[Franemtnurse]

Some patients who really need to go to the ER via 911 don't always go on time.

Some people waiting in line at the triage nurse's window really do have an emergency. All you have to do is listen to the person breathe.

That some patients don't go see their docs often enough

That some patients forget to take their meds

That people on the albuteral inhaler can really be breathing just air when they inhale

That the staff needs to know how to float the albuteral inhaler in water to see if it's full or not.

[Emmanuel Goldstein]

Don't "just put windex on it."

I don't even wanna know...

[curiousauntie]

Originally Posted by Emmanuel Goldstein

I don't even wanna know...

From the movie "My Big, Fat Greek Wedding". The father thought that any injury or illness could be cured by spraying Windex on it. Funny movie.

[zologista]

I have learned that the more asinine the complaint the longer a patient will wait in a busy ER to be seen.

I have also learned that the patient with the most asinine complaint will have a very very poor sense of personal hygiene.

I have also learned that that same patient will visit you very often (Sometimes daily) with many many many different complaints. "I stubbed my toe and I need Dr. So&So to look at it"

I have learned that the reason that asinine stinky pt knows that Dr so&so is working is because he or she KNOWS the doctors' cars.

[janfrn]

What do you do if it's the DOCTOR who's stinky?

[Starr1966]

Originally Posted by judy ann

This brings to mind the young couple that found that plastic wrap does not make a good emergency condom. The paramedics that answered the 911 were still laughing when they arrived at ER! The ER doc found it difficult to "break the seal"!

Oh My!! How embarrassing that would be!

[al7139]

Never hold a bullet with a pair of kitchen tongs while your buddy hits it with a brick (2 guys with military combat experience in Iraq). One now needs a cornea transplant.
Never do a bunch of cocaine, then show up to the ED with chest pain, denying that you use drugs while you are so high that you can't stop moving or talking, we know, we do drug tests!
Never tell me that you weren't smoking in your hospital room when I can smell it in the hallway, there are ashes on the floor by your bed, and the butt is in your water cup (especially when you are on 2L O2 via NC)! If you want to go up in flames when you get home, fine, don't put my life in danger!
Amy

[Jessiedog]

Originally Posted by Granolagirl17

I have learned that sometimes, no matter what you try, you will actually have to (gasp!) wait to be seen in an ER, especially if you come in with a non-lifethreatening condition... (a dog bite from your dog that happened three days ago and you don't want to have to "wait" to see your regular doctor)

Ranting and raving about the fact that "I was here first!" does nothing to sway the triage nurse (although at first she will try to explain why the person arriving by EMS with an active MI had priority)

And it doesn't help to call 911 from the payphone down the hall from the ER in the hospital....

And it still doesn't help to call 911 from the payphone a block away from the corner grocery store - and if you do, don't be dumb enough to explain that you just left the ER and you want to go back in a stretcher so you don't have to wait - especially when you are wearing the triage bracelet from said ER and the 911 is hospital based - that was the only 1 of 2 times I know of that the paramedic got the "all clear" to NOT transport the patient....

And it even still doesn't help to call 911 from your home, 30 minutes later (especially when you are still wearing the triage bracelet from the ER and as luck would have it, the same paramedic and partner show up at your home - that would be 2 of 2 that permission to decline transport was issued)

ya gotta hand it to ém for persistence!!!!

[Jessiedog]

Listen to the nurse when she explains that having a cigarette 30 mins after waking from a GA is NOT a good idea, even though you are young, male, and smoke 40 a day with no problems.

Don't get cranky at same nurse when she is not in time to hand you an emesis basin after you return in the wheelchair pushed by your girlfriend to allow you to have said cigarette.

Have the grace to apologise when the nurse quiety empties the trash can you just threw up in, and settles you back into bed with a cold face-washer and not even an Ï told you so" (even tho she REALLY wanted to say it)

[sarah_bellum]

If you are a bartender and decide to do a trick for tips, don't make that trick pouring vodka on your crotch and lighting it on fire. No, the Vodka does not burn off, no matter what you were told by your frat buddies.

If you have flash burns all over your face, with gold spray paint all around your nose at 3am, the nursing staff will not believe you when you say you were "painting your kitchen"

If you are in a car wreck, don't tell the hospital staff you are the other guy in your car, who has insurance. They will eventually figure it out and not be happy.

If you are an admitted Heroin user, your friend comes to visit 3 times, and each time your HR drops into the 40s and the IV infiltrates, don't whine every time we have to start another IV. (I had to bite my tongue so hard, I wanted to say "Do you want to put this in, since you like self administering so much?")

If you are drunk, don't run next to a leaf fire with a gas can. The fumes will light and you will be very, very unhappy.

Don't let your elderly wife with bad eyesight but her "hemmorrhoid" cream on your rectum (it was nitro paste)