[talkall]

if you answer the phone at home by saying " hello ward *** student nurse speaking how can i help you" (and I have done it I've also answered the phone on a new placement and said the wrong ward and had to apolagise to the person when they ring back) by the by it'll be Staff nurse in two months and it getting scaraly close

[NewfieRoseRN]

A "joke" that is all too real:

Nancy Nurse: "A dead body was found on the beach today, they think it was a nurse."

Norman Nurse: "How did they know it was a nurse?"

Nancy Nurse: "Her stomach was empty, her bladder was full and her a$$ was chewed off!"

Ha Ha Ha

Keep the laughter coming! Sometimes, it's all we've got!

[chrisrob]

worse still answer the phone at home "good afternoon icu staff nurse bla bla " they say sorrry wrong number and put the phone down before u realise what u said done it loads of time and my kids say mum....your at home now you think oh yeh i have a home and its not icu

[aprophet]

Your sense of humour is great.
I relate to everything almost on your page of jokes.
Adrian

[aprophet]

Just one more message from down under. Nursing and nursing humour is universal - except you will notice the spelling.
Thanks for enabling me to join in with your postings.
Can't think of any Aussie jokes. Will post them when I do.

[JailRN]

These are great. May I add

You know you're a nurse when your 3year old who has a vocabulary of 20 words and is in a special ed pre-school, tells his teacher, "Look", pointing at his knee,
"Oh, you have a boo-boo"
"No, Mith Cathy, I have an abrasion"
She almost dropped her teeth.

[chrisrob]

had a staff nurse we all hated orderlies included they called her down to the mortuary one night said a patient wasn't tagged right unbeknown to her an ordely had sat with his hand in the fridge for half an hour when she went to swotch on the light he grabbed her hand with his freezing cold one she needed a stiff drink and was sent home it was great she nearly passed out

[Scavenger'sWife]

You know you are a nurse when you can "think outside the box"....

Had to disimpact a patient once in an assisted living place I worked...couldn't find the KY, so I used a good gob of Crisco.

[NewfieRoseRN]

Originally posted by kathkrn
These are some of hte favs from the ER that I work at:

-Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal
-You like to spend the holidays with your friends at work.
-You believe that a good tape job will fix anything.
-Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change.
-You believe in a serial spraying of Prozac.
-You encourage an obxious patient to sign himself out so you don't have to deal with him.
-Your diet consists of foods that have gone through more processing than most computers.
-You say to yourself "Great veins" as you pass by perfect strangers.
-You want to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide...doing it right."
-You believe that "stupid" should be a diagnosis.
-You think caffiene should come in IV form.
-You enjoy restraining someone, and it is not for sex.
-Your bladder expands to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.
-Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the backyard.
-You get an irrestiable urge to wolf down your food in less than 3 minutes, even when you are at a nice restaurant.
-You have referred to subcutaneous emphysema air as "Rice Krispies".
-You've held a 14 gauge needle over someone's vein and remarked "There's only going to be a little pain-this will only hurt for a second."
-You are the only one at the dinner table NOT allowed to talk about your day at work.
-Your life motto is "If it is wet, sticky and not yours, don't touch it."
-You've sworn that you are going to have "No Code" tattoed to your chest.
-Your family members have a fever of 105, a dismemberment of a limb and active vleeding before you give them any sympathy.
-You believe every patient needs TLC: thorazine, Lorazapam, and Compazine
-You hope there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light
-You have a tendency to laugh at your patients "big" problem
-Your sense of humor seems more "warped" each year
-You think pizza, cookies, and a coke make a balanced meal
-You believe that saying "It can't get worse: causes it to get worse just to show you it can (Same lines of never say "quiet, not busy or, God forbid, SLOW")
-You have ever wolfed down a sandwich while emptying your bladder (And considered it your break)
-You have a recurring nightmare of being hit & run over by the portable x-ray machine
-You have ever had a patient say, "I'm not pregnant, I can't be pregnant! I can't be having a baby!" (While looking at their ultrasound showing them to be 39.4 weeks pregnant and having a contraction!!)
-You've ever bet on someone's blood alcohol level (we call it 'alco-lotto at our emerg)
-You believe the ER waiting room should have a Valium salt lick
-You know it's a full moon without looking at the sky
-You have ever had to deal with someone who thinks being constipated for 4 hrs is an emergency
You would like to meet the inventor of the call light some night in a dark alley....
-You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious
-You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock.....
-You notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse
-Every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you
-You can intubate your friends at parties
-You don't get excited about blood unless it's your own
-You live by the motto, " to be right is only half the battle, to convince the physician is more difficult."
-You've basted your thanksgiving turkey with a Toomey syringe
-You've told a confused patient your name was that of your coworker and to HOLLER if they need help
-Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly normal
-You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during break, sitting up and not be embarrsased when you wake up
-You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off

You must have been around a while to see all of this ...wow...REALLY funny!!
I can identify with a lot of these!! Keep 'em coming...

[chrisrob]

love to read these after a hard day make me laugh so much and theres so much more we dont talk about isn't there?