DNR here. Living will, no trachs, no colostomy, no %*(#%@$ feeding tubes!! My living will specifically states that if I cannot get better and "drink a Coke and read a book under my own power" to pull the plug!
I have preached, educated and browbeat my family that this "doing everything" business is NOT always the most loving precious thing people think it is!
My 84 year old grandma feels the same way, she voiced this to my cousin that she was a DNR, had a living will, let her go in peace, etc. My cousin was upset, and said, "Oh no, Aunt K, I'll NEVER let that happen!" My grandma said, "You won't have a choice, KaroSQ will pull the plug when you're not there!"
And to lisamc1, trachs are usually an irreversible thing, some people DO have them short term and have them closed, but usually they are just there. If you are able to leave the hospital/LTC setting and go home with them, you must usually be on O2, prone to infections, etc.
Same way for feeding tubes, I think in 20 years of nursing, I have seen 2 people recover and get their tubes out, but usually it doesn't work that way.
We, and your mom, have seen the multiple admissions and relapses people with these tubes have, and know that we do not want to go through this ourselves. In my own opinion, I would rather be gone, and would let my loved ones go than put them thru this.
I had a private duty pt about 12 years ago, who was run over by a hit and run driver when he was 13. When I took care of him he was 19 or 20. Had a trach, catheter, totally paralyzed from the neck down, couldnt' even turn his head to see who came in the room. BUT was totally alert and with it, knew everything going on. He was at home, the family was totally stressed out and felt guilty that he had the accident, guilty that they got aggravated taking care of him, etc. The mom had sent him to the store the day he got hurt. They spoiled him rotten, I got reprimanded because he told me at 2 a.m. to go upstairs and wake up his 16 yr old sister and tell her to go downtown and get him some hamburgers. I refused to wake up a kid who had to get up and go to school the next day, and the mom called my boss and said yes I was to get the kid up, whatever he wanted he got!
The mom told me he had been coded more than 10 times since the accident. I remember thinking at some point, if it were my child, I would have let them go. It was such a sad, sad, pitiful situation.