[evil03midget]

Hello everyone. I just wanted to know if anyone else has this problem. I work 3 12 hour shifts a week and pick up a couple extra shifts a month. My fiance works at a job where he has to work 6 8 hour shifts a week. He is understanding that I work hard, but yet many times after he comes home from work on a day I had off, he says things like "well you had all day to decide what is for dinner, I had to work today". or he says things like "Some of us have to work 48 hours or more this week..." He sometimes acts like I should pick up more overtime than I do, which I guess I could but sometimes I enjoy having a job that doesn't require to work 6 days a week and I think I earned it after surviving nursing school. I guess I could pick up more overtime but I still wish I wasn't treated like I only work part time or don't do my share of bringing home the money. (BTW we make pretty close to the same amount of money maybe he makes a bit more since he works more hours but the pay is pretty close). Thanks for listening to me vent everyone. I just needed to share my opinions.

[scrappingfaye]

I know the feeling.... I am an agency LPN, so just because I don't work full time, doesn't mean that I am not worn out when I come home from work (or even when I am home.....) there are still schdules to figure out (spend a large part of my day on the phone trying to fill next week's schedule) or decide how to get dishes/laundry/whatever done for the days that I do work (and some weeks I work 5 or 6 shifts in 4 days time...... )
arghhhhhh...... The age old "what did you do all day dear" saga LOL...

[Mexarican]

i would be upset to if there is a person home and nothing has been done about dinner. I go to school fulltime right now and work as a tech on the weekends so i have TWO jobs right now...but i'm home before my girlfriend gets home on Monday, Thursday, and Friday. If i don't have dinner ready then i at least have a plan as to where we are going to get take out from or go eat, that's just common courtesy. Now the whole argument about 36 hours not being fulltime...well thats between you too...if he wanted to work more to make slightly bit more than you then thats his choice...you went to school so you could only work 36 hours a week if you wish...tell him not to hate because you work less to make the same...

just my two cents..

Mex

[oooooooooo]

Originally Posted by evil03midget

Hello everyone. I just wanted to know if anyone else has this problem. I work 3 12 hour shifts a week and pick up a couple extra shifts a month. My fiance works at a job where he has to work 6 8 hour shifts a week. He is understanding that I work hard, but yet many times after he comes home from work on a day I had off, he says things like "well you had all day to decide what is for dinner, I had to work today". or he says things like "Some of us have to work 48 hours or more this week..." He sometimes acts like I should pick up more overtime than I do, which I guess I could but sometimes I enjoy having a job that doesn't require to work 6 days a week and I think I earned it after surviving nursing school. I guess I could pick up more overtime but I still wish I wasn't treated like I only work part time or don't do my share of bringing home the money. (BTW we make pretty close to the same amount of money maybe he makes a bit more since he works more hours but the pay is pretty close). Thanks for listening to me vent everyone. I just needed to share my opinions.

Just out of curiosity....what does he do? Not all jobs are created equal. Nursing is demanding and you must give of yourself. I am absolutely exhausted after clinicals and I can very easily see me working 3 12's followed by an entire day of sleep and relaxation. That's a big change from the environmental work I used to do 45-50 hours a week which had absolutely no emotional drain at all.

[CHATSDALE]

if you work 3 12's tell him to fix dinner on those days and you'll fix dinner three days on his schedule and go out to eat the seventh day

i don't know how much time and emotion you have invested in this relationship but these things don't tend to get better with time

[whipping girl in 07]

My husband stays home with the kids...a more than full time job with two busy toddlers. But he usually makes dinner if he's there, especially if I tell him what we have (he opens the cupboard and fridge and can't find anything). When I'm off I usually cook. I think it's reasonable that you make a meal for the two of you if you're home all day. That doesn't mean you have to do all the housework, but a meal is reasonable, IMHO.

Don't sweat the small stuff!!

[Wildwood Flower]

Maybe you should print a copy of your job description{as if that covers everything we do huh?} and sit down with him.Each job has its own stressors and rewards and if you have a relationship with your partner that allows understanding and venting of both it has the potenial to bring you even closer.
Good Luck

[MeghanRN]

I burned myself out over the last 2 weeks working so much. From a Sun-Sun I worked

Sunday 7a-7p (was on call and got called in for the whole shift)
Monday 7-7
Tues- 7-1 (my PRN job)
Off Wed
Thurs 7-7
off Fri
Sat 7-7
Sun-7-7

I almost died. Thankfully, my husband is supportive and doesnt think I need to work that much. ( Normally, I dont - it was just the on call day and the 1/2 shift PRN)

Now this week, I worked my 3 days, called off from my PRN job on Friday, and have just had Fri, Sat, and Sun off. 3 in a row Its a beautiful thing..

I didnt plan anything. There was no " I'm going to clean the bathroom today", or "im going to the store @ 1". I've done what I want and what I feel like doing. So far the bathroom hasnt gotten cleaned, and I dont care!!

As for dinner, I try to cook on my days off, but sometimes I'm just exhausted and need to relax. sometimes dinner is chicken nuggets and fries, or pasta. Nothing fancy.

I know my husband doesnt understand the extent of what we do as nurses, and he never will. Theres no forcing it on him, just trying to explain why im so tired. (Although, he learned why after this past week).


I dont know if my response helped you, but oh well I feel good about it!!

Now im off to walk the dog, and relax for my last day off before 2 in a row..

[Dixielee]

As someone else mentioned, and you didn't ask, but this situation has more to do with your relationship than with shifts. Life is too short to battle over petty things like who works harder or more hours, who is more stressed, or who makes dinner. Many days I am more tired on my "off day" because of errands, paperwork, phone calls and other obligations. Clothes don't wash themselves, floors don't clean themselves, dogs don't take care of themselves.

When my husband was healthy, he worked on our farm, very tiring work. We each learned very early to make peanut butter sandwiches if we were hungry. It is not my responsibility to take care of another ambulatory adult. I do generally make the meals when I am home, but am not above throwing a frozen pizza in the oven. Even when I had kids at home, I was not a short order cook. I had a meal ready every evening, but if they were hungry in the mean time, they knew how to make a bowl of soup or throw together a sandwich. Tell him to get real.

Look a little further into this problem, because it is NOT going to get any better and it will come up constantly in your relationship.

[carolinapooh]

At my house, we have a division of labor.

On days when I had clinicals, my husband cooked.
On days when I got out of class "early", I or we would cook.

When I start working next week, the deal is that if he wants to eat when I get in, he might be waiting until eight pm. Since I'm not going to eat a full meal that late in the day, he's probably better off fending for himself - or he can wait and have a bowl of soup or a salad with me, because that's all I'm going to have that late at night.

If there were days when the other just couldn't hack it for whatever reason, we're adults - either I'd pick up something on the way home, we'd go out, or we'd fend for ourselves.

We played the "my job is more stressful than yours, so there" game early in our marriage and wasted a lot of time and energy playing it. It can turn in to a pi**ing contest - and probably will. Coming to some sort of an agreement is going to be more effective than saying, "well, I deal with X all day" because the other person is usually convinced that their perspective is the ONLY right way to look at it. And chances are, you're both right - each person experiences stress differently, and each person is going to have his or her own viewpoint on the other's job. So if both of you are feeling like crap, then of course you're going to think that one job is more important than the other. But since everyone's money is putting food on the table, at the end of the day - no one is truly more essential or more important than the other.

Making a more neutral attempt usually works better.