[LuvMyGamecocks]

Here I am!! Thank you, spacenurse, again.

Okay....I'd like to say, first and foremost, thank you all for responding so quickly, so honestly and so thoroughly. I think a lot of this I already knew...it just took seeing it come from someone else to validate it, I think.

Originally Posted by Angie O'Plasty RN

What I mean by that is, did you love him? Were you accepting of him, his situation, his family? Did you think maybe he'd change or that his family would change? Did you have a lot of contact with them before you married him?

I have known that I love this man since the night that I met him. It's a visceral feeling, one I never felt with another man.

All of this seems to have developed in the last year, except for the messed up family. We had a lot of contact with them before we married, and, though I never expected them to change, I have chosen to "live by example"...meaning when asked why I won't do something or why I feel the way I do, I offer my $.02. I married him in spite of his family, but we never discussed (until the night I posted this thread) the need to keep a distance between our new family and their negative influence. He wasn't thrilled (I think because it's really hitting home how messed up they are), but he agreed that he didn't want his own daughters to grow up anything like them.

Originally Posted by cheerfuldoer

Once the slop has been served, the best thing to do is figure out how to change menus to something more edible for the family.

I used this line when I talked to him. This one line - you wouldn't believe it...it's like a light went off in his head.

Originally Posted by Grace Oz

Ask yourself how will all this impact on you and the children in the long term. Try imagining, if you can, being much older and closer to the end of your life journey. Ask yourself how you imagine it to be. Then ponder if the life you are living now, will lead you in that direction.
I wish you well and hope you are soon feeling more peaceful.

I AM feeling more peaceful. It was hard to approach him with so much at one time, but he's a trooper. He listened and listened and listened. . .and then told me he had no idea that I was feeling as strongly as I was. The good news?? We have (both) agreed to see a third party to help develop better communication skills between each other.

As an older person, I've imagined myself rocking on the front porch with dh, girls and grandkids playing in the front yard...and of course, with a Margarita in hand!!

[Miss Ludie]

Mz Gamecock I have to say I am a bit surprised you solved this so happily. My congratulations to you in the outcome.

I really love your gamecockpicture too. Did you go to school there? I'm kind of partial to Clemson my self.

Once more I want to say you are a lucky ladie and I wish you the best.

[LuvMyGamecocks]

Mz Gamecock I have to say I am a bit surprised you solved this so happily.

I don't think he reeeeally knew how close I was to cracking (thanks, Miss Calculation), and I laid it all out at one time. He was overwhelmed, admittedly, and I need to work on better ways to communicate. Both of us do. But I am generating my peaceful, easy feeling with the knowledge that he sees the value in and is willing to have marital counseling.

The only thing I can't imagine a third party can do for us....he's a Clemson fan. We are what South Carolinians call "A House Divided"...meaning there is one spouse a Carolina fan, and the other a Clemson fan.

I'm ADN now, Miss Ludie...it's cheaper, by far, and a quality program with high NCLEX passing rates. I will be going to USC to finish out BSN. It eats up my dh to know he'll be married to a Carolina grad!!

[FutureNurse35]

I am sorry about your situation. I will pray so God can direct your path and help you through this tough decision.

[NursesRmofun]

I hear your pain. Marriage/relationships are painful when they go wrong. <sigh> The therapy is probably the best bet.

[cheerfuldoer]

Originally Posted by LuvMyGamecocks

.................................................. .........


I used this line when I talked to him. This one line - you wouldn't believe it...it's like a light went off in his head....................................

I'm sooooooo glad that what I shared with you helped. Praise God! It's a tough choice to stay and fight it out. Not all couples are willing to do the work to maintain their families, so I will be praying that you and your dh are able to do the hard work it takes to make a family. It's not all a bed of roses. There ARE thorns galore on those stems, so handle your family with tender loving care, and do not be afraid to put in the work it will take to make it work. It's the BEST work we have to do on earth, yet many fail at the challenge given us. I was one who wanted to maintain my family...never wanting to divorce...but it does take both husband and wife to make it work. No work...no play. So, keep us posted. I don't know your faith, or even if you or your husband believe in God or not. I will say that from my own experiences that without God in BOTH your lives, and a willingness to spiritually grow as one and as a couple...the marriage may survive, but how rich will it be? I wish you both well.