 100 children under the age of 2 years (98% were less than 1 year old) died after being placed to sleep on an adult bed.

    four primary hazards of infants sleeping in an adult bed:
    • suffocation caused by an adult rolling on top of or next to a baby
    • suffocation when an infant gets trapped or wedged between a mattress and headboard, nightstand, wall, or other rigid object
    • suffocation resulting from a baby being face-down on a waterbed, a regular mattress, or on soft bedding such as pillows, blankets, or quilts
    • strangulation in a headboard or footboard that allows part of an infant's body to pass through an area while trapping the baby's head
    despite these potential risks, some people dispute the cpsc's findings. cosleeping advocates say it isn't inherently dangerous and that the cpsc went too far in recommending that parents never sleep with children under 2 years of age. according to supporters of cosleeping, parents won't roll over onto a baby because they're conscious of the baby's presence — even during sleep.
    those who should not cosleep with an infant, however, include:
    • other children — particularly toddlers — because they might not be aware of the baby's presence
    • parents who are under the influence of alcohol or any drug because that could diminish their awareness of the baby
    • parents who smoke because the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (sids) is greater
    but can cosleeping cause sids? the connection between cosleeping and sids is unclear and research is ongoing. some cosleeping researchers have suggested that it can reduce the risk of sids because cosleeping parents and babies tend to wake up more often throughout the night. however, the aap reports that some studies suggest that, under certain conditions, cosleeping may increase the risk of sids, especially cosleeping environments involving mothers who smoke.
    in addition to the potential safety risks, sharing a bed with a baby can sometimes prevent parents from getting a good night's sleep. and infants who cosleep can learn to associate sleep with being close to a parent in the parent's bed, which may become a problem at naptime or when the infant needs to go to sleep before the parent is ready.
    http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/gen...osleeping.html
    Last edit by DutchgirlRN on Mar 21, '07
  5. by   clee1
    Not at my house.... not ever.

    Not only is it potentially dangerous, it sets a precedent I'd rather not have to break later on.
  6. by   momtoseven
    I have seven children all who have slept with us. Easier with breastfeeding as well as peace of mind. It is all a matter of personal opinion.
  7. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from dutchgirlrn
    where did i say they needed to be in their own room? mine were in a bassinette right next to the bed so i could hear them breathing!

    ***secondly, children need their own space.***sorry, i interpreted this to mean their own bedroom. i apologize. :-)

    despite the possible pros, the u.s. consumer product safety commission (cpsc) warns parents not to place their infants to sleep in adult beds, stating that the practice puts babies at risk of suffocation and strangulation. and the american academy of pediatrics (aap) is in agreement with the cpsc.
    cosleeping is a widespread practice in many non-western cultures. however, differences in mattresses, bedding, and other cultural practices may account for the lower risk in these countries as compared with the united states.
    according to the cpsc, at least 515 deaths were linked to infants and toddlers sleeping in adult beds from more than 75% of those deaths involved infants who were under 3 months old. between january 1999 and december 2001, the cpsc reported that more than 100 children under the age of 2 years (98% were less than 1 year old) died after being placed to sleep on an adult bed.

    four primary hazards of infants sleeping in an adult bed:
    • suffocation caused by an adult rolling on top of or next to a baby
    • suffocation when an infant gets trapped or wedged between a mattress and headboard, nightstand, wall, or other rigid object
    • suffocation resulting from a baby being face-down on a waterbed, a regular mattress, or on soft bedding such as pillows, blankets, or quilts
    • strangulation in a headboard or footboard that allows part of an infant's body to pass through an area while trapping the baby's head
    despite these potential risks, some people dispute the cpsc's findings. cosleeping advocates say it isn't inherently dangerous and that the cpsc went too far in recommending that parents never sleep with children under 2 years of age. according to supporters of cosleeping, parents won't roll over onto a baby because they're conscious of the baby's presence — even during sleep.
    those who should not cosleep with an infant, however, include:
    • other children — particularly toddlers — because they might not be aware of the baby's presence
    • parents who are under the influence of alcohol or any drug because that could diminish their awareness of the baby
    • parents who smoke because the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (sids) is greater
    but can cosleeping cause sids? the connection between cosleeping and sids is unclear and research is ongoing. some cosleeping researchers have suggested that it can reduce the risk of sids because cosleeping parents and babies tend to wake up more often throughout the night. however, the aap reports that some studies suggest that, under certain conditions, cosleeping may increase the risk of sids, especially cosleeping environments involving mothers who smoke.
    in addition to the potential safety risks, sharing a bed with a baby can sometimes prevent parents from getting a good night's sleep. and infants who cosleep can learn to associate sleep with being close to a parent in the parent's bed, which may become a problem at naptime or when the infant needs to go to sleep before the parent is ready.
    http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/gen...osleeping.html
    good morning - if you look at the link from dr. sears, it addresses the above issues and refutes them. (especially the sids stuff).

    as i said, there are safe co-sleeping rules that minimize risks.

    co-sleeping enabled me to actually get more sleep since i could breastfeed my babies before they fully came awake screaming. i think that is one of the draws for parents. more sleep.

    and all parents should be educated to make their own choice.

    steph
    Last edit by Spidey's mom on Mar 22, '07
  8. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from clee1
    Not at my house.... not ever.

    Not only is it potentially dangerous, it sets a precedent I'd rather not have to break later on.
    And I completely agree with you that you should make the choice for your own family. No criticism here.

    My oldest son turned 24 yesterday and there was no precedent set for him regarding co-sleeping . . he sleeps on his own quite well. Actually, our three older kids were in their own beds by about 2 but with our last little guy, who was a surprise to parents in their 40's we are realizing how quickly kids grow up and are taking the time to enjoy having a little one again. So, he is 5 and still sleeps with us although he is being transitioned into his own bed down the hall. Our other kids are 17 and 22 and they also sleep in their own beds w/o trouble. (I just remembered one time when our #2 son had a nightmare and came downstairs to sleep at the end of our bed - he wouldn't get in the bed with us but was too scared to go back upstairs - we live in a creaky old house - so he just stayed at the foot of the bed.)

    I guess I don't see the need to make co-sleeping families feel like we are doing something dangerous IF we follow the rules.

    It worked for my family and others and I for one will continue to educate parents on safe co-sleeping.

    steph
  9. by   justme1972
    Quote from stevielynn
    But were these FOUR newborns' parents following the safe co-sleeping rules?

    And where is the 30% figure from?

    steph
    The 30% figure is from Dr. Michael Baden. I'm a huge fan of his and this stat was quoted when he was asked to investigate a death of twins that BOTH died in bed with the mother....but this particular case, the death of the twins were different, the mother took them to bed with her and was highly intoxicated when she did.

    The same mother also had lost a prior infant to a rollover death when she was NOT intoxicated. I can still remember the mother crying, "The research you read is so conflicting whether you should sleep or not sleep with your baby."

    I think another poster said it best....just because something didn't happen to one baby doesn't automatically render it a safe practice. Was it because you (and I mean that in the plural sense) got lucky or was it because you were a light sleeper or had a "safe" practice that you believed that worked?

    Mothers, myself included (and I'll admit here I took a nap or two with my twins, but not until they were nearly one), have to decide: Can you live with the worst possible consequence if you make that choice?

    When my kids were newborns, no matter how sleep deprived I was, were never in my bed. I would have probably been suicidal if something happened to them.

    However, when get my RN...if I am speaking as a healthcare practitioner, there is no way I could condone that to a mother. The co-sleepers that attach to the side of the mattress are amazing things and I really wished I had had one. Instead I kept the two bassinets by my bedside until they were old enough for a crib.
  10. by   ElvishDNP
    There are a lot of inherent risks in putting your kids in a 1000lb steel death machine and driving to the store or wherever else too, but most of us do it every day. Having your kids in the bed with you seems a lot safer than having them in the car with you.

    I certainly don't look down on anyone because they DON'T cosleep but do educate parents who want to how to do it safely.
  11. by   crissrn27
    I think parents would feel just as guilty to find their baby in his crib, if the baby died from sids. They probably feel like if they had put him to bed with them, it could have been avoided. Babies die in cribs and babies die in parents bed. As to the percentage of babies that die in beds vs. cribs, the numbers are not exact (as to how many babies go to bed with parents) b/c people don't 'fess up to putting their babies in bed with them, I know I don't tell certain people that I sleep with my kids , cause I don't want a lecture. I think we should stop blaming parents, and try to find the reasons babies continue to die, and hopefully stop it.
    BTW, I do follow Dr. Sears "rules" and would hope every co-sleeping parents does! My dd is almost 3 and we finally have a headboard back and our mattress isn't on the floor anymore,
    Oh, and pillows and heavy covers, like the pillows and covers now that she is older, lol
    Last edit by crissrn27 on Mar 22, '07
  12. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from Arwen_U
    There are a lot of inherent risks in putting your kids in a 1000lb steel death machine and driving to the store or wherever else too, but most of us do it every day. Having your kids in the bed with you seems a lot safer than having them in the car with you.

    I certainly don't look down on anyone because they DON'T cosleep but do educate parents who want to how to do it safely.
    I think that is the key - don't look down on those of us who choose to co-sleep using common sense and rules to keep our kids safe.

    And educate people - don't leave them in the dark about the data regarding the safety of co-sleeping, when the rules are followed.

    Exactly by the same logic that something might happen, we probably shouldn't get in a car with our kids.

    steph
  13. by   NurseyBaby'05
    I've seen lots of info regarding safe co-sleeping and will probably do so when this boy decides to come out. (He's only due on Monday . . . .:sigh: ) We have a co-sleeper and there's no way he's going near dad's side of the bed. He's too heavy of a sleeper. Half the time he doesn't know if he's rolled over on me. I may put the baby between me and the co-sleeper if I decided to keep him in bed.

    However, one concern I do have has not been addressed. What do people do when baby's old enough to start crawling? I'm afraid of him waking up before me/us and launching himself off the bed. I really don't want to be awoken by a thump and scream. I'd like to have him in our bed longer than the first few months, but I don't see how I can.

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