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*pagandeva2000* · #1 Aug 14, 2007, 07:56 PM

Since beginning nursing school, I have changed, and I am not sure if it is for the better. I suffered from insomnia in class from reading at night because that was my ideal time for study. This habit followed me through studying for the state boards. Now, I still like to stay up at night to watch television. I like watching Discovery Science, the Learning Channel to look at medical issues, and such. These days, I am basically tired all of the time. When I do sleep it is not always that restful and I have aches and pains, especially since I developed plantar fasciitis. My energy peeks in the evenings when I get home, spend time here in allnurses or reading. But, I get depressed knowing that in X-amount of hours, I have to go back to work. I enjoy nursing, but hate the drama involved with it.

I also hate to deal with people the same way as before. I am not that social. I wasn't to begin with, preferring my own company, but now, I really would rather speak to people on the phone rather than get together with many of them, because now, people are basically draining. I live in New York, the metropolitan area, so it is crowded everywhere I go. I don't deal with the movies anymore because there are too many people around. I don't announce to many people I am a nurse because I don't want to deal with too many medically oriented questions. I seem to look forward to getting home after work to read, look at TV or go on line. Is this normal for any of you? I often wonder if I will feel this way until I retire. That seems to depress me a bit.

**TheCommuter** · #2 Aug 14, 2007, 08:07 PM

I, too, am not eager or invigorated at the thought of being around people since I have become a nurse. I hate to admit this, but I often find that I am faking kindness and forcing a smile on my face just to get through my days at work with "customer service" adequacy.

I now like to spend my days off on the computer, cooking, eating, taking solitary drives on the freeways, reading, attending school, studying, working out, and so forth. I do not particularly enjoy the social activities that my friends love, such as going to clubs, bars, parties, dances, sporting events, picnics, and gatherings. I simply need plenty of time to energize, and this is accomplished by spending time in isolation. No man is an island, but I need far less social stimulation than most others.

*pagandeva2000* · #3 Aug 14, 2007, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by TheCommuter

I, too, am not eager or invigorated at the thought of being around people since I have become a nurse. I hate to admit this, but I often find that I am faking kindness and forcing a smile on my face just to get through my days at work with "customer service" adequacy.

I now like to spend my days off on the computer, cooking, eating, taking solitary drives on the freeways, reading, attending school, studying, working out, and so forth. I do not particularly enjoy the social activities that my friends love, such as going to clubs, bars, parties, dances, sporting events, picnics, and gatherings. I simply need plenty of time to energize, and this is accomplished by spending time in isolation. No man is an island, but I need far less social stimulation than most others.

Nice to hear that another person feels this way. I would love to work out, but am sort of waiting for the foot pain to decrease. It is much better than before, but I have to start purchasing shoes that I can wear casually so that I can begin walking again. I used to love walking, but now, I am so tired that it takes all that I have to get the energy to get to work. Money is also an issue, because I am working to pay off debt. At this moment, my goal is to begin working per diem in med-surg to gain experience as well as to gain extra money for my vacation and to hopefully pay off all of my debts by the beginning of the year.

Like you, I am forcing myself to be customer friendly. What keeps me this way is karma; I want to be as kind as I can (and that is HARD...

with some of these idiot patients, families and co-workers) because if in case I or my family are sick, that hopefully, kindness will be returned. However, when work is over, I rush home to get to myself.

I find that I have to talk to myself to get motivated to go in to work. Music and meditation is not working in the same way as before, but that is what I do. There are some people that I avoid totally, because I don't want to be invited to go somewhere or have them visit me. They are too taxing for me!

**VivaLasViejas** · #4 Aug 14, 2007, 09:24 PM

Please consider visiting your doctor and telling him/her about how you have been feeling lately. You are experiencing some classic signs of depression: fatigue, social withdrawal, loss of interest in things you used to enjoy. And I'm sure the plantar fasciitis doesn't help matters, but it can be 'fixed' in the mechanical sense (you can buy a brace that keeps your foot dorsiflexed at night, which stretches the tendon and helps the pain immensely), while your low mood and energy levels may be due to a brain chemistry that's out of whack. And that may not be as easy as taking vitamins or changing jobs.

For what it's worth, what you're going through isn't unusual for those of us in the health professions; many nurses are born introverts who prefer their own company to start with, and being around people all day is more or less unnatural for them. It's the fact that this is something of a change for you that triggers suspicions of depression; that, and the fact that you obviously are stressed and less than happy with your work situation makes me think that it won't get better unless you address the underlying causes of your discontent.

I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do. You're not the first nurse to feel this way, nor will you be the last, but it's uncomfortable nonetheless. I hope things get better for you soon.

*Diary/Dairy* · #5 Aug 14, 2007, 09:34 PM

ahhh, Thank God it is not just me!! I am an introvert from the start though!!

*SuesquatchRN* · #6 Aug 14, 2007, 09:46 PM

Take mjlrn's advice, pagandeva. If not depression, rule out thyroid or any number of other things that can cause fatigue.

I'm very extraverted (extroverted?) but, paradoxically, I prefer being home reading than being out with people.

*CritterLover* · #7 Aug 14, 2007, 10:16 PM

I, too, prefer my own company.

Like Diarygirl, I've always been that way.

Nursing does exaggerate that tendency; since I can't avoid people at work, I tend to avoid them when I am off.

My friends have to drag me out every once in a while.

I hear what you are saying about plantar fascitis, too. I suffered through that in nursing school for a few months. I'm not sure what I did to get rid of it, but it doesn't bother me anymore.

As for exercise while your feet hurt, have you tried yoga and/or pilates? Much of it is mat work, and the stretching might help. They both tend to relax me when I do them, but help with energy levels later. You can get some good instructional videos for less than $15. There are videos that don't require any "extras," too (yoga block, strap, pilates band) since cost is a concern.

*pagandeva2000* · #8 Aug 14, 2007, 11:10 PM

I am not sure about being depressed, maybe more disillusioned. It is that I am overwhelmed and feel trapped at this job, in a sense. The facility paid my way to school by giving me a leave of absence with pay, paid tuition and books for me to become an LPN. I am grateful, but being in the foxhole instead of on the sidelines made me disappointed in many of the people I looked up to for years. The need is so great for these poor and underinsured patients and now, we are applying for magnet status...a complete farce as far as I am concerned. Administration here sucks and they are not really supportive. Most days, I want to spit in their faces; literally. I am trapped here to complete the contract for this place. Currently, I am trying to make the best of it by gaining as much experience as I can so that I can write my own ticket and leave this place if I discover a better opportunity.

I do have some nurses that are really great, but we are all overwhelmed. I was not an overly social person to begin with, but, now, I have no real energy to go out because I am so drained when I get home. If I had to place a finger on it, I think I would say that what is depressing is me wondering if I will always feel this way. I had more quality of life as an aide than I do as a nurse, and that frightens me. And, as I said, people in general overwhelm me, now. It is crowded in New York, the public transportation, the hospital, the neighborhoods and I just want to get away from them.

I really appreciate the time everyone has taken to offer their wisdom and suggestions!

*pagandeva2000* · #9 Aug 14, 2007, 11:11 PM

Originally Posted by Suesquatch

Take mjlrn's advice, pagandeva. If not depression, rule out thyroid or any number of other things that can cause fatigue.

I'm very extraverted (extroverted?) but, paradoxically, I prefer being home reading than being out with people.

I especially wish to acknowledge appreciation hearing from you; in fact, it is very thoughtful since your issues are deeper than mine. I hope that your husband gets better and the debt will decrease.

*zuzi* · #10 Aug 14, 2007, 11:36 PM