[Tina B]

I am so sorry for your loss. This must seem like a horrible nightmare that will not end. You have a lot of trauma to deal with...the loss of your love and partner in life, the experience of trying to save your husband and not being able to, the pain of having your children watch the whole drama. My heart goes out to you. One thing that I thought of is, at least your children will know that you did everything possible to save their dad. It is human nature to replay events and think maybe we could have done better or differently and gotten a better outcome, when the outcome is not good. You did good. Be kind to yourself and let people help you and be there for you and your kids. It's ok for you to share your grief with your kids, they need to see that you are grieving, too.

[mom and nurse]

Pam - you and your children are in my thoughts and prayers today. You did everything you should do to try to rescue your husband.... Let us know how you are doing....

[Sabby_NC]

Dear Pam
I am just checking in on you.
I pray you are able to let go of your doubts etc and were able to speak to someone about your fears/doubts.
I wish you strength and love at this sad time in your life.
Just try to let go of all the 'yucky' stuff and be there for your children.
If I could hug you I would. I found the hug so there you go.
Sabby

[kimmercris]

I am sooooo sorry.
First, it sounds like you did EVERYTHING you could possibly do.
Second, most Diabetics never experience chestpain due to neuropathy.
When you have someone who's physical body has had some much going on, it is really hard to say what really occurred. I know that Type 2 Diabetics are considered cardiac risk factors BEFORE they even have noticable cardiac complications like HTN and hyperlipidemia. So their risk factor goes up when they get the complications.
This is going to be a really hard thing to live through with your kids. Your kids watching the situation will know you did what you could, would have seen that everyone tried to help dad, but you both will have things you will want to work through. I really recommend grief support for yourself, for your kids, and for your teen. I work with kids in these situations and they really experience help and support when they are connected with other kids who have lost a parent and been through a traumatic situation.
Give yourselves time to work through it, but don't go it alone. Again, it sounds like you did what you could do and your husband's body had a lot of burden on it that couldn't have been overcome. If it isn't to late, did you order an autopsy? Sometimes you can get an answer for what caused his death. I'll be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.-kimmercris, arnp

[butterfly21]

I am very sorry to hear about your husband. you did everything you could but it's hard not to beat yourself up. My husband died 2 years ago and I used to think I was a terrible nurse because I could not save him. Looking back there was nothing I could have done either as he was very ill but it was still sooner than anyone expected. Please take care of yourself and your children.

[mistydave]

oh my what you must be going through. Please know you are in my prayers too. My husband is my best friend too, and I think replaying everything in your mind is perfectly normal. although I have never been through anything like this. I replay silly things in my mind that shouldn't even matter, but let alone something like this. you are brave and did everything you could-

[daisybaby]

My thoughts, prayers, and hugs go out to you. Please see someone to talk your feelings out. Be good to yourself.

[blue49]

I hope that with the time involved and the caring and compassion from friends and family near and here you are doing as well as can be expected.
I hope you have found that someone or just here to talk with and be assured that you did what was needed, but it was his time and he was ill.
I am sure that you can now look back and even though you did not get to say goodbye like you wanted, you said he was your best friend and I am sure he knew this.
That is why we must live every day like it may be our last and without regret.
Comforting thoughts for you and yours from another nurse that would probably beat herself up as much as you have done.

[wilbur's mom]

Dear Pam and Sons,
I am so sorry about your loss. Nothing anyone can say will truly help. I know. Only time helps alittle, as the grief will fade. My daughters, 4 and 10 at the time, shared a similar loss. My son was stillborn. I truly believe my girls are stronger women for sharing this grief. I am glad your boys were able to see what YOU COULD DO, and that what they saw will be part of them forever. Put your shoulders back and know that you could not have done anymore more than what you did, because hear me... You would have. Please try to include your children in talking about what they saw. And try to share with them how you feel about what happed, and what you were able to do. They stood by in a terrible experience. They need to know that however they reacted to their loss, was perfectly ok. That their feelings be validated, and expressed, (maybe they will grow up to be a nurse or paramedic?) And that it is ok to be angry. I know it is. God Bless.

[weesyanne]

pyseymo,
I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds to me like you did everything in your power to help you husband. He may never have had any rhythm other than fine v-fib or asystole.

I hope you have a lot of support around you. Please take care of those two kids and know that our thoughts and prayer are with you.