Anyone Else Experience Mobbing? - page 10

Hi~ I have been at my new job for over a year now and have become the victim of mobbing by my peers in the ICU where I work. I have tried every approach with this but nothing has helped my... Read More

  1. by   Nurseynurseyme
    Quote from rph3664
    She probably DOES know it. I went to the boss after she screamed at a nurse and slammed the phone down, and I told her, "If you do that to the wrong person, you won't be working here any more" and she smarted off to me (I don't remember exactly what she said) and I just hadn't seen anyone else address this behavior directly.

    When I talked to our manager, I said, "If she asks if I told on her, you have my permission to tell her yes" and "I'm not telling you this because I want her to get in trouble. On the contrary, I don't want her to get in trouble, and that's why I'm doing this."

    In fact, she's thinking about nursing school but is a bit hesitant because she doesn't want to work evenings, weekends, and holidays for the rest of her life, so if she proceeds with this, she might do school nursing, doctor's office, public health, or something along those lines.

    A couple weeks ago, she was entering an order into the computer and asked if we processed Fleet's Enemas. We don't, and I said, "If you go into nursing, you will find out all about those!"
    Yes she will!

    And when she is older she will always remember the nurse that took the time to mentor her.

    I have had a couple of those and I am so grateful to them! It's so nice to get a hand up rather than a kick in the teeth!
  2. by   cooblu
    yep, i know it happens...seems more prevalent in "th units". get otta there!
  3. by   illecob
    may I recommend a GREAT website for advice on dealing with bullying "BULLYONLINE.ORG"
  4. by   sayitgirl
    Quote from teeituptom
    Thats the problem. By trying to stop it, you thereby empower it. And it continues on. If you fail to recognize it, then it cant be empowered to go on. By itself it just dies without confrontation.


    Also do not blame management. People like to blame management. Management isnt always the problem, and they are not always the answer to a problem.
    Sometimes you have to recognize the problem and accept responsibility for it. Deal with but dont confront this kind of problem. It is empowered by confrontation. This kind of confrontation will only cause you to lose. Why lose.
    You are living in a fairy tale, management is the direct reason for it happening because they allow it. You must work for management to be so supportive. If it happened to you once, you would understand the feeling behind all of these comments.
    This would be a very useful website for you to read
    http://www.leymann.se/English/12310E.HTM
  5. by   teeituptom
    Quote from sayitgirl
    You are living in a fairy tale, management is the direct reason for it happening because they allow it. You must work for management to be so supportive. If it happened to you once, you would understand the feeling behind all of these comments.
    This would be a very useful website for you to read
    http://www.leymann.se/English/12310E.HTM
    I went to that site. Read it thoroughly. At your suggestion. I got two impressions while reading this. And I will keep this polite. One, I was amazed that someone had actually put together an Encyclopedia of Mobbing. Two, I was amazed at their statistics on ALLEDGED mobbing. Personally, I can't even begin to fathom this.


    Yes, I used to be admin. But I am just staff now, I missed bedside nursing. And there are fewer meetings for me to put up with. But that has nothing to do with my outlook. I dont see mobbing as any type of significant problem. I dont see lateral violence as any type of sugnificant problem, I dont see bullying as any type of significant problem. I dont see nurses eating their young. I won't tell you what I do see, as being a problem though.



    Peace, Love, Golf

    Tommy
  6. by   Tweety
    Quote from teeituptom
    I went to that site. Read it thoroughly. At your suggestion. I got two impressions while reading this. And I will keep this polite. One, I was amazed that someone had actually put together an Encyclopedia of Mobbing. Two, I was amazed at their statistics on ALLEDGED mobbing. Personally, I can't even begin to fathom this.

    Peace, Love, Golf

    Tommy
    I appreciate you being respectful Tommy.

    Your opinion needs to be respected as well without being told you live in a fairytale. Mutual respect of each others opinions and life experiences is imporant.

    Personally, I can't fathom that mobbing is widespread either, as I've never seen it and it never happened to me. So it's not an issue I feel needs to be addressed in my immediate little world. I have to appreciate those who have been mobbed and that they need resources to cope and deal, and to end it. I wound buy into the idea that it's rampant.
  7. by   Nurseynurseyme
    Quote from teeituptom
    I went to that site. Read it thoroughly. At your suggestion. I got two impressions while reading this. And I will keep this polite. One, I was amazed that someone had actually put together an Encyclopedia of Mobbing. Two, I was amazed at their statistics on ALLEDGED mobbing. Personally, I can't even begin to fathom this.


    Yes, I used to be admin. But I am just staff now, I missed bedside nursing. And there are fewer meetings for me to put up with. But that has nothing to do with my outlook. I dont see mobbing as any type of significant problem. I dont see lateral violence as any type of sugnificant problem, I dont see bullying as any type of significant problem. I dont see nurses eating their young. I won't tell you what I do see, as being a problem though.



    Peace, Love, Golf

    Tommy
    OK, ouch.

    Well if you don't believe any of it and have never seen any of it then what would be the point of reading threads about mobbing? Just poking people with a sharp stick (verbally) and see what happens?
    No golf today to amuse you? (ok couldn't resist that).

    The fact that it has a name at all then is curious if it doesn't exist. Plus it seems odd to me that so many people are having some sort of problem...and they're all similar.

    That's sort of like (for lack of another analogy-this is the first that comes to mind quickly) an atheist reading catholic or other religious websites and then posting all over that God doesn't exist.

    Seems kind of mean spirited.
  8. by   Tweety
    Quote from Nurseynurseyme
    OK, ouch.

    Well if you don't believe any of it and have never seen any of it then what would be the point of reading threads about mobbing? Just poking people with a sharp stick (verbally) and see what happens?
    No golf today to amuse you? (ok couldn't resist that).

    The fact that it has a name at all then is curious if it doesn't exist. Plus it seems odd to me that so many people are having some sort of problem...and they're all similar.

    That's sort of like (for lack of another analogy-this is the first that comes to mind quickly) an atheist reading catholic or other religious websites and then posting all over that God doesn't exist.

    Seems kind of mean spirited.


    I wasn't reading that he was saying it doesn't exist. His personal way of dealing with it is to deny it, and by denying it not giving it power, etc. etc. It seems to work for him because he isn't bullied or mobbed. If I were you I would just agree to disagree and move on.

    Personally, it's not the approach I take. I would confront the situation constructively. I'm fortunate not to have been bullied/mobbed myself, but know that it exists, and trust me I'm ready.
  9. by   sayitgirl
    Quote from teeituptom
    I went to that site. Read it thoroughly. At your suggestion. I got two impressions while reading this. And I will keep this polite. One, I was amazed that someone had actually put together an Encyclopedia of Mobbing. Two, I was amazed at their statistics on ALLEDGED mobbing. Personally, I can't even begin to fathom this.


    Yes, I used to be admin. But I am just staff now, I missed bedside nursing. And there are fewer meetings for me to put up with. But that has nothing to do with my outlook. I dont see mobbing as any type of significant problem. I dont see lateral violence as any type of sugnificant problem, I dont see bullying as any type of significant problem. I dont see nurses eating their young. I won't tell you what I do see, as being a problem though.



    Peace, Love, Golf

    Tommy
    Well
    Most men are not exposed to hostile workplace environment, it is a female thing. But as I mentioned before if it happens to you or someone that you care about you will have a different outlook.
    You are fortunate in your career that you have never seen this, kind of hard to believe though.
    Enjoy your golf Tommy:spin:
  10. by   Tweety
    Quote from sayitgirl
    Well
    Most men are not exposed to hostile workplace environment, it is a female thing. But as I mentioned before if it happens to you or someone that you care about you will have a different outlook.
    You are fortunate in your career that you have never seen this, kind of hard to believe though.
    Enjoy your golf Tommy:spin:
    There are plenty of females that haven't been mobbed or bullied in their careers. It might be true that the majority of those bullied in nursing are bullied female on female, but don't surrender to the idea that "it's a female thing" like the old "boys will be boys" concept.

    While we're at it, let's allow Tom to be Tom without ganging up on him. LOL
  11. by   Nurseynurseyme
    Quote from Tweety
    I wasn't reading that he was saying it doesn't exist. His personal way of dealing with it is to deny it, and by denying it not giving it power, etc. etc. It seems to work for him because he isn't bullied or mobbed. If I were you I would just agree to disagree and move on.

    Personally, it's not the approach I take. I would confront the situation constructively. I'm fortunate not to have been bullied/mobbed myself, but know that it exists, and trust me I'm ready.
    Understood. Thanks for the input. Truth to tell I read that and my mouth just hung open. It seemed like he was hovering around denying everyone's experience. I didn't get the point.

    You've been a nurse for a long time, you've seen this kind of thing happen...what would you tell a friend who came to you upset who was going through this? It might be helpful to others!

    Thanks.
  12. by   Tweety
    Quote from Nurseynurseyme
    Understood. Thanks for the input. Truth to tell I read that and my mouth just hung open. It seemed like he was hovering around denying everyone's experience. I didn't get the point.

    You've been a nurse for a long time, you've seen this kind of thing happen...what would you tell a friend who came to you upset who was going through this? It might be helpful to others!

    Thanks.
    Fortunatley, as I've posted before I don't see bullyling and mobbing much.

    As a charge nurse when someone reports something to me. My first question is "I appreciate you coming to me, as I need to know this, but what did they say when you talked to them about it."

    I am a fan of direct confrontation with the person first, prior to going to management. Managment is very ineffective. Often it's just a misunderstanding, the person was having a bad day, or they truly are a bully but will back off from the person confronting.

    I advise people to say things each and every time the person does something. "Yesterday we discussed how it feels when you ignore me during report, and you're doing it again, do you mean to do that". The broken record routine. When things are obviously not working, then you approach management with details. Not "she's bullying me". But with specifics "on three occasions she ignored me during report", "on two occasions she lied about me behind my back", etc etc etc.

    Consistent followup and consistent assertive confrontation.

    There's a good book called "Crucial Confrontations" that might help people.
  13. by   Nurseynurseyme
    Quote from Tweety
    Fortunatley, as I've posted before I don't see bullyling and mobbing much.

    As a charge nurse when someone reports something to me. My first question is "I appreciate you coming to me, as I need to know this, but what did they say when you talked to them about it."

    I am a fan of direct confrontation with the person first, prior to going to management. Managment is very ineffective. Often it's just a misunderstanding, the person was having a bad day, or they truly are a bully but will back off from the person confronting.

    I advise people to say things each and every time the person does something. "Yesterday we discussed how it feels when you ignore me during report, and you're doing it again, do you mean to do that". The broken record routine. When things are obviously not working, then you approach management with details. Not "she's bullying me". But with specifics "on three occasions she ignored me during report", "on two occasions she lied about me behind my back", etc etc etc.

    Consistent followup and consistent assertive confrontation.

    There's a good book called "Crucial Confrontations" that might help people.
    Thanks! That is a good idea.

    When something like this happened to me, I really didn't understand what was going on, I was still in school and I was unsure of myself and I got to the point I was so flustered that it was hard to do what I was supposed to do. It's only with the passage of time that I realize what was happening.

    I think if I had had the wherewithal to confront the person and defend myself that it might have helped me. She would tell me good things alone but in front of people she would make negative observations (about the same occurrences!) and I was completely intimidated.

    Now I feel more sure of myself, and I am more apt to call the person on it.

    Still, I might take a look at your book!



    Thanks again.
    Last edit by Nurseynurseyme on Nov 21, '07 : Reason: spelling error

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