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I constantly get asked what made me want to become a nurse. I tell them my story of survival and destiny.by Jackfackmasta Jul 15, '11I remember lying in my bed with my head cocked to the right side as I stared off in the distance from my hospital bed. The ER nurses were running frantically around me jabbing me with IVs, placing stickers all over me. The smell of saline just made me sick to my stomach and it is a smell that to this day makes me have flash backs.
I saw the doctor enter, with his gleaming white coat and just looked at me. He wouldn’t stop looking. His arms were crossed; tears began to well in his eyes as he saw an 19 year old girl on her death bed. I was dying and I knew it. I mustered all my strength to look at the monitor and I remember seeing my BP in the 200s and HR in 200s. I was going to die.
At that moment I made my bargain to god and I told him “God! Please save me! Let me live. I am not ready to die. I PROMISE you if you let me live I will try my hardest to help other girls in my place. Just don’t let me Die!” I just repeated this over and over and over and over till I could no longer do it.
It was beautiful! The most amazing, calming and comforting light. I started to walk towards this beautiful white light as I was mesmerized by it. When I looked closer I saw him. I saw my grandpa in all of his form. I remember the good times. Like when he broke the go cart trying to pull tree out of the ground. He’d made us giggle when someone would sit in his rocking chair and he’d smack them with cane. “Get out of my Chair!” I loved my grandpa. But then I noticed, slowly, that the beautiful white light began to grow smaller. He was blocking the light for me. It was not my time and told me to Go! Go! That would be the last time I saw him
I woke again in a bright yellow room. I knew where I was. It was the ICU. My throat was burning with tubes, my chest hot like fire but I was happy. Happy to be alive. I knew that it was not my time. The next few days I was in ICU under the care of some of the most amazing nurses ever. Many had children my age and everyone took extra special care of me. Talking to me, comforting me. Giving me everything.
I was talking to Nancy. She was the charge nurse. She had two daughters a 17 year old and 14 year old. She was talking to me about them and we talked about life while she cleaned the blood out of my nails. I never got a pedicure before. We talked about life, mainly my life. The abuse that I went through growing up being sexually abuse up to my hospitalization leading to my overdose of 800 hundred Benadryl’s. I lost my life only to be given a second chance. What she asked me next would change my life. She asked me “If you could have one thing in the world what would it be?” I replied “I wish I could help other girls in my place.” She then asked “why don’t you become a nurse.” At that moment I had an epiphany and felt this incredible rush of warmth, comfort and strength as God wrapped his arms around me. I am not a religious person but this was the moment I knew what my mission is in life.
A few years later, counseling and a few credits I am on course to graduate in May 2012 from nursing school. I have been able to grow stronger through my experience and be able to find my passion in life. When I am in clinical my patients tell me “you are going to be an amazing nurse” and I didn’t even ask them anything. I am at the epiphany of my life and had I not gone through everything I did at a young age I wouldn’t be where I am now nor be as happy as I am. I am on my way to be an ICU nurse. To help other victims of suicide and to help those work through the fears of death. I am fulfilling my promise to god. I tell my story because I constantly get asked what made me want to become a nurse like any other student. I tell them my story of survival and destiny. You should see their face. Most are shocked and some are bawling. I have chosen to take control of MY life. I have chosen to be a survivor and not a victim. I choose to make a difference no matter how small. I choose to help others. I choose to be a nurse. I choose to care. I choose to be who I am. I choose to be a nurse…… and man does it feel good!Last edit by Joe V on Jul 16, '11
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Jackfackmasta is a 23 year old nursing student at ACC who is passionate about nursing. He is a level 3 student graduating in may 2012 and wants to go into ICU nursing. Currently, he works as an ER technician.
APA Style Citation
Jackfackmasta. (Jul 15, '11). If you could Have One thing in the World What Would it Be?. Retrieved Tuesday, May 21, 2013, from http://allnurses.com/showthread.php?t=591293
- Jul 16, '11 by kisperThanks for writing that, it really struck a chord with me. One of the reasons I'm studying to be a nurse is the care and compassion I received from them when I hit rock bottom as you had.
Here's to second chances!
- Jul 17, '11 by *LadyJane*Just think, you have a lot to offer, from your past experience of pain. You can empathize instead of stereotype others, you can encourage and uplift because you have been there. You can be a powerful influence for the betterment of patients in the future, and I do believe that you have the right motivation to do so.
Congratulations on turning pain into a useful tool and learning experience to help others. I expect you are going to be a great nurse!
- Jul 17, '11 by cherryames1949Dear Jack, Thank you for sharing your story with us. It was not an easy story to live or to tell. My heartfelt good wishes are with you as you fulfill your dream ,and I believe, your destiny. You have had a life changing event and you are choosing to make the best of it. Good luck and God bless you all the days of your life.:redpinkhe
- Jul 18, '11 by Kooky KorkyWell, I was going to say "money, money, and more money". But that somehow seems inappropriate after reading your article, which greatly moved me. God bless you.
- Jul 18, '11 by smily11thanks for sharing your story Iam a new nursing student and you gave me hope , i chose nursing because it was the only way in front of me. thank you so much and god bless you .redbeathe
- Jul 18, '11 by No Stars In My EyesYou gave me waves of goosebumps. Wow!