[mercyteapot]

Originally Posted by NicInNC

My 8 year old cousin has displayed signs of autism since he was a toddler. Even his dad can see it, but my aunt gets mad when anyone says that anything is wrong with her child.

He is up here visiting from Florida and I can't believe how much worse it's gotten. He constantly flaps his arms wildly, kicks his legs and squeels. My uncle Brian (not his dad...) took him to a race last night and said that he did it for 2 straight hours. My uncle was so embarrased and so I told him that I've always thought Kevin (my cousin) had a form of autism, but that Debbie (my aunt...Kevin's mom) gets mad when anyone mentions Kevin's behavior.

He also gets in his own world, NEVER smiles, and used to have terrible behavior problems. His behavior has gotten better, but the arm flapping, feet kicking, squeeling and "in his own world" behavior has gotten so much worse.

How can I get my aunt to understand that she needs to have him evaluated? I don't understand why the school hasn't picked up on this. Maybe it's because they pay $500/month to keep him in private school.

Nobody in the family will confront her, but I have decided that I will. I just don't know how to go about approaching her in a way that she'll take me seriously.

Thanks for any help in advance!

Nicole

Nicole, I would try toning down your language and approaching your aunt in a different way. This shouldn't be about "confronting" your aunt. It should be about helping her to understand that there are services that could help your cousin. Instead of telling your uncle that you think your cousin has autism (I am almost always right when I speculate privately about a child's condition, but I NEVER share my opinion with the parent, because I am not qualified to do so) I would have done some research about programs available in their community. And then, I would put together the information in a way that addresses the most pressing of your cousin's problems. We run up against this pretty frequently at my job. Grandma thinks something's up but her daughter doesn't, aunt, uncle, babysitter, whoever, is more alarmed than the parent. Say a child's language is developing the way would be expected. I suggest to grandma that she tells the child's parents about a program she heard about, it will do a free language assessment. Or if behaviors are getting to be difficult to control, finding out what agency in her state can help with behavior modification. But always introduce it in a way that emphasizes how it will help the child, and never announce your suspicions to the parent. You could be wrong (you're probably not, but this child needs to be assessed. My son's preschool teacher told me that a former school nurse once announced to a Mom that her 3 year old was schizophrenic, when in fact he had a tumor pressing on his brain). As far as why the school hasn't picked on this, maybe they have. Maybe your aunt and uncle just aren't sharing this information with you. And I'd love to know where they found a private school that will accept a child with autism for $500 a month. They run about $2500 a month here.

EDITED TO ADD: UNC Chapel Hill has excellent autism resources! You should check them out.