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by starbin

I am an RN working in LTC. The son of a 97 years old lady forcibly kept five dollars in my pocket. I refused to take it and tried to return it to him but he did not take it back.
How do you handle such situations when family members force you to accept gratuity? I told that gentleman to buy some cookies for the staff (with that money) instead of offering it to me but he did not agree.
Later on, I gave that money to the aid (who was assigned to that lady) and she told me that she played Lotto with that money and won $26.

[anonymurse]

Re: a family member gave me five dollars

Thanks for the thought-provoking post. I think if that happens to me, I'm going to get my manager, explain what happened, seal the money in a patient property envelope in front of her, have someone run it down to security, then put the signed claim stub in the front of the pt's chart for them to receive at d/c.

[snowfreeze]

Re: a family member gave me five dollars

That has happened to me a few times. I have put the money into the unit fund at one facility (buy flowers for sad times and cake for birthdays etc) that way all the staff could share. The second time I added to the pizza fund on that unit. Sometimes family won't take the money back and at times they would be insulted if you gave it back. The third time I gave the money to the volunteer department who buys items needed for residents who cannot afford them and they also buy christmas presents each year.

[Cameron67]

Re: a family member gave me five dollars

When I have had residents do try to give me stuff, I accept it from that resident then I go to the DON and tell her what happened, I have had a A&Ox3 resident give me a Christmas present and since she is in her right mind I was told I may keep it. Any change or money I have put it in the resident fund. This way the resident isn't offended by me turning down a gift and I'm not actually taking it.

[MrChicagoRN]

Re: a family member gave me five dollars

People give for two reasons

1. To be a big shot & "tip" the caregiver. This I'll reject.

2. Trying to find a way to connect or say thank you for what you've done. Some people are uncomfortable being the passive recepient of services & aren't comfortable being taken care of. This token is the same as if they sent flowers or baked cookies for the staff, etc.

As long as it doesn't exceed your institution's policy on gifts, do the "no-no, you really don't have to do this..." then take it & share it with the staff, buy something for the patient later, whatever.

It can be insulting to some if you reject their "gift" & are then rejecting them (in their eyes).

[VegRN]

Re: a family member gave me five dollars

Our facility is getting pretty strict about not accepting gifts. Our last meeting about this, we were even told that if a pt or family buys us food like bagels or something that we are to thank them but to suggest that next time they contribute to one of the hospital charitable funds. A little overboard I think.

Some family/pts will not take no for an answer when handing out money. I would try to refuse and then if they persist I would explain that I am going to donate it to a pt family fund in the hospital or something. Sometimes to refuse really is insulting and I would think in LTC this would be more of an issue vs a hospital setting.

I guess you just have to look at the facility policy and follow that closely.

[MNlpn]

Re: a family member gave me five dollars

Years ago when I use to work LTC, there was an elderly woman there who I had known since I was a child. I would always fill her bird feeder that was outside of her window. She had insisted on giving me something for my troubles. (which was no trouble for me at all) I declined nicely. I was still living at home at the time and my mom came home from work. (My mother works at the town drug store, everyone knows everyone there.) Well, the residents daughter came in to the store and gave my mother a $15 check written out to me! The daughter insisted that that her mother wanted me to have it because " I had always treated her so well and did so much for her" and that not taking it would upset her . So I took the check, explained it to the DON, who agreed that I could accept it. I've never forgotten that residents kindness towards me.

[KellNY]

Re: a family member gave me five dollars

Originally Posted by VegRN

Our facility is getting pretty strict about not accepting gifts. Our last meeting about this, we were even told that if a pt or family buys us food like bagels or something that we are to thank them but to suggest that next time they contribute to one of the hospital charitable funds. A little overboard I think.

Did they suggest you do that before or after you take your foot out of your mouth? What a crappy thing to do "Gee-these bagles sure are swell, but maybe next time donate money to the hospital--that'd be super!" WTH?

I would be not only offended by the rudeness, but very put off by the shameless solicitation.

I've had residents give me "gifts" (one lady gave me 5 king sized snickers each time I came in the room, lol). The most I got was $50 from a resident on the Alzheimers unit. That went prompty to his very involved daughter who put it back into his secret hiding place--cutest thing ever.

But I've gotten $5 or $1, which after a "no, I couldn't!" I graciously accepted and followed up on with the resident with a "Thank you so much for the gift Ms.Jones, I got myself a nice hot cup of coffee and a bagel this morning-really hit the spot!" or something.

Insisting they take it back (as long as it's a sm. amt. and they're A&O of course!) or sticking it with their d/c papers could be a huge insult to them. They (IME) are so proud to be able to show their gratitude and be the ones to do something nice for us.

[Tweety]

Re: a family member gave me five dollars

I'm sure he meant well, but you're not a waitress working for tips. But since he forced, it sounds like there was nothing more to do.

[gonzo1]

Re: a family member gave me five dollars

I always tell the pt or family that we can't accept gifts. That said, if they are really insisting I take it and go and find the manager or charge nurse and tell them and do whatever they tell me to do. That way my arse is covered.
Once had a mean, nasty drunk come back in a week later with minature roses that he grows in a pill container for me. That I kept and showed off to everybody.