First of all, you must keep in mind that you are not the problem. Once you put that at the forefront of your mind, you will be ready to deal with this person effectively.
First of all, pain in the elderly is a phenomenon that not many nurses, and even fewer physicians are adequately educated to cope with. Myths about 'addiction' and 'respiratory depression' in the light of REAL, DISABLING and PAINFUL medical conditions tend to paralyze health care professionals, leaving the older adult like your resident. I wouldn't be so upset about the cigarette smoking, either.... as an ex-smoker [of 3 years], I can tell you, when you are in pain, or other upset, they can be QUITE comforting.
First of all... since pain is a SUBJECTIVE phenomenon, I would not label this person an 'addict' many surgeries don't resolve in older adults they way they resolve in younger people, recovery times can be profoundly LONGER. It is a myth that older adults do not have as much pain as younger adults...BELIEVE that this woman is in pain, and be her advocate. She is probably nasty to you because she knows she CAN be. You sound to me as if you have been providing compassionate care instead of being judgemental and removed.
My best advice [mind you, it is only advice]....
1. Believe her pain, and advocate on her behalf. Work with her attending M.D. or N.P. to control her pain.
2. Discuss the case with your nursing supervisor and D.O.N., be sure they are aware of ALL of your activities and interactions with this resident.
3. Get your social worker involved. They are often an overlooked ally for the nurse.
4. Try to visit this resident even when she doesn't need anything. This is hard to do I know, because I am sure your just as understaffed as everyone else, but try.
5. Discuss the problem with the resident, ask her WHY she is doing/saying these things.
6. Try to discuss the matter with her daughter, and let the daughter know that you are on her and her mother's side. Many family members appreciate a nurse who goes that extra inch.
7. Be sure that everything is documented and CARE PLANNED. If there is a problem where the Dept. of Health or Ombudsman get involved, they will want to see the resident's care plan.
8. Finally, don't be paranoid about your license, remember the "4-D's" of the successful lawsuit/license disciplinary actions [by Board of Nursing]:
[if they cannot successfully pin all 4 on you, the lawsuit/disciplinary action will not float].
In conclusion, if all else fails, ask your DON to be assigned to another unit. Keep your chin up, and believe in yourself, everything will work out well, and you will be a better nurse for it.