[VivaLasViejas]

Talk about a fitting end to the crazy week I've had..........

My 15-year-old son and I went into town today to do some grocery shopping and just hang out together for awhile, as we do from time to time. He's fun to be with, if a little loud and obnoxious at times, and we were having a blast roaming around town.

By one-thirty we both were pretty hungry, so we decided to go to Carl's Jr. for some lunch. Unfortunately, we ordered too much food, and I was full as a tick after getting through most of my Western Bacon cheeseburger and medium fries. Ben, being a teenaged boy, naturally finished his double-cheese-and-large-fries as well as a large 7-Up, so I was a little concerned about his ability to......well........control his internal workings when we went to the next place, which was Walgreens.

Now, even though we're pretty lax about belching at home---I live in the Testosterone Universe, after all---my family does try to maintain at least the appearance of couth in public, at least when I'M along for the ride. So before we went into Walgreens, I warned Ben to get whatever he needed to OUT of his system, because I didn't want to hear him burping in the store. See, Ben makes this distinctive loud, rumbling sound that tends to build up to a roar over the course of at least ten seconds; in fact, he could probably say the entire alphabet on one belch if I'd let him! It's also a noise that would identify him to me half a world away, not to mention his classmates, teachers, friends, relatives, and even the dog.

What I didn't count on was my own traitorous stomach. Ever since I gave up my gallbladder last summer, I've had issues........like LOTS of gas. It's my own dang fault, of course, because I still eat all the same crap that killed my GB in the first place. Be that as it may, I'm not used to having so many problems with my innards, and it still surprises me sometimes when I have so little control over it.

I was in the cosmetics section looking at some nail polish when I opened my mouth to say something to my son..........and instead, out came a belch of such magnitude (and amplitude) that I couldn't get my hands over my face fast enough to smother it. The counter gal just chuckled and told me I should've blamed it on my son; Ben, for his part, was literally rolling in the aisle and laughing so hard that tears squirted from his eyes. Meanwhile, the burp had made its way through my sinuses and caused my own eyes to water and my nose to sting madly; this classy act was immediately followed by two loud sneezes and one more burp, and then I was finally left to fan my hot face and try to reclaim my dignity...........whatever was left of it.

Ah, the stories one can tell on a stormy Memorial Day weekend evening...........one I know my son won't forget anytime soon, even if I myself would like to!

[suebird3]

Ya think this would teach the kid just how bad it is when HE does it, but did it work? Noooo..... I swear the male species just don't get it.

Suebird

[weetziebat]

OMG, Marla! It happens to the best of us, but must say I'm not sure I'd have to guts to talk about it. I'd be so mortified that it would no doubt be at least a year before I shopped at Walgreen's again. Probably at least a month before I headed into town for that matter.

Your son will never let you live that one down.

I'll decline to share incidents in my life, but thanks for sharing yours. Gave me a good laugh!

[compassion1]

Good grief! I'm laughing myself silly 'cause I can relate. Have you ever sneezed (and as we know that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction) then gave out an unexpected noise with a lovely odor? My son refers to me as the fart queen, to my extreme mortification. One evening we were at the movies and I was putting in a mighty effort to avoid unfortunate noises during the movie. When we were finally in the parking lot, and safely away from innocent bystanders (I thought) I was able to let the rumble roar. Unfortunately, I turned to give a relieved grin to my family and found another family directly behind me. With red face I hot footed it to the car, never looking back.

P.S. Getting old stinks!

[VivaLasViejas]

Originally Posted by compassion1

P.S. Getting old stinks!

It does that........quite literally too, I might add!! Great story though!

I've gotta admit it: I played a tune on the ol' butt-trumpet in public once as well. I was having a HORRID gas attack one day, and since I was at work, it wasn't like I could stop what I was doing to go deal with it. So I just held things in, all.........day.........looooooong. Halfway through the shift, I was in terrific pain, and things were threatening to explode every time I bent to put on a patient's shoes, but through sheer determination I managed to finish out the day.

Well, I didn't quite make it out of the building. No sooner had I set foot in the hospital elevator than a goose slipped out of my backside, and not only did it announce itself loudly, it REEKED. I'm not kidding---this sucker could've peeled the paint off the walls. What was even worse, two nurses from another floor and a doctor were in there with me!!

This was one of those times when all you can do is pray for the ground to open up and swallow you whole, so you never have to face people again.....of course, that never happens when you need it to, and all I could do was apologize profusely and then break a few track records getting the heck OUT of there. So I guess I've had more embarrassing moments than today's faux pas in Walgreens.........but it'll be a long time before I go in there again just the same.

[prmenrs]

Years and years (many of them) from now, as the family tenderly gathers around Marla's death bed, someone will say, "Remember when we were @ Wahlgren's and Mom...."

Start liking it, Marla, you will never, ever live it down!

[ChayaN]

My mom loves to tell this story: She once let one rip in front of my brother who was then 2. He looked up at her and said, "Change you?"

[ZASHAGALKA]

Originally Posted by suebird3

Ya think this would teach the kid just how bad it is when HE does it, but did it work? Noooo..... I swear the male species just don't get it.

Suebird

I guess I don't get it; what's the big deal?

I'm raising 3 boys and if one of the FOUR of us doesn't leave some conspicuous 'gas' behind WHERE-EVER, then it's a bloody miracle.

My middle child is quite proficient at burping. He can string out a 5-7 second burp on command. And frequently does. They guess and gauge the reactions of unsuspecting employees not aware of their immediate 'gassy' futures all the time.

LOLOLOL.

~faith,
Timothy.

[VivaLasViejas]

Originally Posted by prmenrs

Years and years (many of them) from now, as the family tenderly gathers around Marla's death bed, someone will say, "Remember when we were @ Wahlgren's and Mom...."

Start liking it, Marla, you will never, ever live it down!

Oh, my........ya know, my family is just warped enough to do exactly that!!!

BTW, thanks for the mental pictures, prmenrs---just what I needed

Funny stories, though.......I don't feel QUITE so mortified now.

[dianah]

My cousin used to burp the alphabet . . .


Oh, and he was great at doing the fart-using-your-hand-in-your-armpit, AND he could do variations of the noise (short ones, long-and-drawn-out ones) AND he could lie down and do both back-of-the-knee areas either simultaneously or alternately. Quite the talented fellow, that!


So, once dh invited a rep home for dinner, when I was pregnant with our second child. I didn't know this man at all. First child was in bed, asleep, the pizza arrived and I got the table ready. Well, you know how it is when you're pregnant, you lose control of certain sphincters . . and we all approached the table and I needed to pass gas, and that uterus was there, and I thought it would be quiet but the gas slipped out and it was NOT quiet, and here's this young man standing not four feet away as dh is inviting him to sit down for some pizza . . . <sigh> what can ya do????? He probably still tells that story, shaking his head . . "Yer not gonna believe this one! Once I was at this guy's house, and his gross pregnant wife . . ." Oh well!


I did survive to tell the story.