Dear Jay from upstairs:
In the more than likely event that 1 of us will die before I ever get to express my gratitude for all the sunshine

you've brought into my life since you moved in upstairs, I have composed a list of all that I have to thank you for.
-thank you for blatantly staring at me while I was sunbathing on my deck as you were moving in last summer

That was sweet.
-thanks for offering me that beer at 9:00 in the morning 1 day last summer & then asking me, "What? Don't you like to party?" when I turned it down
-thank you for moving
yourself & your 3 teenage sons into a
2 bedroom apartment...this way I really don't know
who to blame when you leave your kids alone & they get into wrestling fights with their friends

, causing my ceiling to shake & pictures to fall off my walls. Or when they have their little drinking parties, or your 13 year old starts slamming his bedroom door over & over again. Kudos!

What a great way to save some cash! And the constant foot-traffic & "staircase races."...:Melody:to my ears!
-thank you for taking 10 min - a 1/2 hour every day to scream at your kids at the top of your lungs using every profanity in the book

. The fact that I can hear every single word really makes me feel like, well...part of the family

I especially enjoy your,
"You're f***ing everything up!" speech. Yeah, that 1 never seems to get old. I'm also a big fan of,
"You gotta get with the program, son!" Jay, you should be a motivational speaker.
-thank you for unhooking my dog's leash from my back porch that day when you mowed the lawn last summer

. I'm so sorry the
annoying neighbors next door brought him back
-thank you for storing your trash in our garage...I like scaring raccoons & squirrels out from under my car every morning.

Yeah, who needs the added hassle of leaving the trash in a
trash can in your apt until garbage day...You've got this one figured out!
-thank your drinking yourself to the point of violent vomiting that lasted almost an hour last week

That was, well, I'm not gonna lie Jay...that was entertaining

By the way, did it hurt when you finally just collapsed on the floor? Don't worry...it didn't take that long to re-shelve all the books that fell out of my bookcase.
-thank you for taking advantage of our 1 washer & dryer 7 days a week...it's been fun finding new & creative ways for me to get
my laundry done
-thank you for inquiring as to how I pay my bills when you found out that I'm not working while I'm in school. That showed that concern...that you
care...and wasn't at all inappropriate.
-most of all Jay, I want to thank you for whatever role you played in the search & arrest of your 17 yr old a few months ago...how exciting to have the police scour our backyard with flashlights @ 3:00 in the morning! I felt just like we were on
COPS! But I gotta say - & our next door neighbors fully agree with me on this - the most exciting part of that night was having the police spotlight shone in our bedrooms! We never got that kind of excitement around here before
you moved in...
So, for these reasons, & so many more, I say, "Thank you."

Thank you, Jay, for moving in upstairs from me.