[dmwRNpa]

No, it doesnt get easier, persay. It gets easier to deal with, but in all reality its always going to be hard. You imagine the family and their grief, and that makes it hard also. But it is part of life, you are born, you live, and then you die. Its amazing sometimes how fast people deteriorate. I was devastated with my first patient death. Now I can deal with it in a professional manner, but I still feel badly for the grieving family and friends. Keep your chin up, it all works out for the best in the end.

[zacarias]

In floor nursing, I don't see death all that often. But this last week there was a death and it was hard on me.

I had admitted the patient the night before. I came on shift and she sleeping so I saw another patient first. I get called by a tech saying she's satting 76. So I run in the room and sure enough 'Betty' is gasping for breath (she is COPD and always is labored) but this woman is going having a hard time and starting to lose reality. I verify her sats and run for the non-rebreather to get her sats up.
A long story short, she was retracting on a bipap for a day until the friend/POA decided to let her go after talking to extended family. She died in minutes.
The part that was difficult for me was that when I admitted her, she had told me that she was alone. She was 88 and alone and had a son that was rich and traveling the world. She had wanted to go to the doctor the week before but had no one to take her. (surely at independent living facilities they have people that do this)
Her friend was in her 80s too, dying of CA, on chemo, weak, AND the pt's POA. When the patient took a turn, we had to call the friend, wake her up and have her come down. This sickly old woman with a heart of gold had to see her best friend this way and then try to contact the pt's distant family. I had to hold on to the friend because she could hardly hold herself up, mostly likely because of the anemia plus all this.
The strength of the human spirit is beyond comprehension. I told my patient as I held her hand how fortunate her friend was to have such a friend in her.

[Tiwi]

I have mainly dealt with adult deaths (that sounds so impersonal). The first person I will never forget...he was NFR, I was still a student as well, and I found myself bawling my eyes out. I also didn't know how to deal with the relatives.

Do you know something? I still find it hard to deal with relatives, though I'm getting better. The best thing I have found is to allow them space, but let them spend as much time with their loved one, and be available whenever they need you...which is really hard. Don't pretend you know all the answers, just listen.

When I help lay someone out, I find when I wash them, I tell them what's happening and talk to them. OK maybe they can't hear me, but I think "so where are they spiritually?", and feel I should treat them with the respect they deserve. And I notice I'm not the only one who does this. To each their own.

If it was an unexpected death, it's all the harder because your own emotions are topsy turvy, and trying to help family when you are finding it difficult to cope yourself is really hard. And you don't have all the answers. I usually call the senior to help here.

My sister lost a couple of children at fourteen weeks. I stayed at the hospital for the second miscarriage (hate that word). The baby was so tiny. The worst thing was that my sister felt that the baby was fourteen weeks old, if you know what I mean, and she had developed a relationship/excitement with each pregnancy. I have learnt never to take that for granted again. Mothers in this situation really do deserve care...

[TeleRNer]

Originally Posted by zacarias

She was 88 and alone and had a son that was rich and traveling the world. She had wanted to go to the doctor the week before but had no one to take her. (surely at independent living facilities they have people that do this)
Her friend was in her 80s too, dying of CA, on chemo, weak, AND the pt's POA. When the patient took a turn, we had to call the friend, wake her up and have her come down. This sickly old woman with a heart of gold had to see her best friend this way and then try to contact the pt's distant family. I had to hold on to the friend because she could hardly hold herself up, most likely because of the anemia plus all this.
The strength of the human spirit is beyond comprehension. I told my patient as I held her hand how fortunate her friend was to have such a friend in her.

Wow, what a story. These stories we face and hurt the core of our being. Oddly, I look forward to looking back awed at having experiencing them and sharing them with grand kids, that is if they have the stomach and maturity for them!
If I were a great painter, I'd muster up the effort to paint this heartfelt heroic act of friendship!

[michelle54]

Like others are saying, some deaths are easier to take than others. When I am caring for the patient who happens to die on my watch, I always think of how it has been a privilege to care for this person as they are dying (and their family members in this time of need). I am fortunate in that we don't have that many deaths on our floor, and even more fortunate in that we rarely have any sudden deaths. They are mostly expected, and you can gear up your level of care to accommodate the patient and family during the final days/hours.

[TriageRN_34]

Okay I may be an odd duck, but that is not new news! LOL!

The dying patient and the deceased pts are actually a time for me to be 100% myself and open as a nurse! I do no harm yet get to treat the patient kindly, respectfully, and with dignity without all the stress of dealing with other kinds of patients (ie living and getting better).

For example, comfort care on a dying patient is something I enjoy! Making the patient as comfortable as I can, giving them a massage or brush their hair back from their face and give them a kind smile to assure them I am there for them and they are not alone in any way!

I basically get to spoil them without the pressure of so many other orders or docs popping in, and families can tell I am doing this too. It is my time to be my helpful self instead of just the nurse in me...I get to share being that part of me that is a nurse and just a normal person that wants to comfort, and the nurse in me that knows how to do it in a medically safe and effective way!

I get to show the FULL me, my own personal ART of nursing to the fullest I feel. It just seems less pressured timelines and medical implementations to do and opens that time for just being a human being caring for another human being...holding hands, wiping a brow, showing respect and dignity to the dying/deseased, cleaning them, brushing their hair, and helping them transitition from this life, to the next part of the journey.

Personally, even with odd family dynamics I find it a peaceful time to simply do basic patient care for comfort and warmth...and no one expects me to do otherwise in these cases! NICE!

I do this for other patients, but it is different...very different from the dying/deseased pt. I don't have a nursing shell on with them...and the true Triage PERSON comes out more than the nurse...and to me that is very refreshing!

[EarthChild1130]

I work on an oncology unit, and our patients are adult, and for the most part DNR, so when a patient passes away it is not totally unexpected, and while I have learned to deal with it, it has only become less stressful, but not easier...I do agree with one poster in that I feel that I am privileged to share in that time with my patient, and able to comfort him/her in a time of need, and hopefully able to share with the family as well. I also enjoy particularly that part of nursing, and while it is never easy, death is not scary to me...after all, as Albus Dumbledore says in "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone", 'to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.' You will find your coping mechanism.

[kmwlpn]

I have worked in long-term care for 11 years, and I believe it may get easier, as far as for you emotionally to watch someone die. But when you get were it does not affect you at all, it's time to change professions.

[Agnus]

It was over 30 years ago for me. So I honestly do not remember the first time. For me performing post mortum care is a sacred act. (not religiously)

It deserves reverence and respect. Whether I new the person or not I perfom it with dignity. Perhaps because of my reverence for the final passing (what ever that might be) of a living person I always have feeling about a death. Sometimes I cry sometimes not but it is the closest thing for me to bing intouch with the wonder and mystery of the universe. Birth and death are closely related to this wonder and mystery that aws us all. I think that is way so many young women what to be OB nurses.

[purplemania]

It gets easier in the sense that you come to terms with it depending on you belief system and other factors. I hope death always affects you to some degree, as that may keep you a nurturing and caring nurse.