[Mountain Nurse]

Well, I am a CNA and I used to work in a LTC facility. We had a man, who was maybe sixty. He had had a quadruple bypass surgery, and had came in on my 3-11 shift. The other aide I was working with went in to check him, and came back out as wide eyed as an owl. She said that mr so and so had a, had a, and then whispered to me that he had an erection. She weighed about 265 lbs, at least, but was convinced that it was her and refused to go back in. Later, we found out that he had ED and his propriopism was permanant. Wasnt the aide after all!!

[zambezi]

I live in a fairly small town and my husband is a small business owner and has lived here all of his live. About a year ago, I had a patient come into my unit post heart attack and stent placement. He was a nice guy, we got to talking and it turns out this patient was also a small business owner in a business my husband frequented. In turn, he knew of my husband's business. Well, my husband went into this man's business yesterday (he didn't know that I ever cared for this man in the hospital) and they got to talking. Somehow, the man remembered me and was talking to my husband re: his hospital stay and "how your wife has the coldest hands that have ever touched my balls".
Totally crass, but no lie...my husband said the shop just got kind of quiet as no one knew quite what to say to that comment.
(as a side note, i had to do a femoral a line pull and must have been palpating the groing area-- i swear i never touched him there though!)

AAAhhhh, the things people remember about us...

[Nurse Bob]

True story from the ER - JR was trying to trim the pubic hair off of his scrotum and he managed to snip off a little chunk of skin. I couldn't help but ask, "JR, why were you trying to trim the pubic hair off your scrotum?" JR:"Well, don't you ever get the hair caught in the mouth of your penis so when you go to pee it squirts one way and the other and you end up peeing on yourself?" Me: "No." JR: "Well, yours is probably bigger than mine." Me (glancning down) "No." JR had had a hard time stopping the bleeding so he had gone to the pantry and got one of the big plastic clips that are made to go on a Cheetos bag and he had snapped it onto the R side of his scrotum to control the bleeding. I sure hope the manufacturer had the foresight to add into their disclaimer: "This device is designed to use on Cheetos bags, if you clamp it onto your scrotum, manufacturer is not responsible if you turn yourself into half a yunic." (Td booster, gelfoam dressing, sent home..)

[smhrn]

Originally Posted by jennobrn01

Working in OB, I see it all. Some of the best stories stem from body ornamentation. Tattoo's and piercings are as creative as their owners.

The time had come for one of my pt.'s to have a vag. exam. After first talking through the procedure with her; I pulled back the covers. As the patient spread her legs, the little rodent footprints tatooed on both inner thighs...leading up to her perineum...were unavoidable. The patient willing said with a grin on her face..."Yup, that's my rat trap!"

lol

[Fgr8Out]

Originally Posted by Ruby Vee

Remember geriatric chairs? We used to Posey our wanderers into a geri chair for the day. Only ours didn't have brakes, and one old guy named Juan used to be able to push himself around the unit with his tippy toes. Backward. We'd put him out by the nurse's station on busy days, and everyone would sort of keep an eye on him -- even the house staff who all knew him well.

One particularly busy day, there were two codes going on at once and everyone was involved with one or the other of them. Juan scooted himself off the unit in his geri chair, and was found at the doorway to the firestairs trying to get the door open. The nursing supervisor brought him back. The next time, a patient's family member went to get the unit secretary, who pulled an NA out of a code to bring Juan back. The third time, a Harvard medical student encountered the nice old man Posey'd into a geri chair trying to open the door to the stairs. I'm sure he thought he was being helpful when he opened the door for the Juan and held it for him.

The next day when I came back to work, Juan was Poseyd in a geri chair wearing a cast over his entire torso and both shoulders. The toes still worked fine, though. I was determined not to have a repeat accident on MY shift, so the NA and I Poseyed Juan into the chair, and tied the chair to the sink in his room. The first sign that that may not have been a wise choice was when there was a loud crash followed by the sounds of gushing water and a flood pouring out of Juan's room. By the time I got there, Juan was propelling himself backward out of his room, dragging the sink. The housekeepers were not amused. Nor were the plumbers!

After that, we tied the chair to the handrail in the halls -- you know -- the ones patients are supposed to hang on to as they ambulate in the halls. Another poor decision. The rail wasn't attached to anything but dry wall . . . and following another loud crash (and some excited shouting) we found Juan propelling himself down the hall dragging the railing and a large chunk of dry wall. The carpenters were not amused. Nor was the couple in the room on the OTHER side of the dry wall . . . they were engaging in some long-postponed marital relations when Juan's removing a chunk of drywall exposed them to the entire unit!

Sadly, Juan's trip down the stairs backward ultimately caused his demise. He got a pressure sore under his cast, became septic, went into septic shock and arrested. We couldn't saw him out of the cast fast enough to start CPR in a timely fashion . . .

[alisunshine9]

I had one patient with dementia. He started reeling in his IV tubing like it was fishing line because he was sure he "caught a big one" on the other end. I went back to check on him after a few minutes and he had a magazine on his bed which wasn't there before. When I asked him where he got it he told me, "John Wayne gave it to me. He ususally comes at noon. He's late today. I wonder where he is?"
I was working with an aide, cleaning a woman who had soiled the bed when the woman shouted, "I'm going to go again. MOVE! Get out of the way! I'm going to stink you up!" She was so serious and it took all my strength not to fall on the floor laughing.

[Interested Party]

When I used to work in med/surg, as my usual practise after handover, I would say hello and introduce myself to all pts allocated to me for the shift then read the notes. I entered a 4 bedded room of 4 males, of which one was pleasantly confused, and then I noticed on his table, this catheter, still inflated (Ow! I thought but held myself).............he then stated, 'I found that in my bed, it's not mine' Needless to say, that night as I handed over to the next shift, the response I got were a simultaneous OW! and immediate leg crossings ......................

[zoeboboey]

Anybody notice this? I just read a post about a guy who cut himself while trimming pubic hair - then, at the bottom of the page, I saw half a dozen links for pubic hair trimming!

I did notice once when some were posting about bipolar that the links/ads at the bottom of the page led to links on bipolar illness!

This must be a smaht computah program!

Would be interesting to kinda keep tabs on this - what kinds of links that might be found depending on what you post (wonder how "wild" they can get, ha ha!)

[nursey_girl]

while prescepting a new OB nurse to our unit, we had the pleasure of taking care of a young asian woman who spoke little, if any english. Her husband remained at bedside as we got her to complete. Now to explain pushing! My orientee worked hard as are little asian squatted using a birthing bar. Our lil patient just stared at us obviously wore out. "poo poo", "doo doo", "hocky"!!! ..Over and over my lil orientee urged, complete with squatting and grunting gestures. Suddenly our patient leaned into her husband and whispered....To our amusement, the husband loudly exclaimed..."SHE SAY SHE HAVVA CHIT!!!!" ..."Yes", my orientee started jumping, and shouting..."CHIT..!!!CHIT!!!

[Adam D. RN2005]

Originally Posted by zoeboboey

Anybody notice this? I just read a post about a guy who cut himself while trimming pubic hair - then, at the bottom of the page, I saw half a dozen links for pubic hair trimming!

Yeah, I just noticed that too. How unexpected.