Sorry you are having such a hard time.
The first step in moving forward from your mistakes is to accept responsibility. It sounds like you have done that.
Secondly, reflect on the mistakes made and figure out where you went wrong.
Work on your confidence. You made it through nursing school
, so you obviously possess the knowledge of nursing basics. You are not dumb. So quit telling yourself that. It does nothing for your confidence and is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Perhaps, you could look into taking a refresher course. Read and re-read your nursing texts in the basics... charting/documentation, medication administration, injections and so on...
Watch YouTube videos.
Get your anxiety under control. I have performance anxiety and there were a few times it almost cost me... I would think so hard about all the steps to do a certain procedure right, that I would almost always make a mistake. I have not overcome this by no means, but I do everything I can to learn about whatever procedure or subject that I feel anxious about.
Keep applying for jobs. Maybe you need something less fast paced so you can learn the basics of being a nurse. Unfortunately, this type of position may be hard to come by.
You could try:
Private Duty Nursing-where you only have like 1 client.
Also, look into finding a nursing mentor. Someone you trust that can be open and honest with you about your progress and incompetencies.
If your dream is to be a good nurse, make sure you fully accept responsibility and do all that you can to rectify your mistakes. You worked hard for that license...now you need to work even harder, to keep it!