[font="comic sans ms"]so what's the best way to clean coffee off a laptop screen? you guys had me laughing so hard i couldn't control it! i spewed! this thread should have come with a beverage alert!
so here is one of my stories: this was about 30 years ago and i had just recieved notification that i had passed my boards and was in charge for the first time. we had a patient admitted to our telemetry floor for "work-up". not "syncope work-up" which was common for us or even "thyroid work-up" -- she weighed more than the capacity of our scale. just "work-up." and the first line on her order sheet (in fact the only line) read "bath before seen by md."
it was a sign of the times (and my youth and inexperience) that instead of laughing my head off, i actually tried to bathe the person before the md saw her. more accurately, i delegated to the two student nurses who were assigned that patient as their first admit under the guidance of the experienced lpn. they were diploma students and had been bathing patients all semester and were sure that we were maligning their skills when we told them to call us if they needed any help at all.
it wasn't long before one of the student nurses came to me sheepishly and said "she won't fit into the shower." (each room on that floor had a lovely little bathroom with a rather large, tile shower stall.) "what do we do?" bed bath was pretty far down the list of options as the woman, a farmer who clearly didn't get into town very often, was absolutely encrusted with dirt and filth. a soaking was in order.
we had a large tub room that was rarely used -- we stored all of our extra equipment in there, so it's likely that the students didn't even know there was a tub in the back. the students enlisted two classmates who were already done with their admit, and cleaned out the tub room, cleaned the tub, and led the patient to the tub room accompanied by a pile of supplies including two of the "big boy gowns," since one didn't adequately cover the territory. with the lpn supervising, they got the tub filled, the patient undressed and the floor mopped afterward because most of the water slopped out when the patient got in. by now, most of the staff was aware of what was going on and stopping by to check it out and offer help. the students, far from being insulted by now, were grateful for the help -- especially when it came time to get the now-clean patient out of the tub. she was stuck.
someone got the bright idea to grease the patient to get her out of the tub, and dumped a whole 16 ounce bottle of keri oil into the mix. it might have worked, except that by now the stress of the bath and being the center of attention was starting to get to the patient, and she began complaining of chest pain and gasping for air. i got called to the scene when she turned blue and stopped gasping for air.
it took every staff member we had, including some cardiologists and a pulmonologist making rounds in their expensive suits to drag that woman out of the tub. she was greased, remember? ever seen a "greased pig catching contest"? it's impossible to hold onto a greased pig or an enormous, greased patient. keri oil is a superior lubricant! by the time we'd maneuvered two bath blankets underneath her and hauled her, dripping from the tub it was probably too late, but we dragged her out into the hall where there was room to work and started cpr. chest compressions on an enourmous, oiled patient were somewhat problematic. the first person who tried -- one of the cardiologists in an expensive suit -- had his hands slide out from underneath him and found himself sprawled across her chest.
by then we had the crash cart and the paddles were suitably greased up with the appropriate jelly, and applied to the closest approximation of the correct position that one person could achieve. (thank god it wasn't me with the paddles!) at the shouted "clear", everyone save the hapless resident with the paddles jumped back and jennifer hit the button.
soaking wet patient lying in a puddle of water and keri oil, resident kneeling in the puddle -- not a pretty picture. the electricity arced in a blue flash above the patient, but those who saw both assured me that the light show was even more spectacular below, and jennifer, the resident came flying backward on her a$$.
jennifer was fine, the patient didn't make it. when it was all over, i noticed for the first time the ring of ambulatory patients and visitors watching the entire show. it was talked about for years! years later, i worked with a nurse who graduated from that hospital's last diploma class. the story had made it to legend status -- and the nurse who told the story during a boring night shift story marathon prefaced it by saying "i doubt if this is true, but . . ." she didn't believe me when i told her it was true and i knew because i was there!