[walk6miles]

Dear Pam
I read your posting and I had to write. On July 23, 1976, I lost my best friend in a horrific accident. I was not a nurse then, and I look back on my reaction in the ER and even now feel embarrassed. I received a call at 5 a.m. telling me to come to a certain hospital as my husband was there. Despite my begging the caller to tell me what was wrong with him, they would not tell me more. I called my boss for directions and drove there at breakneck speed. I heard about the accident on the radio and I foolishly told myself it was not my husband - he had merely been a witness and was upset and needed a ride.

Instead, I was shown to a small room where Bill laid. Not a mark on him, I kept asking the young man who escorted me to Bill if he was really dead. I put my head on his chest and listened and listened and listened. The young man started to cry. Eventually I was handed a small envelope containing Bill's wallet and St. Christopher medal. My grief lasted more than 20 years.

I will tell you what I share with anyone who asks me how I got through it. Kubler-Ross has a whole series of books concerning death and dying. I highly recommend buying them and reading them as often as you need to. They WILL help - I promise!

My wonderful Dad died of a massive heart attack a little more than a year later. I was still not a nurse then. I didn't understand any of it.

You did everything possible; as you learn more in nursing school, and get some experience under your belt, you will see that for yourself.

My father's needless death convinced me to go to nursing school despite all the roadblocks that the college put in front of me. I graduated with my nursing degree and wound up in Cardiac Care, then post CABG recovery and finally transplant recovery. I love my job; I love being a nurse.

Pam, feel free to email me at any time. If you feel the need for a question to be answered, I will be here for you.

All the best, God Bless!

[jannrn]

We recently had a situation where the mom of 3 kids (6,9,12yr) was vacationing in Jamaica when her husband collapsed and died. She did everything, and in that country they did an autopsy (wouldn't let her go home without it being done) and he had alot of problems including ones they did not know about. He basically had a stroke, he was to be 40 this summer.

The best thing you can do is get in touch with a hospice program because they often have wonderful programs for the kids, including summer camps, but mostly the regular meetings for kids (and you).