[cappuccino]

So sorry for your loss. It sounds like you did everything right........

[whiskeygirl]

Hi Pam-
You did a good job keeping your wits about you in such a time of extreme stress! Your husband knew you were there.
I am so sorry that this happened to you.
I have been in a similar situation.
My daughter was of the same age as your youngest and saw everything, too.
If you are interested in talking, I will give you my phone numer in PM.
You aren't alone.

[Grace Oz]

Condolences on your sad loss. You did all you possibly could. I wish you and the children peace as you grieve the loss of your husband and father.

[DR2004RN]

I agree with the others. It sounds like you did everything you could. It was just his time to go. He was among those who loved him most when his time came. I will keep you and your children in my prayers and please keep us all posted on how you and your children are doing. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

[kiszi]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost a dear friend to suicide in April and it was only recently that I stopped blaming myself. It will get better, I promise. May the Lord cover you in His peace.

[papannell]

It is a normal reponse to question yourself after something like this happens. If you re-read your own post you can see the answer without my help. Let me assure you that what you are feeling is absolutly normal. I had a son that died in an auto accident 8 years ago. He was 20 and coming home from work after a night shift. The driver (a friend) and he were tired and sleepy and they hit a bridge after the driver fell asleep. I was no where near the accident but I still tried to make it my fault.
1. I should have forseen it somehow
2. I should have drilled seatbelts into his head more (it would not have saved him but I went there anyway)
3. I should have loaned him my car and he would have been driving himself
4. I should have been a better mother (like that would have stopped the accident)

No matter what the circumstances, we (expecially women) find ways to be at fault. Be assured that you did everything you could do and pray.
Why pray? Even though you are not guilty of anything..... Ask God to forgive you for your shortcomings and frailties and if he can forgive you..... then with his help.. you can forgive yourself.. and find peace in his arms. I will pray for you as well. peg

[lauras25911]

So sorry to hear about your loss. Sounds to me like you did everything you could....
Don't beat yourself up over this.
Stay strong and give it to God.

[CrunchRN]

I am so very sorry for your loss. You did an outstanding job, and I am certain that your children will be proud of you for all you did.

Hugs to you,
Kim

[pagandeva2000]

I also want to extend my empathy. This is a horrible thing to happen at any time, and being a nursing student doesn't make it easier. Take the time to grieve and heal. School will be there when your head is in a different frame. This was too tragic of a situation to just jump back into things. And, yes, you did all that you can do at the time. It is easier said than done, but try not to blame yourself.

[withasmilelpn]

I put my 7 month old down for a nap then went to work with my husband on duty. My husband found him not breathing, he did not know CPR, 911 instructed him on the phone. He did not make it. The coroner said it was SIDS. Of course I've wondered if I had been home, would the outcome have been different, but truthfully, in the end all my questions don't change anything, he's still gone and it's completely out of my control. So I don't go there, I focus on what I can control, how I can take the best care of my other children and my husband, which included getting support for me and them. Get involved with a support group and keep going. Friends and family can be wonderful, but can never be in your shoes. They will go on with their lives while you continue to struggle long past the time people expect. Your kids are older, and at a difficult age, they will need lots of support from you that may be hard for you at times. Try and talk openly with them about the good times, not just that moment. I really feel that if we deny ourselves the good memories of the person we loved and focus on that final awful moment, we deny the gift they were and still are in our lives. Be kind to yourself and take things one step at a time. It will get easiar over time, I promise. PM me if you need to!