Assertive or aggressive?

Gator,SN · Apr 26, 2003

I had a dispute with a coworker and could not settle it so I utilized the chain of command and talked to my supervisor about it. When I went back to talk to the coworker, looking for resolve, she told me that my actions were aggressive toward her and she was angry.

Is this seen as aggression? I have never done it before, but I really felt that I was more assertive, than aggressive.

Is their some "rule" about this type of thing that I am not aware of?

Anyone have experience with this? Help!

Gator

Rapheal · Apr 26, 2003

Gator,

I think I need more info to form an opinion on this. What type of dispute? Did it need to be resolved or could it have been just a difference of opinion without the need for resolution? Let us know so that we can be more helpful in answering your question.

Rapheal · Apr 26, 2003

Gator,

I think I need more info to form an opinion on this. What type of dispute? Did it need to be resolved or could it have been just a difference of opinion without the need for resolution? Let us know so that we can be more helpful in answering your question.

gwenith, BSN, RN · Apr 26, 2003

The words "Aggressve" and "assertive" became buzz words in management a couple of years ago whne a theory of personal interactions was formulated (sorry remember the content can't remember the theory) Interactions were described as either "passive", "aggressive" or "Assertive" or a comibnation of the three so that if you were the sort of person who put up with crud for a long time before telling somene to stick it, you were "passive aggressive". If you told them up front to stick it you were aggressive. The correct response according to these theorists was to quietly tell the person why you were in disaggreeance with them - this was "assertive" .

Like many of these theories it was way too simple to be truly practical in real life. Worse it has become a tool of bullies. Like you, I have had a bully using the term to turn my attempt to resolve a situation in a calm and reasonable manner into a "your fault" situation. It was not until I realised that no matter what I did or how I did it I would have one of these labels of "inappropraite response" stuck on me. It becomes a convenient way to enforce a "no win" situation.

Go back to your colleague and ask how SHE thought you should have handled it. Keep in mind bullies ( and I am not accusing her of being one) HATE having thier behaviours reported to managment.

gwenith, BSN, RN · Apr 26, 2003

The words "Aggressve" and "assertive" became buzz words in management a couple of years ago whne a theory of personal interactions was formulated (sorry remember the content can't remember the theory) Interactions were described as either "passive", "aggressive" or "Assertive" or a comibnation of the three so that if you were the sort of person who put up with crud for a long time before telling somene to stick it, you were "passive aggressive". If you told them up front to stick it you were aggressive. The correct response according to these theorists was to quietly tell the person why you were in disaggreeance with them - this was "assertive" .

Like many of these theories it was way too simple to be truly practical in real life. Worse it has become a tool of bullies. Like you, I have had a bully using the term to turn my attempt to resolve a situation in a calm and reasonable manner into a "your fault" situation. It was not until I realised that no matter what I did or how I did it I would have one of these labels of "inappropraite response" stuck on me. It becomes a convenient way to enforce a "no win" situation.

Go back to your colleague and ask how SHE thought you should have handled it. Keep in mind bullies ( and I am not accusing her of being one) HATE having thier behaviours reported to managment.

sjoe · Apr 26, 2003

"It was not until I realised that no matter what I did or how I did it I would have one of these labels of "inappropraite response" stuck on me. It becomes a convenient way to enforce a "no win" situation. "

And I would say the same thing about MOST of the PC phrases bandied about these days.

sjoe · Apr 26, 2003

"It was not until I realised that no matter what I did or how I did it I would have one of these labels of "inappropraite response" stuck on me. It becomes a convenient way to enforce a "no win" situation. "

And I would say the same thing about MOST of the PC phrases bandied about these days.

Gator,SN · Apr 26, 2003

I think I need more info to form an opinion on this. What type of dispute? Did it need to be resolved or could it have been just a difference of opinion without the need for resolution? Let us know so that we can be more helpful in answering your question

I work at a hospital and I also had 4 weeks of clinical there, on the same floor that I work on as a nursing assistant. I arrived at clinical and was waiting for report to start when my co-worker informed that my patient (assigned to her) was to be in endo by 0715 and that I needed to get her ready to go. I told her that I couldn't do it at that time because I had not received report yet and I didn't feel comfortable. I knew nothing about the patient except sex and age. My instructor had not arrived yet.

She blasted me infront of my classmates and other staff- "you want to be a nurse, well this is how the real world is, you don't get to do everything your way and whenever you want to!"

I told her that it was only because my instructors had informed me that taking report was "legally taking responsibility for the patient" and I had not done so, but she was too angry to listen. I did check the consent forms, hang the secondary line and transfer the patient and take her to the holding room, just so she would stop talking about me to everyone who would listen and missed report anyway. Next I went to her and I asked to speak to her in private and she refused, so I went to my supervisor (hers too) and I told her that while I am a student I want to be treated like one and she should not take the liberty to treat me that way because I work their as an NA and we are familiar with each other.

I waited a few days, until we were working together again and I asked a second time to talk to her about what had happened and she told me that I'm aggressive and she is angry about it and will not speak to me unless it is work related.

Gator

Gator,SN · Apr 26, 2003

I think I need more info to form an opinion on this. What type of dispute? Did it need to be resolved or could it have been just a difference of opinion without the need for resolution? Let us know so that we can be more helpful in answering your question

I work at a hospital and I also had 4 weeks of clinical there, on the same floor that I work on as a nursing assistant. I arrived at clinical and was waiting for report to start when my co-worker informed that my patient (assigned to her) was to be in endo by 0715 and that I needed to get her ready to go. I told her that I couldn't do it at that time because I had not received report yet and I didn't feel comfortable. I knew nothing about the patient except sex and age. My instructor had not arrived yet.

She blasted me infront of my classmates and other staff- "you want to be a nurse, well this is how the real world is, you don't get to do everything your way and whenever you want to!"

I told her that it was only because my instructors had informed me that taking report was "legally taking responsibility for the patient" and I had not done so, but she was too angry to listen. I did check the consent forms, hang the secondary line and transfer the patient and take her to the holding room, just so she would stop talking about me to everyone who would listen and missed report anyway. Next I went to her and I asked to speak to her in private and she refused, so I went to my supervisor (hers too) and I told her that while I am a student I want to be treated like one and she should not take the liberty to treat me that way because I work their as an NA and we are familiar with each other.

I waited a few days, until we were working together again and I asked a second time to talk to her about what had happened and she told me that I'm aggressive and she is angry about it and will not speak to me unless it is work related.

Gator

Rapheal · Apr 26, 2003

sjoe,

chuckles..... I too have noticed that the term "inappropriate" can be used to say " I don't like what you said".

Rapheal · Apr 26, 2003

sjoe,

chuckles..... I too have noticed that the term "inappropriate" can be used to say " I don't like what you said".