[AKAKatydid]

Ok, I find this strange. I've always separated my work life from my private life.. but I live & work in a small community, and I think lines get blurred a little bit. Personally, I prefer to keep lines as separate as possible. Not all my coworkers feel this way, and that makes things a little awkward. (I have a coworker/friend that accepts friend requests from anyone!)

This weekend, I discharged a mom/baby couplet, and I received today a friend request from the mother with a very nice note stating that I was her favorite nurse and she saw me on one of my coworker's myspace pages.

I keep my page private (visible to friends only), and I really only accept friend requests with people that I know and trust. I don't feel comfortable allowing a patient into my personal page. How should I handle this professionally and politely? I'd like to deny the request, but because of the small-town area (and the fact that she's in my age group) I need to do this tactfully!!

I could really use your input!!

Thanks bunches!!!

[JRD2002]

I have never had this happen before but I think it is probably more common with mother/baby or pedi issues because the parents want to update you on their child's progress.

Here is how I would handle it. This is a little bit sneaky but I think it will solve your problem and no one will get offended. I would create a second myspace page for your work persona. Only put work information on there and keep personal information to a minimum. Add your coworkers to this account and a few other friends to make it look legit. Deny your patient's original request and send her your own request so that she ends up being on the right page.

I totally understand where you are coming from being from a small town myself. I like to keep my personal and professional life separate. In my opinion it is never a good idea to become too involved with a patient. Best of luck in handling this delicate situation.

[justme1972]

I can imagine how difficult something like that would be.

I will never forget when I had a close friend about 5 years ago that was a victim of a violent crime and I went to visit him at the hospital at a larger city nearby that I used to live in.

We were just chit chatting while the male nurse was just running through some vitals, bringing meds, changing out the IV, etc.

He started talking about a new house him and his wife bought, how excited they were about it, started telling us how they found it, etc.

So (and to me, this was a natural question in the flow of conversation)...I said, "Oh, which side of town did you buy on?"

Now...keep in mind the question wasn't "Which subdivision" or "What address"...just what side of town.

He looked at me like I had asked for his firstborn, and said, "We aren't allowed to answer personal questions like that."

Keep in mind...this was a hospital where first and last names were on the name badges and the area also had a very easily accessible public land records search that had all of the public information of your home, right down to the address that the tax bill got sent to.

I'll just never forget how rude he sounded.

This is what he could have done instead: Just made something up.

[SmilingBluEyes]

A good rule of thumb for anyone using myspace, facebook and other such sites would be to keep profiles private, leaving all identifying information off, such as city/town, full name, etc. and denying all friend requests from everyone except only your closest family and friends---just as you have done.

You are right (and ethical) not to cross lines with patients and maintain proper professional boundaries.

[RealNurseWitch]

Now, if he didn't want you to ask what part of town he lived in, then heck, why did he start a conversation about such a "personal" subject in the first place?

Sheesh, that's just dumb.

Anyway, to answer the OP: I like the idea of having a separate myspace page for your professional persona; something that your patients actually CAN write to and update you on their babies and such. Leave any other personal stuff that you don't want them to know, off of it.

I have a couple of friends/family members who have personal myspace and facebook pages, and let their students have access to them and be their "friends" (they are schoolteachers). I personally don't feel like this is the best idea, but again, I think it would be a good idea for them to have separate pages for their students.

Originally Posted by Hopefull2009

I can imagine how difficult something like that would be.

I will never forget when I had a close friend about 5 years ago that was a victim of a violent crime and I went to visit him at the hospital at a larger city nearby that I used to live in.

We were just chit chatting while the male nurse was just running through some vitals, bringing meds, changing out the IV, etc.

He started talking about a new house him and his wife bought, how excited they were about it, started telling us how they found it, etc.

So (and to me, this was a natural question in the flow of conversation)...I said, "Oh, which side of town did you buy on?"

Now...keep in mind the question wasn't "Which subdivision" or "What address"...just what side of town.

He looked at me like I had asked for his firstborn, and said, "We aren't allowed to answer personal questions like that."

Keep in mind...this was a hospital where first and last names were on the name badges and the area also had a very easily accessible public land records search that had all of the public information of your home, right down to the address that the tax bill got sent to.

I'll just never forget how rude he sounded.

This is what he could have done instead: Just made something up.

[SmilingBluEyes]

The idea of a separate page is a good one as long as the ground rules are clear. I like it!!!

[Jolie]

Being an old fuddy-duddy, I wouldn't mix Myspace with work at all. Certainly not on a personal page, but not on a professional one either.

I would be concerned about the legal implications if a former patient were to post a question, problem or concern to your page that went unnoticed, or that you felt uncomfortable answering.

I think it would be perfectly appropriate to thank the patient for her kind words, while letting her know that you would prefer that she contact you thru your place of employment, as your Myspace page is for personal use.

JMO.

[queenjean]

It's an interesting issue. I don't know if "old fashioned" rules of professionalism apply or not; it seems like myspace, facebook, youtube et al have redefined privacy.

My inclination would be to deny the request. I don't have a myspace so I don't know exactly how this works, but maybe you can send a note with a denial, stating you appreciate her note and request, and you were happy to be her nurse, but that as a rule you like to separate your professional and private lives. Do you really want to set up a public/work myspace for patients? What purpose would that serve? Are you going to interact with the people who request to be your friend? What if they ask you health related questions? Would you request to be a friend of your doctor or your nurse on myspace?

My inclination is also to say that, this is a danger you run when you put private information out on the very public internet. But in the back of my mind is also this little voice telling me that maybe times have changed and in the up and coming generation of nurses and other professionals, this will be an issue that will probably redefine or even eliminate that professional line that was so important 20 years ago and which has undergone a slow blurring lately.

So, to make a long story short: I'm too old, I don't know, I got nothin for ya, get off my lawn.

[GenXnurse]

Look-

You should simply deny the request and be honest. You can deny the request AS WELL as send that person a message on myspace. Professional lines and personal lines should not be crossed. What if you take care of this person again or the little one? They might not want private information disclosed either..... You need to protect yourself as well as your patients. Send a nice reply stating that you enjoyed taking care of them and to ensure their privacy (and yours) that adding them to your personal page is not in the best interest of both parties. I think this is a tactful, and respectful way to handle it. People will appreciate your professionalism. I have a lawyer and an accountant for a rental house business. Both are great people, but I don't add them to my facebook personal page. As for creating a second page- I think that takes work, and is not very genuine. Better to be honest in a tactful way- IMHO.

Good luck.

[pagandeva2000]

I totally understand your dilemma. Maybe it's just me, but I would not accept the friendship, even under a professional persona, because it starts to blur the professional lines and somehow, that starts to interfere with my personal life. The only contact I wish to have with patients is when they actually come to the facility for treatment and service...I can get my updates, then. I would explain to the patient as tactfully as possible that the lines cannot be blurred.