[Meerkat]

Hi Nursing Friends,
This is a bit of rant, a bit of vent, and a bit of question...

I went to court April 27th for custody of my daughter. I have had physical custody since I left my ex husb, just by virtue of the fact that I took her with me. He does get visitation.

Basically, it's been a nasty fight...mud slinging all around. We STILL don't have a judgement from the court. How loooong does it take?? What can we do to get the judge to put his a$$ in gear? My lawyer told me that this particular judge is notorious for setting papers up on his bookcase and taking them down when he feels good and ready to do so. This seems ridiculous to me. How can he possibly remember our testimony from 3 months ago???!

I'm going nuts waiting to hear!

[weetziebat]

Gee, I don't have any idea how long it should take, but sounds like this particular judge likes playing games. And don't suppose there is any way to hurry him along without the danger of ******* him off.

To look on the bright side, he mustn't think you're a bad mom, or he woud have done something by now. Hope you get some good news soon!

[compassion1]

I think every case is different. Much depends on how much fighting there is between the parents. Can you get a mediator? If a compromise can be reached, the court should push it through rather quickly. The judge may be waiting on the both of you to iron things out instead of an arbitary judgement that would impact so much on all three of you. And its so hard on the child who is in the middle. As hard as it is, I try not to dis my son's father in front of him. I'd loose out in the end as Ds still has love for his dad. They learn, on their own, what their parent is like. You win the game if you don't try to divide loyalities. This is the voice of experence. I was in the same war. Good luck.

[Meerkat]

Thanks guys,
We've already gone down mediation road, with no luck. I just don't understand why he is pushing for full custody---he wasn't there when she was born (abusing pain pills was more important), he is in the military and should be going to war soon, plus my baby was just diagnosed with epilepsy, so wouldn't it make more sense for her to stay with me (as a nurse I mean).
Thanks for your support!

[LPN,RNNow]

In both my husband's cases they knew before they left the courts what the plan was going to be. They also had it in writing within 2 weeks. It does sound like this judge is having some issues. To bad he is making it your problem.

[cheerfuldoer]

Originally Posted by Meerkat

Thanks guys,
We've already gone down mediation road, with no luck. I just don't understand why he is pushing for full custody---he wasn't there when she was born (abusing pain pills was more important), he is in the military and should be going to war soon, plus my baby was just diagnosed with epilepsy, so wouldn't it make more sense for her to stay with me (as a nurse I mean).
Thanks for your support!

I will take a gander and guess -- gut feeling here -- that your husband wants FULL custody of your daughter because he is in the military, and if you got custody, he would have to pay you a big chunk of child support not to mention if he lost his life serving in the war, the child would benefit greatly. While the child benefiting wouldn't disturb him, the issue in many a dud's mind is the mother will benefit, too, from what he has to pay the child's mother. He's not thinking of your dd. He's thinking about himself, and that DOES stink to high heaven. I hope the judge keeps sitting on the paperwork until your husband goes overseas. The judge is probably doing you...the mother...and the little girl a huge favor.

[Meerkat]

Originally Posted by cheerfuldoer

I will take a gander and guess -- gut feeling here -- that your husband wants FULL custody of your daughter because he is in the military, and if you got custody, he would have to pay you a big chunk of child support not to mention if he lost his life serving in the war, the child would benefit greatly. While the child benefiting wouldn't disturb him, the issue in many a dud's mind is the mother will benefit, too, from what he has to pay the child's mother. He's not thinking of your dd. He's thinking about himself, and that DOES stink to high heaven. I hope the judge keeps sitting on the paperwork until your husband goes overseas. The judge is probably doing you...the mother...and the little girl a huge favor.

Yes, you are 100% correct about the $$. He has told me many times he would leave the military before giving me child support. (What...like you can just 'quit' or something?)...Looks like deployment is a long way off though. He is a malingerer and manages to get convalescent leave for a few months for various 'ailments', goes back to work, and gets convalescent leave again. I have seen this guy shoot himself in the leg with a nail gun to get convalescent leave. Just as an example, he he been in flight school since 2003, and it doesn't take that long!! That's practically unheard of!

[Meerkat]

Originally Posted by cheerfuldoer

I will take a gander and guess -- gut feeling here -- that your husband wants FULL custody of your daughter because he is in the military, and if you got custody, he would have to pay you a big chunk of child support not to mention if he lost his life serving in the war, the child would benefit greatly. While the child benefiting wouldn't disturb him, the issue in many a dud's mind is the mother will benefit, too, from what he has to pay the child's mother. He's not thinking of your dd. He's thinking about himself, and that DOES stink to high heaven. I hope the judge keeps sitting on the paperwork until your husband goes overseas. The judge is probably doing you...the mother...and the little girl a huge favor.

By the way, thank you for the interesting and different perspective. It's something I'll be thinking on...

[Beary-nice]

I feel for you Meerkat, I have been down this road before as well. It took a full year the first time around to settle the custody issues. My ex since then has twice tried to get full custody and it has to do with what Cheerful is saying...$$$$. The judge I had the first time around put things on the back-burner as well which really ended up in my benefit because my ex is the type who starts trouble and runs and always it is about the money, not our daughter. He causes trouble, wants full custody, comes up with vicious lies, sues me, court takes awhile, he decides it is too expensive to follow through. See what I mean?? Good luck and I support you!

[cheerfuldoer]

Originally Posted by Meerkat

By the way, thank you for the interesting and different perspective. It's something I'll be thinking on...

You're welcome dear. Sit tight. The balls in YOUR court...or should I say in your DD's court. You're both in my prayers.