[saphira]

I worked on a Geriatric Psych unit. We had one lady who seemed to be making progress and then all the sudden get worse. One day she came out of her room, went up to the GN I was orienting and said, "Dan, take me to your leader. Take me to your leader." All day. The next day it was "Take me to your phone bank and turn it on."

Then there was the guy I took care of when I first started working as an aide. It was the night shift, I had been an aide for a few weeks, never done the work before. The only thing I knew about this guys besides his age (early 90s) was the he was on a ventimask. I walk into his room, his roommate's sleeping (hearing aides out), so I walk around the curtain and see this little old guy buck naked, urinal spilled in the bed next to him, mask off, masturbating. He grins at me and says, "Dolly, I'll give you $1,000 if you get into bed with me." The only thing I could think of saying was "I think you should put your mask back on." Two years later, as an new LPN, I walked into my new job onto my assigned unit. The same little old guy walks down the hall, looks at me, keeps going, then comes back a few minutes later and says, "Dolly, I'll still give that $1,000."

[nratchet]

I have a couple of stories.

I worked as a CNA for six years in a SNF and while I was there we had a married couple. The wife had been admitted first and had Alzheimer's, her husband was admitted later. Well, they were put in the same room per the husband and families request. You're probably wondering what's funny about this but wait, I'm getting to it.

Well, the husband had hypospadius and needed a foley catheter. He had been in the facility for a few months and in that time his nurse or CNA (not me) would find the foley in his sheets or on the floor with the ballon intact but couldn't figure out how it was getting pulled out as he didn't turn on his own and had limited use of his hands. A few days after the last time the foley had been found out, his CNA entered their room to check on the husband and found the wife in bed with him, on top, jumping up and down with the husband screaming "GET OFF ME! GET OFF ME!".

Knowing this the nurse has a very bad thought and asked the wife, once we got her out of the room, if she had been pulling the catheter out. She said, and I quote, "Well yes honey, it was in my way."

[nratchet]

We had this little lady who used to have us in stitches almost every day with some of the x-rated things she would say. Here's just a few examples.

One of the nurse's sons came to floor one day to talk to his mother and our little lady was sitting in her w/c quietly until he walked by, at which time she said "hi". He said hi back and she then proceeded to ask him if he has a big d**k. He refuses to this day to come back on that floor.

Another time, our infection control nurse, who is a young, good looking man and thought our little miss potty mouth was the cutest thing and didn't believe she would say some of the things she did even after we warned him, came walking up to the nurses desk. He got what he came for and turned to leave. As he walked by her she said "i love you" to which he replied "i love you too" and kept walking. He hadn't taken more than three steps when she said "then come back her and f**k me". He did a complete 180, slapped his hand over his mouth and turned bright red.

Last but not least. She would be sitting quietly watching the goings on around her and would suddenly say " my name is _________ and my husbands name is _________ and he f***ed me. i liked it so much i married him."

[Katie-in-charge51]

In my younger years, I remember a lot of "events" that were definitely not funny at the time, but of course now they are comical. I once was taking care of a bilateral below knee amputee, and got him up in the recliner for supper. I remember going by the room and I didn't see him in the chair, and I thought someone had put him to bed for me. When I thanked my aide for helping me with him, she said "I didn't put him to bed!" Well, needless to say I panicked, and ran back to the room and when I actually got all the way in the room on the other side of the bed, I saw my little man! He had gotten his little stumps caught in the space between the seat and the legrest of the recliner, had fallen forward face down into the footrest, and the recliner had gone into an upright position! He could not get up.......or down.......or anything. I was terrified as we helped him sit back up, but thank God-he was not hurt. I know it's funny now, but...........................

[Emmanuel Goldstein]

Originally Posted by nratchet

We had this little lady who used to have us in stitches almost every day with some of the x-rated things she would say. Here's just a few examples.

One of the nurse's sons came to floor one day to talk to his mother and our little lady was sitting in her w/c quietly until he walked by, at which time she said "hi". He said hi back and she then proceeded to ask him if he has a big d**k. He refuses to this day to come back on that floor.

Another time, our infection control nurse, who is a young, good looking man and thought our little miss potty mouth was the cutest thing and didn't believe she would say some of the things she did even after we warned him, came walking up to the nurses desk. He got what he came for and turned to leave. As he walked by her she said "i love you" to which he replied "i love you too" and kept walking. He hadn't taken more than three steps when she said "then come back her and f**k me". He did a complete 180, slapped his hand over his mouth and turned bright red.

Last but not least. She would be sitting quietly watching the goings on around her and would suddenly say " my name is _________ and my husbands name is _________ and he f***ed me. i liked it so much i married him."

That is hilarious!!!

I can't wait to be a dirty old lady

[servant2]

I realize that a nurse can't control what patients will do but if you can't keep the "funny" stories on this thread clean, that is to say without bad language, then I will close my connection to this thread.

Just so you know where I stand.

[greensister]

Well the fact is we nurses have to have our shell-likes stuffed with cotton wool if we could not put up with the naughty words! On the district we once ahd a lovely old tramp--a real togue--whose language was very fruity. Each of us, unbeknown to each other, kept affecting great shock and saying we were (unmarried) vicar's daughters. He eventually called our bluss, saying there was rather a lot of holy virgins around!

When I first worked in psychiatry in the 1960s, a truly innocent young maiden then! I had a real baptism of fire--since then I have been unshockable! Midwifery was another case to block your shell -likes- and in geriatrics--as we called it then---a large number of--oddly--pillars of the church-ladies liked to bare all and come out with shocking expletives. I only hope that when I get Alzhiemrs or a stroke--or whatever--I wont get stuck in a "naughty groove".

greensister

greensister

[catlynLPN]

Originally Posted by mangb

i have 2 the first one was i had this little lady who had one of her legs missing aka and she had a prostatic we had just got done with her shower and had her dressed and in her chair with her leg on when we were going down the hall her leg got stuck behind the chair making it look like her leg was bent all the way back under the chair this maint man see's this and starts screaming about her leg breaking. her being the funny person that she was started screaming as well saying oh my God you tore my leg off

I just found this thread and read the above post!
I laughed so hard, imagining this scene, I almost peed on myself!

[servant2]

Nurses have to put up with naughty words when the patient isn't responsible for saying them and to some extent even when they are, but we don't have to propogate the habit in our own behavior.

Some people think dirty jokes are "adult" and funny; I don't, and I think it demeans nurses as I believe it demeans anyone to put low language or ideas in front of them.

And, by the way, I'm no prude or shielded from life, I just think we can be better than that. And I think I have a sense of humor.

One patient lived on a Medicare ward I worked, a young man, formerly a motorcyclist, now a quadraplegic requiring continuing care in the nursing home. He had some nurses or aides who brought him alchohol and other things. And since they thought, because of my faith, that I was an easy mark, they set me up one night in my care of him, to put something I needed for his care on top of his bare private parts. My professionalism didn't hide my embarrassment; I simply acknowledged that they "got" me and he still got his care.

[greensister]

Quite! We have to put up with all kinds of "dickipoggy words2--as we say in Yorkshire! What we dont have to put up with is disrespect and deliberate winding up. When you are a new nurse, especially if young and sheltered--if anyone is these days, but I was in the 1960s-----you are a bit wet behind the ears, but as you grow--hopefully fairly quickly! for purposes of survival, you learn where to joke, where to ignore and where to rebuke!

Maybe we sometimes get it wrong, but in 40 years I have only had a few "disasters" and looking back, I feel that although no Mother Teresa I have connected with all my patients pretty well, mostly positive and many times funny--the last we must qualify by stating that patients must never be wound up and baited--there was a bit of that in the bin by certain old "sylum 'tendants" which are related on my website but not allowed to be linked on here.

gs