[stevierae]

Originally Posted by RealNurseWitch

Thanks so much for all of the good advice. I guess my life is rather stressful; maybe not as much as some folks, but... well, here's an idea of what my life is like OUTSIDE of my job. Maybe this is why I have such a hard time handling the stresses of nursing. If it sounds like I'm whining, I'm sorry.

--My husband does little to nothing to help out around the house. During the three day stretches of twelve hour shifts that I work, the house gets to a point where it really looks like it was never cleaned once. (I do a lot of cleaning when I'm off. I have a toddler and two four legged creatures living in the house).

--I have a toddler. Need I say more? *laughs* But seriously, she's precocious and independent spirited and REALLY likes having her way and likes to throw hellacious tantrums when not getting her way.

--I really have very few close friends to de-stress with. That sounds sad, I know, but most of the people that I ever SEE are people that I work with, and I have a strange, STRONG aversion to socializing with people at work. Maybe because work is stressful enough without bringing it home, in ANY way? I don't know. But, I have friends that I don't work with, but most of them I never see because they have busy lives, or they live far away.

--I'm overweight and on a diet, which has been mostly successful actually.

--My house is in a moderate state of unrepair, both inside and out. Again, husband has been really unwilling to be very proactive on this, though I admit I have also. Neither of us knows much either about home improvement, or landscaping.

--Finances. Again, we are always pretty tight as it is. Me quitting my job would only make it much worse, of course. We owe a LOT of people.

--Husband hurt his shoulder this summer and has been mostly off, but JUST really went back to full time.


So. *sigh* I guess considering what the rest of my life is like... yeah, maybe that's why I'm unwilling to accept the stress of my job. I mean, I think I really am unwilling to accept the responsibilities of nursing. Unless maybe something gives in the rest of my life... or maybe MORE than one somethings. =) Considering that my husband is stubborn, I don't know that I see that happening any time soon. Oh yeah, and I handle the finances. Hubby has shown in the past that he's unable to do this job.

There are nurses that I work with that have pretty cushy lives outside of nursing. Husbands that are at their beck and call and are self-motivated and make great money and do, DO for their wives. Lots of friends. Nice houses with manicured lawns. I mean, that's not to say that there certainly aren't GOOD things about my life. Really, my life is mostly HAPPY, just incredibly stressful I guess.

I really don't know... I'm sorry to get so personal but maybe you all have hit the nail on the head. Maybe I'm too stressed out ALL AROUND, and that's why I can't handle this job. I really don't know.

I do know one thing. I'm calling in for tonight, even if I have to make something up. I'll tell them my kid is sick. I don't have enough vacation time to take more than that.

Ditto the excellent suggestions of seeking help from employee assistance.

I would start keeping a paper trail--starting with a journal--of both your physical and emotional symptoms.

Go to occupational health, see the doc, share EVERYTHING with him as you have told us, and ask for a mental health referral. File a work-related stress claim---this should be covered under worker's comp/disability depending on your state law. That way you will be able to take off the time you need to recoup, recover and contemplate where to go from here, without exhausting your sick time and vacation.

On the job stress like you are describing is very real, and if you don't seek help soon, you will end up making a mistake that kills a patient, getting you fired and losing your license--and ending up with a serious case of PTSD, with no way to deal with it, as you will have lost your benefits, including health care.

Take care of yourself first--if you don't, you will be of little use to anyone, including your own family. Also see if you can get your husband into couples' counsleing with you so that he can hear, in a professional setting, from a neutral 3rd party, how overwhelmed you are and that you can't do it all alone--and how he can help.

If he won't go, go to counseling yourself--as they say, you can't change his behavior, but you can certianly change the way you deal with it.

Good luck--hope things look up for you soon.

[dawn1rhino]

Originally Posted by stevierae

Ditto the excellent suggestions of seeking help from employee assistance.

I would start keeping a paper trail--starting with a journal--of both your physical and emotional symptoms.

Go to occupational health, see the doc, share EVERYTHING with him as you have told us, and ask for a mental health referral. File a work-related stress claim---this should be covered under worker's comp/disability depending on your state law. That way you will be able to take off the time you need to recoup, recover and contemplate where to go from here, without exhausting your sick time and vacation.

On the job stress like you are describing is very real, and if you don't seek help soon, you will end up making a mistake that kills a patient, getting you fired and losing your license--and ending up with a serious case of PTSD, with no way to deal with it, as you will have lost your benefits, including health care.

Take care of yourself first--if you don't, you will be of little use to anyone, including your own family. Also see if you can get your husband into couples' counsleing with you so that he can hear, in a professional setting, from a neutral 3rd party, how overwhelmed you are and that you can't do it all alone--and how he can help.

If he won't go, go to counseling yourself--as they say, you can't change his behavior, but you can certianly change the way you deal with it.

Good luck--hope things look up for you soon.

GREAT advise to journal. Taking the time to put words to what you are feeling. Also a journal will give you the opportunity to get whatever transpired out of your mind into words without any fear of judgment or criticism. Letting it out is the first step to not letting "IT" consume you. No matter what transpired - I feel certain it was not intentional - forgive yourself for not being perfect.
In preparing to interview make a list of things (say 25) that are unique & special about you - positive good things. Don't let your mind focus only on the mistakes -
If you were not a caring, loving person you would never have sought nursing and you certainly would not be distraught over this event if you were not a person of high integrity.
Comfort Measure Rx: warm soapy bath, candles, music, pen and paper

[RealNurseWitch]

*Whew!* Again, thank you for all of the good suggestions/advice.

I've already been in counseling in the past year, over stress issues. My husband gave me hell over it. I ended up going on medication and it helped a lot, but also made me tired all the time, killed my libido, and made me gain weight. I have been trying to do without the drugs for a while, and have actually done, believe it or not, okay.

I will post again later with more, but right now I have to take my little one to her grandparents. I am going to really start looking for work outside of the hospital. I do realize that the rest of my life needs work also =), and I do believe that I'm going to sit DH down and have a nice calm, heart-to-heart with him.

I have also considered mental health/psyche nursing as an option... I've considered it a LOT... but I've had doubts whether I can even handle IT. I think I would be able to handle a small psyche unit in a large hospital, than working in a large state hospital, with the "worst of the worst". I used to actually work in the psyche unit of our hospital from time to time when I was a tech, and LOVED it. Unfortunately, it's since been closed.

Again, thanks a BUNCH, all. I'll post more later.

[DYatesRN]

Originally Posted by LPNtoRN

No need to apologize, I know exactly how you feel. I am a couple of weeks away from taking the CPNE and my common-law husband of 11 yrs. has decided he is in love with another woman and I need to sign over my half of the house to him before I get out. We never did have much of a normal loving relationship but it's still a slap in the face. I'm so stressed out I am having trouble sleeping and concentrating on anything. Not to mention I can expect no help from him financially because he is on disability.

So now I can worry about supporting myself and three children.

I'm two months late on my car payment.

I'm grossly overweight and am too depressed to worry about diet.

I have one friend and even that is not a close one.

At least you have your husband.

Feel free to pm me if you ever want to vent more.

LPN--

I hear you. I was in a similar situation back in the late 90's. Hang in there! You will pass the CPNE and once that is over you can focus on weight loss and getting a new life together. Best wishes!

[CrunchRN]

My heart aches for you - I hope you follow the excellent advice you have gotten. You need and deserve a break from hospital nursing. When things do settle down you need to let your spouse be more accountable - do not let it be optional for him. I wish you all the best. Perhaps going back on the meds short term will help you through this intense time in your life.

[amnesia]

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this stressful time. Hope things settle down for you soon. Sounds like everyone has given some great advice already!

[General E. Speaking, RN]

Difficult situation for sure. Sorry you are in pain. I have used the EAP thru my hospital and it helped tremendously. If it's available, please check into that avenue. My issues started 12 years ago, I had terrible post-partum anxiety and have had a few sporatic episodes where it reared it's ugly head once again. It is a paralizing fear to feel out of control. Sounds like you are trying to do "everything" and it is catching up with you. I hope your spouse will realize that his lack of help/support is detrimental to your well-being. Keep in contact with your friend perhaps if you share your situation with her, your friendship will grow and she will become someone you can confide in. You are in my prayers. Please keep us posted.

I agree that journaling is very theraputic!

[Mediatix8]

Hey... I sent you a private message but I don't know if you saw it. I'm a new nurse too and think it would be good for us to exchange experiences. I'll tell you about all the dumb things I've done and I'm sure it will make you feel better. Well if you're interested, PM me for my email address.

[barefootlady]

Originally Posted by RealNurseWitch

*Whew!* Again, thank you for all of the good suggestions/advice.

I've already been in counseling in the past year, over stress issues. My husband gave me hell over it. I ended up going on medication and it helped a lot, but also made me tired all the time, killed my libido, and made me gain weight. I have been trying to do without the drugs for a while, and have actually done, believe it or not, okay.

I will post again later with more, but right now I have to take my little one to her grandparents. I am going to really start looking for work outside of the hospital. I do realize that the rest of my life needs work also =), and I do believe that I'm going to sit DH down and have a nice calm, heart-to-heart with him.

I have also considered mental health/psyche nursing as an option... I've considered it a LOT... but I've had doubts whether I can even handle IT. I think I would be able to handle a small psyche unit in a large hospital, than working in a large state hospital, with the "worst of the worst". I used to actually work in the psyche unit of our hospital from time to time when I was a tech, and LOVED it. Unfortunately, it's since been closed.

Again, thanks a BUNCH, all. I'll post more later.

I am so glad you have taken the time to step back from the situation, take a deep breath, and make a few plans. Please keep us posted and know we on the board wish you the very best in your career and life.

[barefootlady]

Originally Posted by LPNtoRN

No need to apologize, I know exactly how you feel. I am a couple of weeks away from taking the CPNE and my common-law husband of 11 yrs. has decided he is in love with another woman and I need to sign over my half of the house to him before I get out. We never did have much of a normal loving relationship but it's still a slap in the face. I'm so stressed out I am having trouble sleeping and concentrating on anything. Not to mention I can expect no help from him financially because he is on disability.

So now I can worry about supporting myself and three children.

I'm two months late on my car payment.

I'm grossly overweight and am too depressed to worry about diet.

I have one friend and even that is not a close one.

At least you have your husband.

Feel free to pm me if you ever want to vent more.

WOW! It sure sounds like you have been dealt a triple whammy. I am very sorry you are dealing with so many problems. Please, please, please, do not sign anything, move out, or give anything away before you seek some legal counsel. If your name is on the property too and you have paid on this property, you have a right to compensation. That much I do know.
Please take care of yourself and your children, counselling is an excellent way to start, also the journel, and get in touch with your local battered womens group. Now, I know you did not mention physical trauma, and I am not implying such, but they are a wealth of information for resources available to you and your children. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I am sure a window will open for you and a ray of sunlight will stream in to give you some comfort. Please let us know how things progress for you and your family.