OK, a few brave, sick souls (like me) asked for it, so here's the sequel!!! Wendy, thanks for the title and the ideas!!!!
As the curtain rises, the LTC nurse, ER Nurse, Med-surg Nurse and ICU nurse are on the stand in a bleak, dark courtroom. A bewigged, black-gowned judge is sitting at attention. In addition to the Malpractice Lawyer, we now have the Hospital Management Lawyer, dressed in dominatrix gear, stiletto heels, and cracking a large whip. Sweet Penelope and Dr. Brilliance are seated in the audience.
Malpractice lawyer: "And is it not true, ER nurse, that you left Poor Prudence choking on her secretions for one full minute?"
ER Nurse: "But that loogie was the size of a Texas mole, and my suction equipment in the ER is from the first World War! I couldn't get it to function properly. I did the best I could!"
Hospital Management Lawyer (cracking her whip): Objection! The hospital equipment is not on trial here. The ER nurse should have sucked the the loogie out mouth-to-mouth.
Malpractice lawyer: And is it not true, LTC nurse, that if you had detected Poor Prudence's change in status sooner, she might be with us in her normal, contracted, poorly responsive state today?
LTC nurse: But I was caring for 40 patients with the assistance of one CNA! I couldn't be everywhere at once. I called Dr. Brilliant as soon as I could!
Hospital Mangement Lawyer (cracking her whip): Objection! I have it on good authority that roller skates were readily available in that institution.
LTC nurse: But I can't skate!
Judge: That is irrelevent. Sustained.
Malpractice lawyer: And is it not true, Med-surg nurse, that you left Poor Prudence on the bedpan for five minutes after her call light rang?
Sweet Penelope: Oh yes. Poor Granny Prudence had a bedpan imprint on her butt up until the time she died. (Weeps into handkerchief).
Med-Surg Nurse: But I had five other patients, and one of them was coding!
Hospital Management Lawyer (whip crack): Objection: The staffing is not an issue. It is in this nurse's contract that she has to be in multiple places at once.
Malpractice Lawyer: And is it not true, ICU nurse, that you refused to accept Poor Prudence into the ICU?
ICU Nurse: But she was a DNR, and I was receiving a 35 year old MI from the ER! I didn't have a bed!
Hospital Management Lawyer (whip crack): The ICU nurse could have stacked the patients two to a bed. They would have alternated use of the cardiac monitor, IV pumps, bedpan and Foley, thereby saving the hospital money.
Judge: Sustained. It is hereby the judgement of this court that all of the nurses should sign their worldly goods over to Sweet Penelope and the Malpractice Lawyer, and become indentured slaves to the Hospital Management.
Suddenly a bright light shines and Poor Prudence flies in with angel wings, harp, and a very large white cat.
Poor Prudence: Just hold on there! I have something to say about this! Those nurses did the best they could to give me good care and advocate for me. MY judgement overrides in this case. (Produces paper). Sweet Penelope, this is my last will and testament. I leave my 400 million dollars to Mortimer, my cat. Mortimer will oversee the Pet Visitation Program at the new Allnurse hospital, staffed and directed by patient advocate nurses, and with all the latest equipment. And as for the rest of you... (Prudence bops the Malpractice Lawyer, Hospital Lawyer and Judge over the head with her harp and then impales them on rectal tubes).
Allnurses: "We are saved! And we have a wonderful, progressive institution! Thank you, Poor Prudence."
Sweet Penelope: "Oh, very well, Granny Prudence. But this really sucks!" (Weeping into handkerchief again).
Dr. Brilliance (hopping up and down): "Can I be the Medical Director?"
And the curtain rings down!