[rckymtnrn30]

Hi everyone I am a new nurse manager and I have found that I am constantly getting stabbed in the back and talked about by my subordinates. I have half that are happy and half it seems like are miserable and in my opinion should move on. I guess I was just wondering if other people in nurse management positions feel as lonely as I. I thought I had someone I could confide in and share frustrations with but she also ended up stabbing my in the back. My superiors think I am doing a great job but I still am losing sleep at night. Any suggestions?

[petra]

First of all, yes I believe that there are always people that are not happy with anyone in authority over them. Secondly, I wouldn't confide in anyone but a superior or someone away from work. If your boss is saying that you are doing a good job and you feel that you are doing the best you can then good for you. You also need an outlet and you need to try to leave work at work. I know it is easier said than done. I tell myself the same speech all the time.

[VivaLasViejas]

As the saying goes, "It's lonely at the top". Subordinates think all we do all day is sit behind a desk dreaming up busy-work projects and making it harder for them to do their "real" work. Our bosses think we should be on-call and willing to work 24/7/365, and get bent out of gear when our families need our attention ("Whaddaya MEAN, you're spending this Sunday with your grandkids? If we wanted you to have a family, we'd have assigned you one").

The answer, as someone already said, is to try to separate work and home, and to achieve balance between the two so that both remain vital and healthy. To be truthful, I haven't yet learned how to do this, but I'm trying.........oh, how I'm trying.

As for getting backstabbed by subordinates.......this is the single best reason not to confide in people at work. Your team needs guidance, assistance, and leadership from you......you are not there to be their friend. If you need to ask for advice, or just to vent, do it someplace where it can't come back to bite you in the butt later, because it will. Guaranteed.

Good luck, and welcome to the wild, wild world of nursing management!

[RN1989]

Remember, you are not a manager to win a popularity contest. You are there to perform a job to the best of your abilities.

If you worked at this facility prior to taking the management job then you have extra stress. And your former peers will make it more difficult for you because they are jealous of you, even if they won't admit it.

You can't please everyone. I find it best not to have friends at work, particularly when you are a manager. Even if you confide in other managers, you will find that they will backstab you faster than the staff will if they think it will make them look better to admin or get them a promotion. Look to joining various nursing organizations and meeting nurses that you can be friends with from other facilities. Then you can help each other with ideas for staff motivation, etc. as well as commiserate on the bad days.

[classicdame]

Do you have an anti-gossip policy at your facility? Maybe a clinical nurse could do a poster on how gossip affects the workplace. Include gossip, bullying and other forms of lateral violence. Meanwhile, I wish you luck. These things are part of human nature whether we like it or not.

[rehabme]

It does settle down. I went through similar things. Once you get your feet on the ground you will find that they will start to follow your vision. Rember your not there to be loved your there to lead. "You build it and People will come". (field of dreams)

[Mozzie]

Everything stated above is sooooo true!!! I made an unfortunate mistake of trusting my day charge nurse because I absolutely, positively had nobody to go to in order to vent. My DON was "too busy" to counsel me and I went to the nearest person that knew about the issues of the unit and what "we" were going through.

Lets just say, it was the biggest mistake in my management career thus far (just about one year into it) and I am ready to get out!!!

I am told that the first year of management is the "learning curve" that the new manager is to observe, and be counseled by their "upline". Let me just say that none of the counseling nor mentoring really happened and my DON gives me conflicting advice. I have spent this past year learning and stumbling on my own. Makes life as a new manager confusing. My year is almost up. I have learned a lot from my mistakes - however, I just don't see myself being able to lead this floor with a DON that gives conflicting advice and staff that are never satisfied. - Even though I am staffing them at a ratio of 1:5 max. I know this doesn't include acuity - however, after getting my data together (this takes time) - I was going to build that into the new budget. I have a business degree and I really wanted to help them out even more so - but at this point.....I am ready to just bail and leave it at the 1:5 ratio.

The charge nurse that I trusted turned on me and my upline and has just turned staff against me and my decisions. Lets just say that unit meetings can get painful on the day shift.

Okay, I could go on and there is a lot of fall out from this. Right now - I'm just struggling with the thought of staying in nursing at all versus just crossing industries in the business sector and be done with it versus just giving the one month notice and move on to some place that management mentoring takes place. If there is any place that supports this.....

I wish I could elaborate more - but I think it is best to just end here. ~sigh~

[SoxfanRN]

Originally Posted by Mozzie

Everything stated above is sooooo true!!! I made an unfortunate mistake of trusting my day charge nurse because I absolutely, positively had nobody to go to in order to vent. My DON was "too busy" to counsel me and I went to the nearest person that knew about the issues of the unit and what "we" were going through.

Lets just say, it was the biggest mistake in my management career thus far (just about one year into it) and I am ready to get out!!!

I am told that the first year of management is the "learning curve" that the new manager is to observe, and be counseled by their "upline". Let me just say that none of the counseling nor mentoring really happened and my DON gives me conflicting advice. I have spent this past year learning and stumbling on my own. Makes life as a new manager confusing. My year is almost up. I have learned a lot from my mistakes - however, I just don't see myself being able to lead this floor with a DON that gives conflicting advice and staff that are never satisfied. - Even though I am staffing them at a ratio of 1:5 max. I know this doesn't include acuity - however, after getting my data together (this takes time) - I was going to build that into the new budget. I have a business degree and I really wanted to help them out even more so - but at this point.....I am ready to just bail and leave it at the 1:5 ratio.

The charge nurse that I trusted turned on me and my upline and has just turned staff against me and my decisions. Lets just say that unit meetings can get painful on the day shift.

Okay, I could go on and there is a lot of fall out from this. Right now - I'm just struggling with the thought of staying in nursing at all versus just crossing industries in the business sector and be done with it versus just giving the one month notice and move on to some place that management mentoring takes place. If there is any place that supports this.....

I wish I could elaborate more - but I think it is best to just end here. ~sigh~

Do you have definitive proof that the charge nurse stabbed you in the back? If so, I would confront her since she, too, is in some position of power. Trust within a healthcare team has to flow in all directions.

Have some goals you want to achieve and stay with them. You are either working on your goals or someone else's. As far as advice from your DON, take what you need and leave the rest. If the DON feels you are doing a good job, then accept that and know you will have administration support if you need it.

Staff meetings should not be painful. If staff are being disrespectful, set limits. If staff are refusing to do what you want, charge them with insubordination. Staff ideas are great and should always be entertained, but in the end, you are in charge. You have to make decisions that are best for the patients ultimately. I used to half-joke with my staff telling them, "You understand that this is a dictatorship run by me, right?"

I always treated my staff like I treated my patients. More or less, the staff respected me because I tried to be absolutely fair. But, just like the patients, they had to do things they did not want to and got angry at me about it. I did not care if people get angry as long as they maintained their professionalism at work and respected my decision. If your decisions are patient-oriented, or for the greater good of everyone, the staff cannot argue with you. When presenting decisions or ideas to the staff, I always found it useful to explain the rationale behind them.

Some staff will not like you or respect you, ever. These are the folks that just don't like administration of any kind and will never like management. You will always have a couple. Oh well. Let them be miserable by themselves. If you stick to your guns and try to be fair, the rest of the staff will eventually start telling the nay-sayers to stop. Sometimes there is a hazing period, as well.

[neecee]

I have spent the last 3 years as a nurse manager in for a unit of nurses who telecommunte. One of the main things the nurses do is teaching in the community. Their positions are very rewarding and very low stress compared to hospital nursing. The average age is between 45-55. You would think they would be very happy and contented but they are not. I am not their direct manager but rather manage functions they perform. They have a direct staff manager who has also been at the unit approximately 3 years. The staff who are unhappy have been with the until since inception around 6 years ago. Before the new staff manager and I arrived, they had free reign of how they did their work and how much work they did. Things have changed in the past 3 years to that they are now accountable for their performance. Needless to say, those older staff who have been at the unit since the beginning have made managing them a living hell. I am completly burned from this group of women/nurses and even though I am in a master program for nursing administration, from this experience I know I do not want to directly supervise. So I guess my advice is make sure managing staff is what you really want to do, because as many have already stated, they wont love you, no matter what you do and you must be ok with that even thought you put everything you have into it. Not for me!