[JustaPatient]

Originally Posted by love_being_an_aide

This one nurse I work with had a patient who had sprained his penis. So, I am walking by the room going to change an incontinent patient, and I hear her say, I'm ***, i'm going to be your nurse tonight. How's your penis doing? Did the doctor put a sling on it?" God, I almost wet myself.

I am sorry but I need to ask as a female non-nurse. How do you sprain your penis?

[Yenta7]

One night, I had a pt who was very confused and disoriented. At one point, I wanted to see if the patient wanted assistance back to bed:

"Sir do you want me to get you into your bed?"

He replies, "I'm gonna report you! I'm gonna report you for propositioning me!!!"

That definitely helped temporarily take my mind off my frustration. Hehe

[elizabells]

Originally Posted by JustaPatient

I am sorry but I need to ask as a female non-nurse. How do you sprain your penis?

Oh, how shall I be delicate about this? During, uh, vigorous sex, if the penis slips out and then the two people move back together really quickly without realizing it, the penis can hit against the partner's pubic bone (or ischial tuberosity, or whatever) and be damaged. I don't know if I'd call it a *sprain*, exactly, but the tissue inside is spongy and highly vascular, so if it ruptures inside it can cause pain, swelling, deformity, and actually permanent damage. Happened to my roommate in college. He said it was about the worst thing ever.

[BabySweetpea]

The other day I cared for a very elderly very confused man. He refused to put clothes back on and of course refused to stay in bed. As I was sitting with him trying to talk him back into bed he looked up at me and asked if I knew when the plane would be here? I asked what the plane was for and where he was going, he stated that "we needed to drop off the body in Mexico" He went on to complain that he never had a choice, and always had to do what "they said". Considering his Italian last name I wonder if I had a mafia retiree. I got him back into bed by telling him the plane was running late and he had time for a nap. Hey nothing else worked that afternoon!

[JustaPatient]

Originally Posted by elizabells

Oh, how shall I be delicate about this? During, uh, vigorous sex, if the penis slips out and then the two people move back together really quickly without realizing it, the penis can hit against the partner's pubic bone (or ischial tuberosity, or whatever) and be damaged. I don't know if I'd call it a *sprain*, exactly, but the tissue inside is spongy and highly vascular, so if it ruptures inside it can cause pain, swelling, deformity, and actually permanent damage. Happened to my roommate in college. He said it was about the worst thing ever.

Thanks for the explanation. I just could not figure it out. I am so nieve.

[RobLPN]

I had a confused older black lady look at me with a serious expression and proclaim "I'm your mother" One problem I'm white.

I should have said "Mom! Mom! All these years I've been looking for you!!"

[RobLPN]

Once I was in a room with a Doctor who was telling the pt he was going to stop his "blood thinner" medicine. The pt looked very concerned and worried saying something like "I don't want my blood to thicken, that can kill you, cant' it?"

[cowgrrlRN]

While I was in nursing school I also worked as a CNA. I had always heard rumors that a certain pt had been a local madam when she was younger. I never quite believed the tale until one fateful Sunday morning as the other CNA I was working with and I were exiting the pt's room as 2 local pastors were walking down the hall visiting. My sweet little old lady calls out to the pastor's "You can get these two for 10 bucks!" I have never tried so hard not to laugh and been mortified at the same time!

[morte]

Originally Posted by car_crash_heart1408

1. When filling out a lab slip for a UA C&S, she wrote "UA CNS". It took three people and 20 minutes to explain the difference to her

3. Another charting episode occurred when a male patient was feeling ill. She was charting his condition and asked me how to spell "pacific". I responded by asking her what she meant; her reply was "Mr. X has no pacific complaints". I replied that Pacific was an ocean, he has no specific complaints. OMG!

This is a seasoned (20 yrs. or more) LPN and it kinda scares me that she is responsible for 30 odd residents and hands out narcotics.

hmm around here, we write UA CNS, and know what it means.....there is no Q in subcutaneous either, but we write it sq on occassion.....and the specific is a very common spoken error......i think she is well aware of her weakness and is at least asking.......from nursing school onward i have been known to write done instead of down and vs....no known reason....

[pfongk]

I was admitting a resident with dementia this evening and I asked her if she knew what year it was. Her reply was "Did you know that Queensland is full of queers and they all live with their partners?".

I was like ok um well this is your buzzer.