Are nurses unsupportive spouse magnets?? - page 3

Hey just taking this to the people. What's your opinion? Are nurturing types like us often attracted to the wrong types? Do you do "everything for everyone" at home as well as at work? How do you... Read More

  1. by   EmmaG
    Quote from earle58
    i work with a feisty crew.
    and i need to get out more.

    leslie
  2. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from TheCommuter
    Yes. . .

    Sociological studies have proven that, under most circumstances, women do not date or marry "down." For example, the female neurosurgeon with an upper class background is discouraged from becoming involved with the male gas station attendant who has the lower class background. Most women aspire to date or marry equally (within their class), with the exception of the most beautiful women who "marry up."
    I think those are stereotypes. Smart men choose blue collar work all the time.

    Men who want to have a job that lets them work outside in the wilderness and not be constrained by office walls. Like my dh - who is a logger and who worked as a gas station attendant in high school and now drives a logging truck and has started a business chipping. He also has a very high IQ (although I'm not a big fan of IQ tests).

    Most of the women I know here in rural CA have husbands who chose "lower class jobs" and are very smart and supportive and great, involved fathers.

    One of my sons has a bachelors degree in history and political science. The other operates a machine that cuts down trees. Both tested high in all subjects in high school. Both are equal in my eyes.

    I didn't marry "down" . . . . I married my equal. Whether he works at a gas station or is a neurosurgeon.

    steph
  3. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from earle58
    you too, huh?
    that's good to hear.
    sometimes i read these threads/posts that are so foreign to me.
    i sit here, scratching my head.
    sure, i've met women w/poor self-esteems and codependency issues.
    but i've never recognized it in nsg.
    granted, i've been at 1 job and have lived in 1 area since graduating 11 yrs ago.
    but dang, the female nurses and non-nurses i know, are a bunch of spitfires...
    independent, assertive, spunky and self-assured.
    really makes one wonder.

    leslie
    Me too . . . . and I'm in California.


    steph
  4. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from stevielynn

    I didn't marry "down" . . . . I married my equal. Whether he works at a gas station or is a neurosurgeon.

    steph
  5. by   TheCommuter
    Quote from stevielynn
    Smart men choose blue collar work all the time.
    Blue-collar work is not the most prudent choice in 2007, with all of the higher-paying factory jobs withering away, never to be seen again. I clearly remember the bitter, drawn-out grocery store strikes of 2003 and 2004 in Southern California, and saw the financial ruin experienced by the supermarket clerks due to their lack of employment options. I have seen the devastation caused when General Motors lays off thousands of workers who have no hopes of finding another $60,000 factory job ever again.

    I grew up in a very blue-collar household, and I worked in a factory for three years before I awakened and saw the instability of the manufacturing field. Workers built this marvelous nation, but today's economy calls for high-tech skills and education.

    I've digressed to the point of no return.

    Sorry for veering off the subject. . .
  6. by   caroladybelle
    Quote from Emmanuel Goldstein
    I have seen this far too many times to believe otherwise. Sure, not all nurses marry dependents, or care for everyone but themselves; but enough to make me wary.
    As a single female nurse, I find that I tend to attract men that want to be taken care of and it annoys the heck out of me.

    I was stupid enough to try the Internet thing on a religious BB. And was also stupid enough to list that I was an RN. Breakdown of respondents:

    35% were of a religious group that is really incompatible with mine. As in trying to eliminate mine from the face of the Earth.

    50% were from another very distant nation - in most cases, a third world country - some of whom offered me money for relationship (presumably green card relationship - as there was nothing in common).

    Of the 50% that were American, most were older than me (by 20 years or more), "retired/disabled" (when you are 30-50 years old, what are you retired from or disabled from), "legally separated" (in my religion, "legally separated" is still married and not acceptable for dating). Quite a few couldn't master basic elementary school spelling/grammar in forming a response. Perhaps the tackiest were the ones that sent unsolicited photos of themselves wearing skimpy swim trunks or shirtless photos.

    A clue, if one is on a religious BB, and that religion generally adheres to conservative dress standards, sending an shirtless photo unsolicited is inadvisable....especially when your chest is definitely not that great.

    Some men have this view of , "Oh nursey, take care of me.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I now stay off internet dating sites. And I don't tell many men what I do for a living until I know them well.
  7. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from caroladybelle

    Some men have this view of , "Oh nursey, take care of me.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    ew.
    i'd rather be a born-again virgin.

    and ftr, my husband thinks i'm the worst nurse he ever, EVER met.
    evidentally i don't excel in kissing boo-boo's back to health.

    leslie
  8. by   sharona97
    My Husband is a blue collar worker making plenty and not having enough help to get all his construction jobs done! He comes home stressed, like me, he makes twice the money I make and am thankful he's not a selfish man.

    I tried the internet thing before our marriage and what a hoot, you were crackin me up carol!!!

    I think it just comes down to taking care of yourself (not always easy to do, i know) and treating people decent.:spin:
  9. by   CRNI-ICU20
    I have worked alot of places in 20+ years....and I have to say that nurses, both men and women, tend to have some very needy spouses....
    At the place I currently work, I can think of at least one third of our staff who have had or are currently in an imbalanced or bad relationship with a spouse who is unemployed, or not plugged in to the needs of the kids, or does nothing to help out at home, or spend alot of time on the internet talking with "others".....some of these people have been in and out of court with restraining orders/or bailing the bad one out of jail...(which astounds me) or they have come to work crying, or leave to go home crying, or they have "unexplained" bruises...or they find out the bank account is drained....
    Yes....we enable...and there are some in the world who take advantage of that....been there, done that...unfortunately have the t-shirt...
    To caroladybelle: I smiled at your experience.....I can relate....the dating scene is a frong pond....with alot of toads....
    I am happily single....it beats being miserably married....
  10. by   PostpartumNurse'07
    Quote from caroladybelle
    As a single female nurse, I find that I tend to attract men that want to be taken care of and it annoys the heck out of me.
    caroladybelle,

    oh, girl, I know exactly how you feel.

    I definitely run aways from the 'fatherly' type that wants a maid to take care of them in their old age.

    I'd rather be single than in that kind of relationship.
  11. by   CHATSDALE
    i was an enabler, codependent under control and miserable until i started work outside of the home

    no offense intended to our masculine co-posters but single men of a certain age want a nurse [to nurse them not esp occupation] with a purse [somehow they got the idea that they are worth a whole lot more than they really are]
    a spouse should be a partner, if you take advantage of someone or you let someone take advantage of you you don't have a relationship and it won't last
  12. by   nyapa
    Some interesting comments here.
    1. My husband and I are very supportive of each other. He is no longer working, but that is due to inability not intention. So he does things around the house; in fact I worry about him because he does not have contact with many others.

    He supported me emotionally through my RN studies; I was a fanatic with my assignments (because I was terrified of failing) and consequently I am embarrassed to say that I was not easy to live with!

    I support him financially but seriously, a marriage is a sharing thing, and my husband is up there with the best.

    2.The comment earlier re: ppl choosing nursing who come from families where parents were alcoholics because they are used to being in crisis mode ...it would be interesting to do a study on something like that...
  13. by   bethin
    Quote from earle58
    i know plenty of nurses who are married to firefighters and policemen.
    hmmmm, again.

    leslie
    Same here. Lots of nurses married to other nurses and firefighter, policemen, one is married to an attorney and another is married to a commercial airline pilot. There's only one nurse whose husband was abusive - she left him and she took the kid. It's a broad spectrum out there. For the most part, the nurses have supporting husbands who understand the demands of their jobs. The policeman husband would stop by on his night shift on our floor and get our orders and bring the food to us. Now that's understanding. Love that man!

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