Are nurses unsupportive spouse magnets??

  1. Hey just taking this to the people. What's your opinion? Are nurturing types like us often attracted to the wrong types? Do you do "everything for everyone" at home as well as at work? How do you cope with the situation? Where do you draw the line? Any advice?
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  2. 82 Comments

  3. by   TheCommuter
    Many of my female nurse coworkers are married to men who are either unemployed, underemployed, unsupportive, uneducated or undereducated, abusive, addicted, or controlling.

    Since many nurses have wonderful spouses who are great sources or support, I know this is definitely not the case with all married members of the nursing profession. However, I was just relaying my observations.
  4. by   EmmaG
    Nurses are at high risk for co-dependency, IMO. Of course this could be a 'chicken and egg' kinda thing--- are co-dependents drawn to nursing, or does nursing encourage development of co-dependent behaviours?

    Excellent book: http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No.../dp/0894864025
  5. by   leslie :-D
    really, commuter?
    really, emmanuel?
    hmmm.
    haven't seen either.
    i know plenty of nurses who are married to firefighters and policemen.
    hmmmm, again.

    leslie
  6. by   Tweety
    We can nuture and not be co-depedent. If we as nurses are nurturing people at work and them come home to become Atilla the Hun, what's the point in that? When I was "married" part of my purpose in life was to nuture the relationship, our home and our family (us and the two dogs....LOL). This actually came first before any job or patient.

    However, it can't be all give give give without help. We deserve to be in relationships where we ourselves are nutured. It's a give and take thing.

    If you're not getting the nuturing you need, then counseling might help.
  7. by   TheCommuter
    Quote from earle58
    really, commuter?
    I had also stated in my previous post, in the second paragraph, that many nurses have wonderful spouses who are great sources of support.

    Also, some female nurses have "married up" and have spouses who are physicians, attorneys, engineers, businessmen, and so forth.
  8. by   Tweety
    Quote from TheCommuter
    I had also stated in my previous post, in the second paragraph, that many nurses have wonderful spouses who are great sources or support.

    Also, some female nurses have "married up" and have spouses who are physicians, attorneys, engineers, businessmen, and so forth.
    Nursing and their spouses are just to broad across the country to make any kind of generalization like we're "unsupportive spouse magnets". Your experience with the nurses you know and work with is interesting. I've seen you make a lot of negative statements about nurses, wonder if the area you live is a magnet for dysfunctional nurses.
  9. by   TheCommuter
    Quote from Tweety
    Nursing and their spouses are just to broad across the country to make any kind of generalization like we're "unsupportive spouse magnets". Your experience with the nurses you know and work with is interesting. I've seen you make a lot of negative statements about nurses, wonder if the area you live is a magnet for dysfunctional nurses.
    Perhaps. . . :spin:

    Or, maybe I'm becoming too jaded and disillusioned way too soon in my career.
  10. by   jenrninmi
    Nope, not where I work and definately not in my case. Husband is an engineer, and also in the Army National Guard, a very hard worker, and pulls more than his share at home. Other nurses I work with - husbands tend to be engineers, policemen, firefighters, business owners...
    Maybe it depends on where you live?
  11. by   Tweety
    Quote from TheCommuter
    Perhaps. . . :spin:

    Or, maybe I'm becoming too jaded and disillusioned way too soon in my career.

    Happens to the best of us.
  12. by   sticknurse
    Thank you for your input. I am inquiring because I feel like I've learned the hard way personally, how to look out for myself. I used to allow my ex to cause me all kinds of problems. I finally let him go. I would have advised a client to get out, but I stayed and put up with it for a long time. I finally took a class about boundaries, where I learned to stand up and protect what was good about myself. I didn't have to be understanding when others abused me at home. I didn't have to make excuses for them ie. well, he's had a rough time, and he's emotionally compromised due to his childhood etc. There's no way I would go down that path again, but I did. Here I thought I was smarter than that!! Met alot of nurses along the way who had similar situations. Just wondered how you all have coped...keep em coming!!
  13. by   Tweety
    Quote from sticknurse
    Thank you for your input. I am inquiring because I feel like I've learned the hard way personally, how to look out for myself. I used to allow my ex to cause me all kinds of problems. I finally let him go. I would have advised a client to get out, but I stayed and put up with it for a long time. I finally took a class about boundaries, where I learned to stand up and protect what was good about myself. I didn't have to be understanding when others abused me at home. I didn't have to make excuses for them ie. well, he's had a rough time, and he's emotionally compromised due to his childhood etc. There's no way I would go down that path again, but I did. Here I thought I was smarter than that!! Met alot of nurses along the way who had similar situations. Just wondered how you all have coped...keep em coming!!
    Thansk for sharing. I'm sure that you can use your experience to help others.
  14. by   azor
    I believe what matters in a family is peace and good relation even if you make more or your DH makes more money.If your DH makes more but there is no peace and good relationship btw you,you can never be happy.
    Whichever one you find yourself in,be contempted and do your thing.It's good to be good and it pays to be a good person.

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