Compassion: A Dirty Word - Page 2

Well said, thak you!

to cdsga , cxg174 , bleverett , kindaquazie , and heron : You all made such good points and expressed yourselves so well I could feel the warmth and kindness coming through. My mother was an RN and I learned from observing her and seeing + hearing how people responded to her. As I got older and could look back I also could see the compassion with which she raised her children. That compassion included accepting each of us for our differences, helpful support without pushing toward what SHE might prefer us to do, offering a range of advice without neccessarily expecting us to take it,( and not being angry with us if we didn't.) Sometime all we can do is put the information out there, help organize it in a way that the one we are working with can understand it, ( where resourcefulness and creativity come in handy), because everyone learns differently. We encourage/share/laugh/cry ,( and find a place/way to vent our frustrations , as frustrations DO come.) When I was doing home-health visits I had to learn to let go of expectations. I knew when I walked out their door, in the end people are going to do what they're going to do . I can hope for results and responses , but I can not force them to occur. None of us ALWAYS use the grace and free-will God grants us ,to our best benefit. It's HARD to understand why people do or don't do the things we try to teach and show them. I have the same problem with MYSELF, you know? But not everyone is in the same place of understanding ; that's when I use the template given/practiced by my mother: I zip my lip. I did the best I could to the best of my ability, and that's all I CAN do. Got to trust the Universe; don't expect I'll understand the whys and where-fores, but maybe I don't need to. Life's a mystery; people are a mystery. I don't have the keys to unlock all the mysteries. Thank God I'm not in charge of everything all the time! But meanwhile compassion is given and practiced , accepted and let go of to whatever degree is possible at any given point of time. Take a deep breath and let it out.Think of it as the scope of practice of human beings.

Excellent view

In addition-you never know what impact you make on others. Be patient. Someone may take tidbits of what you have to offer and use it. May not be immediate, but any progress to me is progress. So while we want things wrapped up in tidy packages, it doesn't always work that way. It's amazing but in celebration of Nurses' Week, just remember you go through life never knowing what people take from you and what you do. I learned from my Dad who turned 80 several years ago. He received well wishes from SOOO many people, some he vaguely remembered. But they remembered who is was and how he impacted their lives with vivid detail. He cried and was humbled by the experience. Don't ever think you don't make a difference. You do. Try to make a positive difference, because that may be the only time you meet that person and make an impression. Could be a life-changing impression. Nurses DO make a difference.

I can't pretend to speak for Ruby, but it seems we're talking on opposite sides of the same subject. I don't think the OP was objecting to the role of compassion in the work of a nurse. What I have a problem with is when the word is used as a club.

Too often, it's trotted out like the victim card or the abuse excuse to allow its wielder to get away with unacceptable behavior or poor performance. Any attempt to call him/her out on his/her nonsense is met with cries of "where's the compassion!". Like it's compassionate to allow a person to labor under the delusion that what they're doing is anywhere near OK ... take a look at Ruby's examples and you'll see what I mean. Compassion is not the same as enabling.

I agree that true compassion is central to the art of nursing.

All I can say if you weren't shown compassion-or you perceived people were working you too hard ("Meanies")then you usually want to impart the same hard knocks you had to go through to get where you are today. True that the education today is not as hard-nosed as it used to be. Sometimes my immature self succumbs to being hard to others, but then I feel bad, cuz I didn't want to go through that kind of treatment myself. But maturity tells me that I was treated that way to teach me something. It's only when I look back at my life that I can see that. If you can be hard then justify why you were that way, maybe that shows compassion and caring. There were lots of comments in the original post-so the thread is running. Everyone may take different things out of the post. Sorry if I didn't relate to it the way others may. I still feel like saying something.

Dear No Stars In My Eyes:
Beautiful. You make me miss my mother, whom everyone referred to a Nanny. To the originator of this post: If someone asks you, "where is your compassion?" especially if you hear it more than very infrequently, it might be wise to ask yourself the same questions. Perhaps you are experiencing moral distress, which is not uncommon in nursing. Find a way to revitalize and care for yourself as well as everyone around you. It is an ethical mandate we have as nurses, and one we frequently overlook. God Bless.

I would suggest that in being able to perceive the difference between true compassion and the manipulative use of the word to enable abusive, incompetent or otherwise unacceptable behavior, the OP has a clearer understanding of compassion than those who would patronize her.

As a hospice nurse, I am saddled with the "angel of mercy" stereotype. When I'm able to suss out a difficult situation and provide relief, peace or facilitate a resolution, the gratitude rains down and it sure feels good. This ego gratification is one of the legitimate rewards of nursing. It's also a secondary gain from appearing to be compassionate.

When one is accused of lacking compassion, that ego boost is threatened. That threat is the club that some use to bully people into tolerating otherwise unacceptable behavior or performance. That is what both Ruby and I are talking about.

Amen.

It's telling, isn't it, that the "where's your compassion?" cry is almost always used in conjunction with "I didn't get what I wanted."