[heartlover07]

Death is individual, personal, and so powerful. As nurses we have the opportunity to be a part of that ending of life and it's definitely a learning process. I'm still learning. It's ok to be nervous ,ok to be sad, ok to be confused. We ARE human too.

This is so true, I think what makes it hard is that it makes you confront your own feelings about death-which I am not sure of myself.

The first one is always the hardest. You have mixed emotions about the whole thing, and it will be on your mind for a while. Happens to all of us. "Easier" isn't really the right word, we just learn how to cope with it. You will too.

Thanks for saying that, because I have been thinking about it quite a bit, and I was wondering if this is normal! I think what bothered me is that she was pretty young and she died from lymphoma-cancer is so scary to me..

[heartlover07]

Thanks for all of the replies by the way....I appreciate it!

[bill4745]

After 13 years of ICU and ER, I've seen hundreds. Yes, it becomes easier, but it never becomes easy. The hard part is seeing the families and their tears.
The hard part in ER is children and babies - lots of big, strong doctors and nurses with tears in their eyes.

[TeleRNer]

Dear heartlover07,

I just wanted to let you know these initial first steps in the health care field bear so much weight in our impressionable newbie minds. Thank goodness that our care not only treats the patient toward wellness but toward the end of life, a full spectrum of treatment. Doctors treat the disease and we treat the patient**; plain and simple; even the ones that pass...their families' woes, the dignity of death.

2 Snapshots of my life in this field:

I had a physician (unbeknownst to me at the time he was a physicain) as a client early in my career who refused to have the face mask on his person, even though it gave him relief. He eventually passed. And I and others came in for the post mortem care. He, in the transition toward death looked grim; he knew his prognosis, a lifetime of smoking had given him a dreary prognosis that he was fully aware of . Upon looking at his face which had been contorted and miserable replacing this was a beautiful balanced face "the great physician" he was, dignified at the final curtain. Poised to tell all, "I am in peace and wish to share to you who dress me for my final journey, I may have looked grim during the death process, yet now I am poised to move on to better things."


And then there was the most intriguing other true tale. The nurse who came up to be my nurse assistant assistant to help me in step down when I was overwhelmed and a generous shift leader put me in charge of a nurse...here I am an aide bygosh wild isn't it!? Anyway, I told her to please make rounds and finish all of the 1600 vitals. Well, she did as she was told as all good nurses do LOL and when she got to the final patient who had died it turned out to be her cousin who she had not seen in 20 years (the God's truth) and her daughter (who this nurse had never met!) She told me later that she was happy to have had the priveledge of saying goodbye and meeting her cousin's daughter.

Anyway, hope you recover from the misery of the reality of the things we face in hospital work soon! Yet, take it in stride and be grateful to be priveledged to witness few outside the healthcare field ever do see!

PS. ** I stole this idea from TriageRN34 and will remember and share its simplicity till I die! Hopefully a quick death and one without needless endless suffering vented, airmattress, trache peg etc etc etc loLOLOLllooooooh!

[burn out]

Each death is as unique and individual as is each birth. The way we react may vary depending on our frame of reference and what is going on in our life at the time. Death is something we, at first when we are young, see happening to other people . Then death is seen closer to home to a friend from long ago or an elder family member. Then death starts visiting our friends and parents and eventually will come to see us. It is as much a part of life as waking up and going to work each day. We don't have to like it, we can fight it every chance we get, but we must respect it.

[traumaRUs]

While it does get easier, it never becomes routine. In the ER, I did post-mortem care for many people, some who died way too young and in horrible, painful ways. However, it was because of my religious beliefs that I was able to do it. To each his own. You have to have your own coping mechanisms in order to survive.

[dragonflyRN]

Originally Posted by traumaRUs

While it does get easier, it never becomes routine. In the ER, I did post-mortem care for many people, some who died way too young and in horrible, painful ways. However, it was because of my religious beliefs that I was able to do it. To each his own. You have to have your own coping mechanisms in order to survive.

Wow....Trauma, well it just scares me. I do agree, but mine are not there. I have not lost a patient, yet. I would like to think it was skills, but prolly luck.

[TrudyRN]

Yes, it gets easier. It's always sad, it's sometimes mixed in with a sense of relief that the person's suffering here is over if it was a slow, painful death, such as from Ca, and prayer that they are going to Heaven. Praying for the deceased and the surviving family and friends helps you get through doing what has to be done.

I once had to care for a stillborn baby. She was so beautiful, perfectly formed, just born dead, for God alone knows what reason. Her little body had been placed in the dirty utility room and left all alone. This was, I though, a despicable thing to do. It's not like she had some sort of contagion.

Per policy, I asked the parents if they wanted to hold her and have a picture with their little girl. Mom declined, Dad accepted.

I ran around grabbing flowers from other patients (some were willing to lend, others resentful, which I understood but it still ticked me off) and made a nice scenario with clean sheets and flowers. I then handed Dad his little girl and took some pictures of them. I then got away stat and bawled my heart out because it was so very sad. I've thought often of this family and wonder if they kept the pictures and if they're glad they have them, if Mom regrets not having me take some of her with her dtr, etc.

I have learned that I don't have to know all the answers. That's what God is for.

Yes, it gets easier as you grow and live. Just do your best and God bless you.

[heartlover07]

I have to say I can't fathom how you all deal with losing children and babies....as you say you adapt to it in your own way, but I just can't imagine it. I have not chosen to go into pediatrics mostly for this reason, I know for sure it would kill me to have to go through that. I have the utmost respect for you nurses that deal with this on a regular basis. I know that death is part of the line of work that I have chosen, and I know that I can handle it as an eventuallity for some of my patients (I am starting on a cardiac stepdown unit) but with adults it does seem easier to accept it.
I have had several patients visit me in my dreams that have died, I did not see them after they had died, just heard that they had. I seems that maybe they were saying their last goodbye....

[chuck1234]

The first time is scary. However, after a few times, things will get easier. You will learn this is only a part of life. Do you know the hardest part is to deal with the family members...especially, when my patients died at young age. I remember I had one two months ago in the ICU. His mother came to the ICU just to sign the consent form. However, six hours later, my patient died after we had to call the code two times on him...he died eventually...it was hard on me too...seeing his loved ones crying...this is the hardest part...I will never forget this.