[5FrSilastic]

HI managers, I really need some advice/input. Here is how it is. I graduated nsg school 3 years ago, went right into a NICU, loved it, dove right into being responsible for my own learning of about this area, did excellent on my orientation, did well on my own for about 2 months.2 months plus the 3 on orientation. This was a top notch facility, and I knew it. Well, my personal life/ emotional issues (nothing to do with NICU nsg) forced me, or I should rather just say, I called in sick for about 4 days, then just never called back or went back. I was running from my problems in my personal life, and I was embarrassed to contact my managers. I actually left the state, to live with my friend. COMPLETELY UNPROFESSIONAL. I realize. I regretted it the minute I came to my senses. A few months go by, and I get a position in another NICU , in the new state I am in. I am there for 3 months. This situation , now, was less than ideal. I was commuting back and forth, staying at my friends on my days on, and driving back home to my family 3.5 hours away on days off. All the while, the plan is to permanantly move there. Well, this place was an absolute terrible place to work, they had every issue under the sun, and with my current situation of going back and forth, being tired, comparing it to the place I used to work at , etc.... well I left there too. So, I went home, took a position w/ a home care agency, taking only pediatric/preemie cases. I have been there for a year and a half. This is my problem: NICU nursing is the ONLY thing I went to nsg school for, It's all I want to do, ever. I cant even to stand to go near that first hospital, I start to cry, literally. I cant believe what I did, and I dont know how to fix it. I know I can never work at that hospital again.... BUT, I reallize I had issues to overcome, and I DID. These issues had nothing to do with any substance abuse, no performance issues, nothing like that. But I am fully aware that being a job hopper , or whatever I am, appears UNRELIABLE and UNPROFESSIONAL. I need some advice on how to overcome this . I need to get back into NICU and re-start my career. How do I do this? If you were a manager, interviewing me, how could I say/demonstrate my ability to now focus on my career in your unit, to convince you I am not a risk, but someone who made some mistakes but is ready to go back? What would make you want to even take a chance on me? This is such a big part of my life. I cant stand not being in an area of nursing that I love, and UNDERSTAND very well. I am simply a mediocre nurse in any other area. I was an EXCEPTIONAL NICU nurse, given my short time there, so I had been told. I take ceu's in that area almost daily, I am always reading and re reading the textbooks, clinical guides, etc. In my mind, its like I never left. My heart is there. I live in a small state, that first nicu is the only one here. Me and my family are hoping to relocate. How can I relay this to a future employer/manager ? Do I tell all, like I did here, and come off as a real nut job who has many issues? ( I DID, I dont now!!!) Or should I just feel lucky I have a nursing job at all, and forget NICU alltogether? Please, give me some advice. As you can read, I am desperate, and I dont know what to do about this. Thank you so much in advance for whatever advice you offer.....