[siouxsieyq]

Not as funny as a lot of these, but still makes me laugh.

Back from my CNA days, breakfast in the day room, im assisting several patients when in walks the DON and administrator. My absolute favorite patient, this sweet LOL with dementia yells out "quick its the fuzz, hide the paraphanalia"

I have a patient on my unit right now, dementia with delerium, yells all the time, MD doesn't believe in Ativan or Xanax. Most of the time his yelling makes me wanna rip my hair out, but the other night he had me practically rolling on the floor. he starts yelling "Help, Help" pretty normal for him, but he goes on "Help, Hamburger, help. " Keeps going, "Help hamburger, help, onions, HEEEELLLLPPPP, Tomatoes" Got him up in the chair and tried to give him a snack. He looks at me like im crazy and says, "Im not hungry, give it to that guy yelling for a burger"

[Jessiedog]

...he starts yelling "Help, Help" pretty normal for him, but he goes on "Help, Hamburger, help. " Keeps going, "Help hamburger, help, onions, HEEEELLLLPPPP,

I know where you're coming from! We placed a very confused demented old gentleman up near the desk on our acute orthopoedic ward, so we could keep an eye on him. His usual yell was "Oi!" He would yell this all day long, for hours on end. Every 3 seconds (and yes, we did time it) his "Oi" would float out of the door. This man was a full feed, and I swear you had to time the mouthfulls in between his "Oi!", or you would wear the food. It was almost involuntary. A polite request to him to be quiet would result in 30 seconds of peace before the verbal ejaculations resumed! It was difficult explaining to the various visitors that came past that the man really was alright, and that we really HAD just been in to check him, no he didn't need the toilet, and yes, he'd just had a drink.

One memorable evening, I was acting up in charge of the ward, as all the more senior nurses had called in sick. Towards the end of the shift there were several of us grouped around the desk trying frantically to write those last-minute notes, and tally the fluid balances. In between all this, supervising two lots of blood transfusion obs, and assisting the new grad to roll the post-op hip patient, my tolerance level was WAY down! One of my younger colleagues noted my rising stress levels, and decided to help. This was the dialogue that ensued:

Old man "Oi...."

nurse "..what's a matter you?"

"Oi....."

"...what ya gonna do?"

"Oi...."

".....oh, shut uppa you face!"

There were four nurses staggering around the desk, wiping tears off their faces as we tried not to fall over ourselves laughing! Of course, just then, the Nursing Supervisor popped in on her regular inspection rounds. The explanations just never did do justice to the situation.....

[mahjia]

its 12 noon the other day. im with my senior staff to give our meds. our last patient to entertain on is an old lady w/a dx of HPN and cardio problem. her meds are amlodipine and citicholine. i always explain every procedures and the drugs, of what they are for, to my patients. but that day and that moment i took it for granted. i explained to the lola that amlodipine is for her high blood pressure. and for her citicholine? it is for her ARTHRITIS!!! my senior wasnt able to hear so no one to correct me and only i realized when doin my routine hand washing of what crazy-info i gave..."huh?! isnt it a colchicine? nuh-uh it is citicholine''

thats so embarrassing and careless..

[DF-LPN]

When I was an aide many moons ago, I had a fellow aide ask me to help her with a b/p. She said she had trouble hearing it. So we walked in the room and the and the res was pasty gray with blue lips. I told the other aide to go get the nurse NOW!! Well unfortunately the res passed away brfore the aide and nurse got back the the room. The aide looked at the res then at me, then at the nurse and said "She was alive when I left the room!" The nurse and I just stood there with our mouths open for a few sec then burst out laughing. The poor aide blushed pure red when she realized what she had just implicated..

[DF-LPN]

Not a patient story, but funny.
One night a fellow nurse and I were sitting and the desk and we were talking about ourselfs... I told her that while growing up my dad was a proud card carrying Momma's Boy. Everything was Walter's, the oreo cookies, the pepsi, so on and so forth, she was so bad she actually told my mom that she could not park in the driveway (my parent's were divorced at this time) because Walt would be hame soon and would have to park at the curb and walk throught the snow, like I said spoiled. Anyways, you know that when you tell a child no about something, the minute your back is turned they take what they were told no about. When I was 4 or 5, I came home from the neighbors and there sitting on the car was a can of pepsi and no one around, so I ran over a took a great big gulp and it was gasoline.....I swear to god, the other nurses eyes got huge and she said......And you lived!!!!!

I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard....I told her "Nope, I'm a dead nurse working!!!

[xbebekinsx]

a few weeks ago in clinicals i had a pleasantly confused elderly lady with bacterial endocarditis and she also had a foley in... sometime during the night she had to take a dump, so the night nurses put her on the BSC, and after the work was done they left the bucket for the commode in the bathroom. in the morning when i was in report, my lady got herself out of bed, unscrewed her foley from the bag, and sat on the commode (without the bucket) to take another dump... all over the floor. we took care of everything and about an hour later she pulled her foley out and walked to the nurses station with the foley in her hand and said "can you guys help me with these damn worms" i had an interesting day with her and learned quickly to stay on my toes!!!!

[blueberrybon]

I work in a regular run-of-the-mill nursing home. A resident today was yelling down the hall for someone to help him. I don't know this fella because I work on the opposite hall (on call mind you, so I don't know many of the residents). Any way, he's yelling, so I went down to see if it was anything I could do.

"Can you take off my shoe?" pointing to his right foot.

I take off his shoe and set it on the floor next to him.

He proceeds to loudly proclaim for all to hear: ""Who the hell took my shoe!!!"

Alrighty then....

[Silverblitzen]

OK, I'll play!

Years ago working on a psych unit there was an older female patient - a very delightful one with schizophrenia. She was one of my favourites as she was maybe 5 feet in stocking feet and the image of Greta Garbo, complete with the platinum hair and the finger waves. She dressed in these flowing satin bathrobes and was very dramatic. At the whiff of something distasteful to her, I swear she'd swoon and we were always picking her up off the floor. Well, the time came for her to have a physical and we had on staff a young, green-behind-the-ears, new MD. Our unit was locked, but he didn't want a key as he said he'd never use it. The unit just freaked him out! Yes, it was he that had to do the physical on our Garbo. I attended our little lady with him and watched as he did the assessment. As she's laying with arms posed in a very dramatic fashion above her head, he did the breast exam. At that point she says in a very loud voice, "Oh doctor! I haven't had this much fun since my honeymoon!" He stands up and bolts from the unit calling out to me as he ran, "I'll dictate later!" I spent the rest of the shift doubled over! Ah, the memories!

[Franemtnurse]

Originally Posted by Silverblitzen

OK, I'll play!

Years ago working on a psych unit there was an older female patient - a very delightful one with schizophrenia. She was one of my favourites as she was maybe 5 feet in stocking feet and the image of Greta Garbo, complete with the platinum hair and the finger waves. She dressed in these flowing satin bathrobes and was very dramatic. At the whiff of something distasteful to her, I swear she'd swoon and we were always picking her up off the floor. Well, the time came for her to have a physical and we had on staff a young, green-behind-the-ears, new MD. Our unit was locked, but he didn't want a key as he said he'd never use it. The unit just freaked him out! Yes, it was he that had to do the physical on our Garbo. I attended our little lady with him and watched as he did the assessment. As she's laying with arms posed in a very dramatic fashion above her head, he did the breast exam. At that point she says in a very loud voice, "Oh doctor! I haven't had this much fun since my honeymoon!" He stands up and bolts from the unit calling out to me as he ran, "I'll dictate later!" I spent the rest of the shift doubled over! Ah, the memories!

This is what makes nursing fun.

[Ni_Ni]

When I was still a CNA in the LTC facility I still work at, a co-worker and I were getting a female resident ready for bed who wasn't quite all there. She was concerned that their wasn't enough room in her house for all of us, including myself and my coworker, to sleep. After rearranging some sleeping situations, she decided that instead of sleeping on the couch, she would just tough it out and sleep in bed with her husband. She then said something about, but if I sleep with him, I'll never get my book finished because he never left her alone when they were in bed together. I then asked the resident what book she was reading. She looked at me and said "well, it's a book on all the different positions," as in sexual positions. I held my laughter in as best as I could, until, with a very serious expression, the resident looked at me and says "What's your favorite position?" At that point I couldn't help but laugh. My coworker jokingly says in a hushed voice, hoping the resident wouldn't hear, says "doggystyle." Well, the resident did hear, and the rest of the night, while she was lying in bed, she barked.