[LadyBugLass]

Well, after almost 10 years of varying degrees of hell for me and the people who love me, I may well have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Years of depression may have been not properly treated. Years of general practictioners handing me the whatever $400 pill sample the pharm reps give that week with a handful of obnoxious pens and cutesy badge holders. Years of being told, "Take this, it'll get better (or go away), get counseling, see you in 3 months." Years of not being referred to a specialist. Years of asking for very specific guidance only to be met with a blank look and pat on the shoulder and the reminder that "As a nurse, you know how this works. Check the yellow pages, call your insurance company."

After I tried to kill myself last summer, was that not a CLUE that something was out of control, namely me?

If you had a patient with new-onset IDDM, would you give them a script for insulin and needles, then say "Here you go!! Read the pamplets, don't eat sugar, and I'll see you in 3 months!! Take care, buh-BYE!!"

Am I mad? Damn skippy.

OK, my question is this...how many nurses have a diagnosis of mental illness? Not just "the blues" or a normal grief reaction or pulling a mean drunk one weekend ; I mean something that will affect you from now until you die, and requires vigilance and management to remain functional not just as a nurse, but a person?

I have always wondered...are we attracted to a certain field because of who we already are, or does the vocation make the monster? There really does seem to be some troubled people in nursing. Is mental illness more likely in healthcare workers? (Wonder why, a real head-scratcher there )

'Fess up folks...experiences, please.

[TheCommuter]

I'm an LVN psych nurse at a local inpatient psychiatric hospital. Many of the patients are nurses, schoolteachers, business owners, and other high-stress professionals. I even had the pleasure of taking care of a physician recently.

[Guitar_Heroine]

I'm a year away from my BSN but I've been dx'd with bipolar for 6 years. It is hell, and sometimes I really resent the fact that I have to take so many pills to lead some semblance of a normal life. When I first started clinicals I thought telling my teacher would be the responsible thing to do. I have many safety nets in place and emergency plans if I go into an episode, but I figured it wouldn't hurt for her to be aware of the situation and another pair of eyes monitoring me just in case. Well halfway through the semester I had a bout of hallucinations and called in sick, it went in my record and ever since I've been treated oddly by the head faculty and my instructor. To top it off if I get a little flustered I'm asked if i'm "ok" and when I came back from my "mental health days" she actually thanked me for coming in, making me feel any worse. So I guess what this brings up is whether or not to disclose our conditions. I feel strongly that being open and responsibly handling our illness is the only way to fight the stigma, but while it's still there it's a dangerous professional move.

[Angie O'Plasty, RN]

I know a few nurses who are taking antidepressants, but I'm not crass enough or nosy enough to bug them about the details.

Having known a couple of people who committed suicide, I commend you for surviving both the effects of your illness and the improper treatment of it. I wish you the best, and hope that you can look forward to better tomorrows.

[HisDaughterJeanne]

Dear LadyBug...

I guess if you are brave enough to post this, then I will be brave enough to answer. First, I am sorry that you went through such a rough patch, but I am glad that you've come out the other side. Second, you are not alone.

I have suffered from depression since I was a teenager. Runs in the family like freckles and a fat butt. my grandmother and cousin committed suicide and my father, aunt, and uncle have battled the "black dog" their entire lives. I feel a little sorry for myself sometimes with all of the (expensive) meds and the "why do i have to take pills to be happy?" crap, but for the most part, i feel thankful that there are so many meds available.

i've often wondered about the pull to health careers. I figure it's because we've been so far down that we're the best at helping others. who could be more empathetic than someone who has been through what we have? truth is, if we had as much capacity to care about ourselves as much as we care for others...we'd be in much better shape! i try to think of it as what makes me - ME. Just maybe, one of my darker days will benefit someone else because I can understand what they're feeling. that's how i can turn those lemons into lemonade!

[LadyBugLass]

I plan to disclose; while I do not talk about my problem with depression ad nauseum, I am honest about it now. It really has changed how other people see mental illness, how common it is, and someone with a mental illness is NOT necessarily foaming at the mouth looney. I did try to hide it for a long, long time because I wanted to still be trusted. It was exhausting and un productive. Yes, some folks can be asses, but you would also be suprised at the amount of compassion. I wanted people that are important to me to understand what makes me tick; if I am having a bad day, they need to know it isn't their fault. Wouldn't you want people around you on a regular basis to know you had epilepsy or diabetes? And do I REALLY want to work in a place where I would be treated as an outcast if someone found out behind my back?

[catlady]

Chronic depression, including major depression, currently untreated.

[MS._Jen_RN]

Ladybuglass, I comend your bravado! I agree with your decision to disclose. I have major depressive disorder with anxiety. I work with a few people with other mental issues. We know about eachother and are able to provide support in a stressful environment to eachother. It works out well. I find the best teams know eachothers strengths and weakness. That way if you know someone might need a little help that day you can pitch in and if you need it later they'll be there for you. Good Luck.
~Jen

[ExTechie]

I don't agree with disclosing. I have been looking for work and the first thing a prospective employer asks for is a physical. The physical shows my diagnosis of MS and I don't receive a call. I think they would do the same with bipolar. Employers are biased and discriminate all the time!!!

[mercyteapot]

I've been dxed with depression, which is well controlled by a moderate daily dose of Wellbutrin. I've had it as far back as I can remember... even as a child, I think I may have been dysthymic. Also, although not dxed, I am sure I also have ADD (no hyperactivity; to the contrary, actually) and most likely would meet the criteria for OCD, too.