Are nurses unsupportive spouse magnets?? - page 2

Hey just taking this to the people. What's your opinion? Are nurturing types like us often attracted to the wrong types? Do you do "everything for everyone" at home as well as at work? How do you... Read More

  1. by   cmo421
    Ok I am guilty as charged. I married someone who had major issues. But I divorced him too!! Many people become nurses because they need to be needed, are controlling, have had a difficult childhood,or maybe a bad experience. Some just go into it to meet a mate. Whatever.
    As far as "many are married to policeman and fireman", that is a whole different topic! Kidding. Nurses along with fireman and police are service driven.We start out because we love to take care,heal,advocate and are hands on. Is it any wonder why many end up with each other. Who else could tolerate us? And as far as some "marrying up", I did not think that anyone was better then a Nurse!!!
    I now have a very supportive partner. Neither a fireman,or policeman. Sometimes it takes awhile to find that special person.
  2. by   PostpartumNurse'07
    I have to admit that "I love to be needed", which is probably a large reason why I went into nursing. I'm fairly young (just turned 26) and not married --single, no boyfriend --and I have found that men who seem to be attracted to me are often the needy, emotional, help-me-fix-my-life types. Luckily I never ended up marrying any of them.

    I have since decided that if I am ever to be in another relationship, there are some basic standards that the guy must meet. Not superficial ones, but things like having some kind of ambition in life, supportive, confident, and not always complaining. Also, must have a job, or be on the way to getting a job at some point. (In the past, my only 2 long-term relationships were with guys that were unemployed indefinitely.)

    I think I've learned that a lot of the time in life, we get what we ask for. If I make it a point to have someone who is supportive and capable, versus whiny and lazy, then there is higher chance of me finding someone like that.
  3. by   sharona97
    I'm guilty as charged too. Did everything for everybody but myself, and had to learn the hard way to take care of me. Now I have a supportive, very loving husband and we laugh at ourselves if we start being stupid!!!!
  4. by   EmmaG
    Quote from earle58
    really, commuter?
    really, emmanuel?
    hmmm.
    haven't seen either.
    i know plenty of nurses who are married to firefighters and policemen.
    hmmmm, again.

    leslie
    Yeah, really.

    How many nurses are perfectionists? How many beat themselves up over the most insignificant of mistakes? How many get angry when their patients choose their own way, rather than what the nurse wishes them to do? Or become frustrated and disillusioned when they just can't "reach" a patient? I can't tell you the number of times I've heard "Well, if he isn't going to follow the recommended treatment, why doesn't he just go home?" How many nurses feel guilty for not working extra shifts when asked? Or work off the clock at the end of their shift 'to finish up'? Or feel they have to complete each and every task before handing their patient load over to the next shift? How many feel personally responsible for their patients' outcomes? And so on...

    Many of the attributes of an excellent nurse can become pathologic if you don't take time out to care for yourself. And for those who don't set those boundaries, they often are magnets for needy people. (perhaps it's a mutual attraction)

    That's all I'm saying...
  5. by   classicdame
    I once worked on a unit where everyone on my shift was married to a man who could not or would not work. So depends on what you mean by "supportive".

    I believe most nurses are enablers. We try to fix everything and everybody to our own detriment.
  6. by   EmmaG
    Quote from classicdame
    I once worked on a unit where everyone on my shift was married to a man who could not or would not work. So depends on what you mean by "supportive".

    I believe most nurses are enablers. We try to fix everything and everybody to our own detriment.
    I have seen this far too many times to believe otherwise. Sure, not all nurses marry dependents, or care for everyone but themselves; but enough to make me wary.
  7. by   GadgetRN71
    I had read an article that talked about a study of children of alcoholics. They found that many of these adult children were in careers such as nursing because they were used to being in crisis mode, some of the doc/nurse dynamic can be seen as codependent, and nurses often put others needs before their own. Are all nurses in codependent relationships? No, not all. But I believe the numbers are up there.
  8. by   sharona97
    I should have gone into it further with the supportive thing, becauseI hear what you're saying and agree with you. Was once in a bad situation, got out of it, brushed myself off and now have a husband who is supportive in communication and listens well. I'm sure I'm not alone on this one!
  9. by   Spidey's mom
    "Marry up"?

    My husband has been very supportive. He encouraged me through nursing school when I felt like quitting. We are equal partners.

    Not that he doesn't piss me off sometimes or vice versa. No one is perfect.

    But controlling? No way.

    steph
  10. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from Emmanuel Goldstein
    Yeah, really.

    How many nurses are perfectionists? How many beat themselves up over the most insignificant of mistakes? How many get angry when their patients choose their own way, rather than what the nurse wishes them to do? Or become frustrated and disillusioned when they just can't "reach" a patient? I can't tell you the number of times I've heard "Well, if he isn't going to follow the recommended treatment, why doesn't he just go home?" How many nurses feel guilty for not working extra shifts when asked? Or work off the clock at the end of their shift 'to finish up'? Or feel they have to complete each and every task before handing their patient load over to the next shift? How many feel personally responsible for their patients' outcomes? And so on...
    i work with a feisty crew.
    and i need to get out more.

    leslie
  11. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from earle58
    i work with a feisty crew.
    and i need to get out more.

    leslie
    Me too . . . .


    steph
  12. by   TheCommuter
    Quote from stevielynn
    "Marry up"?
    Yes. . .

    Sociological studies have proven that, under most circumstances, women do not date or marry "down." For example, the female neurosurgeon with an upper class background is discouraged from becoming involved with the male gas station attendant who has the lower class background. Most women aspire to date or marry equally (within their class), with the exception of the most beautiful women who "marry up."
  13. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from stevielynn
    Me too . . . .


    steph
    you too, huh?
    that's good to hear.
    sometimes i read these threads/posts that are so foreign to me.
    i sit here, scratching my head.
    sure, i've met women w/poor self-esteems and codependency issues.
    but i've never recognized it in nsg.
    granted, i've been at 1 job and have lived in 1 area since graduating 11 yrs ago.
    but dang, the female nurses and non-nurses i know, are a bunch of spitfires...
    independent, assertive, spunky and self-assured.
    really makes one wonder.

    leslie

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