To all of the Nurses at AllNurses.com,
Of course, I should start with some basic background info. I have dealt with Crohn's disease since 1989 when I was 17 years old. I've had some rough times over the years, but nothing prepared me for what happened in 2013 after I turned 40, and once again at the end of 2015. In 2013 I had my second bowel resection...my first mistake here was choosing a general surgeon. I know, what the hell was I thinking? I wanted to be closer to home, that's why. And it nearly cost me my life.
What proceeded were multiple pockets of internal infection, as I was given no antibiotics, and developed an ileus (hole) at the resection site. I spent the next two months in the hospital healing from this. Countless failed IV's to the point that both of my arms were covered in bruises from hand to elbow. One failed PICC line. Three pigtail drains jammed into my body in places that I would never have imagined. TPN for a month. An IV pole with 8 different pumps on it, and a massive, open, infected surgical wound with a stoma bag to catch the infection. This was just in April of 2013.
Then in Sept. 2015 I started feeling the symptoms of what I thought was just a routine Crohn's flare-up. I thought okay, I'll call my GI, we'll give some additional meds a shot and I'll be fine. Instead, the pain increased, and my temp shot up to almost 103. I could barely move one night, called an ambulance, and was admitted to the hospital, again, for two months (Dec. 2015 and most of Jan. 2016). No surgery this time, but again, I had pockets of massive internal infections caused by my flared-up, and apparently still very ulcerated and leaky bowel. And much of the same process followed as it did the first time...multiple failed IV's, two PICC lines, and four drain tubes this time. Some of the nurses even recognized me from three years before.
So that's the gist of why I am "the patient" so often spoken of. And having spent SO much time among you all, I have learned a lot, observed a lot, and became thankful for so much more.
On a random Tuesday afternoon, while my spouse is at work so I can have health insurance and I am basically alone and fearing for my life all day, I am told that my first abscess drain will be inserted down in the Radiology department, and they'll be here in a few minutes to transport me. The following thoughts race through my head....umm, okay, I know I need that, but what does it entail? Will I be awake? I have high pain tolerance, but how much is this projected to hurt? Will they give me a 3-count before they jam it through? Will the area be numbed? Is there a box of tissues anywhere..?". I was scared out of my mind, and for that day, I just happened to have a student nurse with me. Just one girl, assigned to me for the day, making sure I was all good. I wept to her, a young woman 15-20 years younger than me, like a baby. I had already been through a lot of things by that point...other hospitalizations over the years, lots of pain...but nothing prepared me for the severity of this. It was unfamiliar territory for me, and when you don't know what to expect, that's scary as hell.
What I'm getting at is, that student nurse listened to me, stayed by my side handing me tissues, and held my hand through the entire drain insertion. She got me through one of the scariest times of my life when my loved ones could not be there. And I had just met her that morning.
Another day...yet another failed IV. They usually last 3 days. Then the vein collapses, and I get stuck 4 or 5 more times before a PICC line is decided upon. Now, when I say I have no problems with needles, that's the truth. But when they're digging in, moving around, in delicate areas, repeatedly, it gets to be a bit much. Yes, I'm what you all call a "hard stick". I'm sorry. Blame my grandmother, who also had this problem...
But what I'm getting at here is that there was one nurse in particular who was consistently present with me while "they" were trying to locate a vein in my arm. Having also been severely lacking in sleep (because you guys don't let us) I finally lost my sh-t. I looked to this nurse who was there, almost at the end of her shift at 11 pm, and said "Could you please stay with me until this is done?", and she smiled and told me everything was going to be okay, put her arm around my head so I wouldn't look, and just held me like that until the end. While I'm crying and just a pile of despondency in the bed.
And during those long overnights...that pretty much means: up all night because "vitals", and a blood culture for some reason ordered for 1 a.m., plus I need my pain meds (the self-administer button is gone now and I need it given through the PICC line), my commode is about to overflow, etc. But let me say something about all of this seemingly routine stuff.
I read someone here the other day post "this isn't what I expected, am I just here to deliver pain meds all day?" and I thought it was sad that she didn't realize what an important part of the patient's day that is. Are you kidding? We need that syringe you just walked down the hall to get. We look forward to feeling no pain for a few hours, and that it relaxes us for a little while. It's huge! And you do that for us. Not to mention, when I request my morphine at 2 a.m., it's kinda nice to have someone to say hello to at that hour. Because I'm awake, and you're awake...so hey, how are you getting through the night? Shift over at 7?...Yeah, I'm hangin' in there, thanks for the fresh apple juice and being here for me."
There were countless other procedures as well; a Foley catheter while wiiiide awake, as well as an NG tube, and an eventual 6 more drain tubes. And the entire time, in the middle of my fear and uncertainty, there was a nurse at my side. Holding my hand telling me I was going to be okay. And I was...and I am...and I would have never gotten through it without my nurses. Do you have any idea how goooood it feels to have a newly iced water or juice on your table? It's like Heaven in a cup, and you just brought it to me! Usually right away (haha) because I always add "when you get a minute" to every request I make). But YOU brought it to me, my wonderful, awesome, kicka-s nurse.
So I guess with seeing so many unhappy nurses on here, and my experiences being so recent, I wanted to post a thank you to all of you for what you do. You guide total strangers like me through the scariest moments we've ever faced. Pain meds help that...iced water helps...or whatever other little mundane creature comfort we might ask you to get for us. It's all a collective experience, and I've always tried my best to say my pleases and thank you's, and not be a pain in the ***, and be appreciative no matter how uncomfortable or sick I feel.
Please know, all of you wonderful, beautiful souls who take care of people like me....we thank you, we appreciate you, and we couldn't have gotten through it without you.
With love and gratitude,
A patient in MA
