A Dear Abbey letter. What is your take? - page 7

I would like to hear your opinions regarding this situation from a letter taken from Dear Abbey. Do you agree with Abbey? Or should the nurse have done something differently? DEAR ABBY: While... Read More

  1. by   nurse4theplanet
    Quote from ruby vee
    asoldierswife05 wrote:
    i am just making a point...there are two sides to every story. the woman may be completely founded in her allegations or a complete prude...who knows? only da read the letter in its entirety and responded. i am not going to automatically side with the pt's wife...just playing devil's advocate to keep a fresh open minded perspective on the situation. since none of us were there, we can't decipher who was right and who was wrong. i have already stressed the importance of maintaining pt modesty, and i am simply expressing that you cannot take everything you hear or read for the gospel. perception can be different from reality.

    to which grannynurse replied:





    well i'm 50, and although my attitude has changed quite a bit since i was 25, i agree with asoldierswife05! while the patient's privacy is indeed very important and worthy of our respect, you cannot take everything a patient or his family says as gospel. none of us were there for the situation described, so it is impossible for us to know for sure what happened. the wife's perception may indeed be far from the reality of the situation. i found nothing in asoldierswife05's post to indicate immaturity or a need for an attitude adjustment. on the contrary -- i feel that if someone believes they can judge the reality of the situation and assign blame to the nurse without far more information, they need both more maturity and an attitude adjustment!
    thank you. i totally agree
  2. by   nurse4theplanet
    Quote from mercyteapot
    Doesn't it go without saying that none of us were there? As for me, I respond to the post. If the post isn't wholly reflective of the situation, then of course my viewpoint might change. The OP's question was actually what we thought of the situation taken from Dear Abby's column, though, not what we think of the situation as it might actually have happened.

    When I am responding to a post, I try to take into consideration both sides of the story before I begin my response to be fair and open minded. I also post with a bit of a sense of humor and take everything that is said with a grain of salt. My father has always said, "Believe nothing you read and only half of what you see!" It is my experience that certain people are going to be offended no matter what you do, how you say things, or what your intentions were. It happens all the time in real life and on this board. If I took everything at face value, I feel I would be quite naive. But then again, like others posted, I am already naive for my way of thinking.
    DA is meant for entertainment purposes and I am sure the shock value of her response was well thought out...anybody ever consider that the original letter may have been completely made up or a spin off of another letter they recieved that they wanted to juice up a bit? So for entertainment purposes, I found it comical. If it was I who was the nurse, I would not want anyone to jump to conclusions just because a family member has a certain perception of the situation. And if I was the wife, I would have spoken to the nurse or nurse manager privately about my concerns...not written to DA.
  3. by   Super_RN
    Quote from Jolie
    I couldn't agree more! This nurse's behavior was inappropriate, and the patient and his wife have every reason to question it.

    Examining a patient's genitals without warning and in front of another person (regardless of whom that person is) is completely inappropriate. If he had just had genital surgery, the appearance was undoubtedly "altered" by swelling, bruising, sutures, drainage, etc. Not exactly the image one wants his/her spouse to carry. Willingly sharing one's body with a spouse in the privacy of home is a whole lot different than being unwillingly exposed in front of a third party in a hospital room.

    How many of the women posters who have defended the nurse's actions would feel the same way if a female patient's episiotomy was exposed to male visitors by a male doctor?
    I don't think she was examining his genitals. I believe it was the incision and his genitals were exposed in the process. I haven't read through the rest of these postings yet so I'm not sure what others have replied.
    Super
  4. by   grannynurse FNP student
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    It would be so nice if people would not chalk up someone's opinion on a subject to them being young, and predicting their attitude would change as they grow older!

    Sorry, that's just rude.
    How about this, some young people are born old, with old attitudes and old morals. Some old people are forever young and will remain young in their attitudes and morals. And there are those, who are young and will change, in thei9r attitudes and morals as they age. Are you now satisfied? I posted based on the poster's age, which was part ofr her/his information, just like you being 28 years old and my being 60.

    And by the way, I have always respected another's right to privacy and respect, when I was 21 years old and through out my career.

    Grannynurse
  5. by   grannynurse FNP student
    Quote from asoldierswife05
    thank you. I totally agree
    I'm sorry, I assumed since your screenname is a soldierswife, that you were in your 20s or 30s, which when you hit sixty, is considered young. Sorry, I will not make that mistake again.

    Grannynurse
  6. by   hbncns35
    Well, Let's see , I have run into this situation before...
    Many times when helping to change a brief and the wife is in the room. She'll run out of the room because she doesn't want to look at IT. I think its ridiulous especially if you have an active sex life - Maybe she doesn't.
    Nurses see plenty of genitals every day - We have to - As long as the patient doesn't mind, after asking of course, then there really shouldn't be a problem. We were all born without clothes on you know! Maybe its a product of that Adam and Eve thing? Shame? HB
  7. by   nurse4theplanet
    Quote from grannynurse FNP student
    I'm sorry, I assumed since your screenname is a soldierswife, that you were in your 20s or 30s, which when you hit sixty, is considered young. Sorry, I will not make that mistake again.

    Grannynurse
    That's fine. In fact you are right in your assumption. I am 22 years young. What bothered me about you comment is that you devalued my post r/t your assumption that I was "young and dumb" so to speak, and that my attitude would change with the wisdom of aging. I am an intelligent and articulate young woman who can form my own educated evaluation of a situation without being naive or disrespectful of another's personal values and modesty.

    I certainly do not agree that my morals and attitude are as positively correlated with my age as you seem to imply. To me it seemed as if you were discrediting my opinion and speaking condescendingly towards younger generations based on the idea that we disagree in our out take on the situation. Pt dignity, respect, and cultural sensitivity are at the forefront of my nursing agenda.

    I firmly stand by my responses and will continue to have an open mind towards any alleged situation, considering all parties involved...careful to not be quick to jump to conclusions or judge others based on a one sided account of an event. Nor will I devalue anyones opinion and chock it up to age (no matter which end of the spectrum that age falls on)
  8. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Quote from asoldierswife05
    That's fine. In fact you are right in your assumption. I am 22 years young. What bothered me about you comment is that you devalued my post r/t your assumption that I was "young and dumb" so to speak, and that my attitude would change with the wisdom of aging. I am an intelligent and articulate young woman who can form my own educated evaluation of a situation without being naive or disrespectful of another's personal values and modesty.

    I certainly do not agree that my morals and attitude are as positively correlated with my age as you seem to imply. To me it seemed as if you were discrediting my opinion and speaking condescendingly towards younger generations based on the idea that we disagree in our out take on the situation. Pt dignity, respect, and cultural sensitivity are at the forefront of my nursing agenda.

    I firmly stand by my responses and will continue to have an open mind towards any alleged situation, considering all parties involved...careful to not be quick to jump to conclusions or judge others based on a one sided account of an event. Nor will I devalue anyones opinion and chock it up to age (no matter which end of the spectrum that age falls on)
    Very well said.
  9. by   mercyteapot
    Quote from asoldierswife05
    When I am responding to a post, I try to take into consideration both sides of the story before I begin my response to be fair and open minded. I also post with a bit of a sense of humor and take everything that is said with a grain of salt. My father has always said, "Believe nothing you read and only half of what you see!" It is my experience that certain people are going to be offended no matter what you do, how you say things, or what your intentions were. It happens all the time in real life and on this board. If I took everything at face value, I feel I would be quite naive. But then again, like others posted, I am already naive for my way of thinking.
    DA is meant for entertainment purposes and I am sure the shock value of her response was well thought out...anybody ever consider that the original letter may have been completely made up or a spin off of another letter they recieved that they wanted to juice up a bit? So for entertainment purposes, I found it comical. If it was I who was the nurse, I would not want anyone to jump to conclusions just because a family member has a certain perception of the situation. And if I was the wife, I would have spoken to the nurse or nurse manager privately about my concerns...not written to DA.
    Be all of that as it may... I have no idea what has or has not occured to anyone else, but I can't go around guessing as to the veracity of the posts on this or any other bulletin board. If a question is asked, or a situation raised, when I respond, I respond as it is presented. I have no doubt that many times the reality is different, but it is impossible to discern that on a bulletin board. If I out and out don't believe it, I just don't respond at all. I've gotten caught up in that more than once, and it is pointless. I once posted a story, incredible but true, and had someone who I once considered a BB friend call me a liar. It ticks me off to this very day. I go with the benefit of the doubt philosophy myself.
    Last edit by mercyteapot on Dec 1, '05
  10. by   GLORIAmunchkin72
    I like your answer the best. We are so used to seeing so much nakedness that we don't even blink an eye.:chuckle
    Quote from michelle126
    I would have warned the pt....I need to check your incision, etc. I'd probably ask the wife/ pt if they would want a look at it too. That should be a cue to the wife.
  11. by   caroladybelle
    I always am amazed at posters that denigrate someone else's opinion by insinuating that they are too young/old/married/single/with children/childless/female/male to possibly understand and be appropriately sensitive to a particular issue.

    I am also amazed at those that will grab the phone/pen/email to complain to Dear Abby/lawyer/DA/patient representative when a very simple, "Excuse me, but I prefer that I be out of the room when you examine my spouses's whatever...I know that may not be usual, but please warn me next time", would work quite nicely.

    But that, I suppose, would be too lacking in offense, too polite, too simple, too responsible, and contain much too much common sense for today's society.

    Would that we work to correct mistakes and inform others of our preferences, rather than suing them/whining about such things that are easily corrected.
  12. by   smk1
    as a cna (not nurse yet) i do remember constant emphasis on privacy. (only uncovering one part at a time and never exposing what doesn't need to be exposed. having said that, it sounds as if the incision site was close to that "area" and maybe the nurse could have "warned" them both, but really who is going to suspect that the wife is embarrased by her husbands private parts? she seems a bit uptight, and to have to sit down and write out a letter to dear Abby? That is very strange to me...
  13. by   DutchgirlRN
    I don't why the nuse had to expose his genitals while checking an abdominal dressing. I think the nurse was inconsiderate of her patients right to privacy and I think Dear Abby wouldn't have appreciated having that done to her and that then she would have had a different answer. Wrong Abby, Wrong!

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