[TDub]

Originally Posted by LLLRN

That if you choose to work in home health you will be inserting a foley into an elderly woman that weighs about 90lbs, but has the strength of 10 men. The room will be about 100 degrees, you will be sweating like a pig and the only light in the room will be a 25 watt light bulb on the other side of the room. In order to insert the catheter you will be on your knees in the bed with a pen light in your mouth and your elbow will be trying to hold her knees apart...oh yeah and don't forget sterile technique because this is the last catheter you have in your car and you are about 65 miles from your office.
Also, when you go to admit your patient for service, again about 65-70 miles from the office, the patient will be dead when you get there. Unfortunately, the family will not realize that grandma is not just sleeping and so when you let them know that she has expired the will all become so hysterical that the pregnant niece will start having contractions and need an ambulance. There will not be a current DNR order and you will need to carry your own phone because the family will have a phone that does not dial out long distance and you will be in the middle of nowhere.
And last but not least, a bad day in home health will include running over a chicken.

The putting a cath in the little old lady part did happen to me. There was no light in the room, so the daughter got a table lamp and held it for me. The only problem was she was more interested in what I was doing than in paying attention to what SHE was doing, so I got several burns on the back of my neck, eyebrows and temple. Sst, ow! Ssst, ow! Ssst, hey!

[peridotgirl]

that not everybody's BP falls into the norm.
In school when teachers yell at u for doing something wrong, u do the procedure over, in the real world, u don't get a
"do over"
That school is soo much easier than work

[SaderNurse05]

Originally Posted by beachmom

I never knew men could have "innies," and I'm not talking about belly buttons.

Once I had to call a urology nurse to find the opening to insert a catheter in a man.

I had a guy like this. He also complained of a penile ulcer so when I could not find his member I asked him to show me the ulcer... NEVER would have found it otherwise.

[adrienurse]

how doctors can somehow get away with blaming YOU for them not answering their pages

[suanna]

They never told me that ALL the patients in the hospital on weekends are crazy, confused or combative. ETOH abuse is the primary hobby of all patients between the age of 30 and 80. They failed to mention that you will work every holiday-if you aren't scheduled they will call you in to cover the call-offs. Night shift is a right of passage. No nurse has any opinion about how thing shoud be done that is considered more than a passing jest for management.
I actualy had an instructor tell me that nurses are the only true professionals in health care since doctors are hired mercenarys and the rest of the hospital staff are there to support the nursing department-(she had been out of the acute care arena for a while)

[emeraldjay]

Here's something I wished they taught me in class:
No matter how many times the patient has hit the floor, she/he will still try to get out of bed and walk.
Some doctors need a reminder that their patient is not between the covers of a chart/set of vital signs.
The patient's peri area that was as red as a traffic light all night will suddenly and miraculously heal when it comes time for the doctor to look at.
Some of your co-workers will be shocked and horrified that neither the patients nor staff sleep on night shift.
The hospital is not a place for a patient to get some rest.
Make sure your partner lifts when "boosting" a patient or you will end up in the ER or tossing the patient in your partner's lap or both.
Your second aide on a floor full of assist of 2's will always be treated as the "spare" aide and be floated off unit when it's time for AM cares.
Chux pad placement is an artform, those who don't believe this will doom the next shift to a series of complete bed changes.
There is someone out there who is teaching beancounters that mandatory overtime costs less than scheduled overtime... Who knew?
The patients who acknowledge they aren't the only patients on the unit are probably the ones that need your help the most and ask for it the least.
That little old lady with a fracture at both ends of the same humerus is convinced her arm is not broken.
There will be times in your career that you will swear family members make mom or dad a full code just to be cruel.

[Avelinne]

These are my gems:

That people(Administrators/NS Managers,etc...) can lie with a straight face and their noses won't get bigger.

That a little jiggle of the boobs at a confused male patient can get them to stop swinging.

That Holidays are NOT Really important unless your management, at which point you are entitled to the whole week off between Xmas and New Years and your not to be disturbed on major holidays.

That the definition of nurse is maid,servant,and slave in every language.

That there is an evil spirit of IV pumps whose sole purpose is to drive you nuts and make you curse the day you became a nurse.

That thoughts of vacations and time off plans will become a form of relaxation.

That anything that does not get stuck in the trachea is edible to a psych patient.

That family members who have not visited Aunt Agnes for YEARS will suddenly have opinions on her care when she is on Hospice.

That nurses run the other way when the Student Nurses arrive on the floor with their Instructor(was a nursing student/now a nurse and can't help but join others ).

That little kids/old people and all gastro pts can all projectile vomit like the Exorcist(watch for the green gills)

That when a nurse tells you in report that patient B is not that bad, they LIED!

That putting water into a cup on your cart then pouring water into another cup for the crushed BC pill going into the peg tube of your patient then accidently drinking from the cup with the crushed BC pill in it will not kill you.(true story)

And Finally, That if you don't have enough chocolate candy to share with everyone, then don't bring it to class(work).

[Daywalker]

That so-called "incompatable with life" BS values aren't so incompatable after all

That the isolation pt will need multiple blood draws and ECG's each day of his/her stay

That you need a football team to hold down a toddler for a blood draw

[adrienurse]

that a frail old man who lacks the coordination and dexterity to feed and care for himself can unwrap a complicated foot dressing in 5 seconds flat.

[Elvish]

That I would eventually get written up for something.