[ShariDCST]

I used to scrub for a Podiatry Group (12 DPMs) at the Outpatient Surgery Center operated for the whole group. The vast majority of the cases were done under "MAC" anesthesia (Monitored Anesthesia Care - heavy sedation monitored by an anesthesiologist). The patients were generally sedated to the point of sleeping with no ventilatory assistance while the DPM used a quantity of local anesthetic to numb the area to be operated on. After the numbing was done, which would have been extraordinarily painful to do without the sedation, the patient's anesthesia level would usually be lightened up until they were just groggy. The surgery would continue and the patient had no pain, and thanks to Versed, no memory of the whole thing, even for the ones who acted like they were awake and aware.
On more than one occasion, we would have a patient who insisted that they absolutely had to be completely asleep for the whole thing, and if their prevailing medical status would allow it, the anesthesiologist generally made sure they were heavy sedation (we called it "Big MAC") for the whole thing. Then they'd turn off the Diprivan IV at the end of the case, and the patient was wide awake in a minute or so.
The fun came when the patient would awaken to a point of groggy awareness, and not expect to be that aware of their surroundings (remember the Versed - they didn't recall any of it later) and would generally ask something like "Am I awake?" of "Am I supposed to be this awake?" or something along those lines. After getting used to the routines, and assisting the surgeon with one hand and passing with the other, I got comfortable to the point of being conversant with sedated patients, and one Doc let us have a little harmless fun with them to lighten up the room once in a while. My favorite response to their question would be to answer "No - you're not awake. You're still sleeping, and we are in your dream." (I know - my bad. )
The puzzled look on some faces was enough to generate a few giggles from the rest of us, and the reassured look on others left them comfortable enough to put their head back down and doze back off to sleep for the rest of the case! It was fun to watch and see what kind of reaction we would get - nobody remembered a thing, and it made the day go a little faster with some humor in it!

[silverrainbows]

I was floating one day and came upon a middle aged, sound minded lady sitting on a commode chair behind her curtain. I asked her if I could help her and she said " I'm just waiting" of course this was followed by "waiting for what?"...."My autopsy" she replied.....I told her she might have to wait a really long time for that but offered to help her with her suppository. Very hard to do without laughing....

[oooooooooo]

Originally Posted by Meri333

I was in a patients room once changing an IV bag... my patient was a SUPER confused little old lady about 85trs old. I was standing next to her bedside table and knocked over the chart I had with me. She says, "What was that?!?" I said, "Ma'am, you just farted" and she says, "Oh my! I'm so sorry!"... I ran out of there laughing sooooo hard! Isn't that horrible of me? But it was sooooooooooo funny! I went to the nurses station and told everyone... everyone was rolling on the floor!

That's terrible!

[curlilockz]

I was helping a nurse shave a pt's leg for surgery on his ankle. He was in his late teens, and his mother and grandmother were in the room with him. The nurse made a joke with him about his hairy legs. The mother said (and I quote), "If you think that's hairy, you should go up a little bit more."

Poor guy. He turned blood red and yelled "Thanks mom."

[Elvish]

This is one of MY bloopers...one night I was having a very bad night and one of my coworkers helped me out in a big way. To express my gratitude, I meant to tell her "I could kiss you & hug your neck" - not an uncommon phrase in the South.

What came out was, "I could hug you and kiss your neck." Whoops.

[squeakykitty]

During my CNA clinicals the instructor asked one of my classmates about a residents BM. The classmate said "It's in my pocket". Everyone cracked up.

What she meant was that she wrote down the size on a piece of paper that was in her pocket.

[car_crash_heart1408]

Needless to say, the charge nurse I work with isn't the brightest. Just a few examples:
1. When filling out a lab slip for a UA C&S, she wrote "UA CNS". It took three people and 20 minutes to explain the difference to her
2. While charting on a resident, she turned to me to ask if ""left foot" was spelled the same as "he turned left"".
3. Another charting episode occurred when a male patient was feeling ill. She was charting his condition and asked me how to spell "pacific". I responded by asking her what she meant; her reply was "Mr. X has no pacific complaints". I replied that Pacific was an ocean, he has no specific complaints. OMG!

This is a seasoned (20 yrs. or more) LPN and it kinda scares me that she is responsible for 30 odd residents and hands out narcotics.

[JustaPatient]

Originally Posted by car_crash_heart1408

.....3. Another charting episode occurred when a male patient was feeling ill. She was charting his condition and asked me how to spell "pacific". I responded by asking her what she meant; her reply was "Mr. X has no pacific complaints". I replied that Pacific was an ocean, he has no specific complaints. OMG!

This is a seasoned (20 yrs. or more) LPN and it kinda scares me that she is responsible for 30 odd residents and hands out narcotics.

This MAY be more of a speech thing the a dumb thing, don't know your situation but one of my friends always does that she CAN NOT say specific, it always comes out pacific.

[sunny261]

anyone have quote books? I used to work with a nurse who was always mispronouncing words...actually it was quite funny...we got a book and started writing funny statements or comments from staff, patients/families and the doctors....We called it Judyisms and we would giggle and laugh going over the book...esp when we'd have a trying day....have to say I even made THE book....lol

[love_being_an_aide]

This one nurse I work with had a patient who had sprained his penis. So, I am walking by the room going to change an incontinent patient, and I hear her say, I'm ***, i'm going to be your nurse tonight. How's your penis doing? Did the doctor put a sling on it?" God, I almost wet myself.