[scaredofshots]

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his face and my instructors was priceless!! I was curious what other things people have said or say to patients to break the ice.

[Angie O'Plasty, RN]

Some of my patients are grumpy. I'll say, "How are you today?" and they'll answer gruffly, "I'm here, ain't I?"

Whereupon I'll cheerily say, "Now there ya go. 99% of successful living is showing up for it."

[babynurselsa]

I will say "That was much cooler than that rubber arm they let me practice on this morning," as I pop in an IV.

[thumperRN]

When I discharge people and walk them to the door to exit the hospital I like to tell them "Don't come back - we don't want repeat customers"
That usually always gets a smile and a chuckle.

[santhony44]

To people who complain about not getting enough rest: "Didn't you know you have to go home from the hospital to sleep?"

[BSNtobe2009]

My grandma's favorite saying (when someone is uncomfortable..usually a college-aged male undressing in front of her).

"I have raised 5 sons and if you have something I haven't seen before I'll pay you to let me see it"

[navynurse29]

I once told an ER patient who had asked me if the thermometer probe cover was clean, " No, I am sorry ma'am, we use one for every 10 customers and you are #8"! Well, duh!

[muffie]

when an eagerly anticipated long overdue rather impressive bm is produced i tell my pts that the newspaper will be in to take their picture

[RNAnnjeh]

I used to tell my post-surgical patients that the hospital is the only place where we get excited when someone passes gas.

....and for the enormous post-op BM...I told the patient to name it.

[ktwlpn]

Originally Posted by scaredofshots

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his face and my instructors was priceless!! I was curious what other things people have said or say to patients to break the ice.

Good for you-don't ever stop....I often tell the pt prior to the injection that "This will hurt you alot more then it will hurt me" or " Wow-this needle is still pretty sharp after being used 8 times" Or-I" I saved a square needle just for you" In LTC when applying preventative skin care I like to tell the resident that I am "caulkling their crack" When I administer eye drops and miss I'll often call it a
premature ejaculation...I have to be careful and make sure I really know the resident-I don't want to offend...But I have old men that love to complain about the cold water when they sit on the toilet...And one guy always says "It's cold-and deep,too" He splits a gut laughing everytime he says it...