Let's see, I have performed the following stupid nurse's tricks:
* drank an entire pot of caffienated coffee while studying and spent the day on the toilet groaning instead of studying.
*the next weekend decided to be 'one of the cool kids' while studying and attempted to light a cigarette (I have never smoked) off the gas stove. Burned all my bangs off plus singed my eyebrows.
*chopped chiles for chili con carne and then went to work. Rubbed my eye during report and screamed bloody murder, scaring the bejebus out of the patients.
*not recognized a patient when she took her wig off and demanded to know what she had done with Mrs. Robinson!?!
*when preparing my first deceased patient for the morgue, noticed my friend's hand reaching under the curtain to seize my ankle and stomped on his hand, the devil.
* called into work and when my friend answered the phone I felt the need to tell her I'd be late because I was having fantastico sex with my new hot hunky boyfriend, the Englishman. In detail. In great detail. I was on the speakerphone.
*accidently broke my dead patient's wrist while trying to wrestle her into the outfit in which the family wanted her taken to the funeral home.
*again, while dressing a dead patient, put her Capri pants on backwards. No one noticed.
*slipped and fell into the hydrotub when attempting to bathe a patient. She thought it wildly funny.
*leaned across a quadriplegic patient to fluff pillows and almost suffocated the poor guy with my own "pillows". He said, "What a way to go!"
*managed to destroy 2 additional patient's narcs when dcing my own patient's meds. Didn't look at the names on the blisterpaks. Idiot.
*ripped open my own scrub top catching it on a metal projection on the bed. Thank goodness I was wearing a nice bra.
*got caught by the patient looking down the scrub top of my really good-looking male student and admiring his perfect chest. Yum.
*bobbled a (thankfully clean) needle and had it land straight up, quivering in my foot. Do not wear suede Birkenstocks to work, no matter how cool they look.
*asked a patient I ran into on the street how her baby was. "Oh, uh, he died." was the reply. Kill me now...
*grabbed my friend the doc's bottom and honked him only.... It wasn't my good friend, it was a new doc; one of the most handsome men I'd ever seen. For some reason he avoided me the rest of his rotation. Sigh.
*tripped over the cord and unplugged the iron lung. Yes, I am that old.
*fainted in the midst of a delivery. Twice.
*not showed up for work when I was on the schedule and showed up when I wasn't all due to mistranscribing my own schedule to my calendar.
Last but not least,
*three days ago, a colleague was playing with a SIX AND A HALF INCH LONG remote control tarantula and made it crawl towards me:
Discovery Remote Control Mexican Redknee Tarantula
I saw it, leapt backwards and screamed "F^cksocks!" at the top of my lungs. I am one of the Clinical Instructors of Nursing. Classy.
There are more, but they are too embarrassing to recount.