[kstec]

As someone else wrote, my mother was an alcoholic, but I buried her 3 and 1/2 years ago. She'd been an alcholic her whole life from as far back as I can remember, somewhere along the way she developed a prescription drug addiction. Gotta love the doctors who don't give a crap about their patients. (The last and final doctor before she died was told by me that she was an addict and to please stop giving her Norco, his name was on her pill bottles labeled with the date filled 3 days before she died). She was one month shy of her 50th birthday. I live in Illinois but she is buried in Tennessee. I have not been able to see her grave but I did make sure she had a beautiful headstone and footstone. I tried everything from hiding her alcohol as child to begging and pleading, to yelling and cussing to try and get her to quit. I know it's an illness, but she never got help and she died way to soon. I really have no advice except don't let her stay with you. You can't change her and no matter what you do you'll feel you made the wrong choice. Tough love, enabling and pleading. The outcome will be what it will be but you don't have to let her (and adult) disrupt your life. You are the child, she is the adult. When she finally decides to get help, be supportive but don't be to disappointed when she fails. Take everything she says at face value and consider the source. Alcoholics are usually the kindest people in the world, but will lie, steal and manipulate to get what they want and to not disappoint the ones they know want them to get help and in the interim you will get hurt over and over again. My whole life I always knew it wasn't a matter of if my mom was going to die but when. I always knew in the back of my head that I would get that phonecall, you never can prepare but I knew it would come sooner than later. From personal experience I advise you to love her unconditionally, not enable her, not let her live with you, and take everything she says with a grain of salt and consider the source to avoid heartbreak. You are not responsible for your mothers actions but you are responsible for how you deal with her. Sorry this was so long, but been there, done that. It hurts like hell to see someone you love killing themselves but when that is what they are out to do in a round about way, there is nothing you can do. I wish you the best and I hope your mother gets help before you get that dreaded call. PM me anytime, I can so relate to you.

[sharona97]

It's so sad to watch someone you love so much, hurt themselves so much.
My mom is an alcoholic with many issues that started before she started having kids.

By the grace of God she has 3 children, I am her only daughter and legitamate child.
I left the dysfunct at lightening speed and did seek out Al-Anon for my co-dependency.

I still read those affirmations everyday, sometimes it helps and somedays it seems like nothing will help.

But I am a strong believer in confronting the problem, not to make it worse but to help bring out the problem and baggage it brings with it and also to resolve or help to resolve with what it can do for me at the time. I'm worth it. So are you.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a meanie, I just like to be treated fairly and if that means to emotionally dismiss myself from the problem for my own sanity, I will. I found when you confront appropriatley to someone they either open their arms or close them tight. Like all the posts above, it's about taking care of you or you will become part of the insanity.

You mentioned your mother being "sent to you", if needed send her back. Fair is fair.
Have a family discussion instead of tip toeing around the uncomfortableness and band together. Sounds good eh? Always was a wish of mine.

Sadly today my mother sits alone in her bed dying from lung CA and the people that are allowed to be with her ( yes she still manipulates) are alcohlic as well. People who don't understand emotion, how to feel, how to deal, and it hurts. They themselves are hurting an displacing anger on me, easy for them to do. Fortunetly, even tho I still feel the pain, I understand the rationale.

I keep praying that she works issues out before she dies. Forgives herself. And the reason I can't see her is because of confrontation. But As of right now I'm not dying and scared to death, she has to make the choice. And I await..........to take her hand and tell her how much I love her and thank her for all the good stuff, and of course she is forgiven in my heart, but Does she know that? Not until I tell her. So I keep praying.

I wish you the best in dealing with this insanity and worry, just know you can come out of this intact. You need to decide, do I want to help my mom with confrontation to help solve the problem or do I want to help my mom and do nothing? Big huge decisions, the tuth hurts, but time does heal.

Best of luck and I will keep you in my prayers.

Sharona