[stidget99]

I think that my funniest experience occurred while I was working home health. I had this female patient who was very slight on top but very wide across the bottom. One day, she soiled herself and her aide was unable to get her cleaned up. I was called to the home to lend a hand. It was decided that she was no longer able to remain at home so I called EMS for transfer to the local hospital. She had no clean gowns available so the plan was to transport her wrapped in blankets. Upon undressing her, the aide and I realized that she really wasn't that large across her hips........it was her breasts resting along side of her hips! When we (2 EMT's and myself) tried transferring her to the stretcher, we had a very difficult time controlling her breasts. This poor pt literally looked like she had two cantaloupes in a pair of nylons attached to her chest wall. The pt...obviously experienced in this situation....said "No problem. I know how to handle this". With that, she took both of her breasts and tossed them over her shoulders! They funny thing is that they stayed just where she put them!!! Once we got her on the stretcher, she was obviously uncomfortable w/ her laying on them. So, she pulled at the skin on her chest and they flapped back but fell off of the side of the stretcher. We tucked "all of her" in the sheet then secured her w/ the straps. We all excused ourselves back into the house where we all bust a gut laughing!!

[Psychaprn]

Psych is full of funny stories-as a new prescriber, I tried to educate my pts.that some of the antidepressants can cause delayed ejaculation. A young construction worker came to me with this problem. I told him, as we talked about the drug, to "hold it "for a week to see if things improved. He returned a week later telling me that holding his penis hadn't helped with the delayed ejaculation. Neeless to say, I learned to be MORE clear when telling patients to hold or stop a medication.

[imnmk_rn]

Ruby Vee, you have the most hilarious stories! I'd love to just sit around talking to you about old nursing stories! It seems like all the best stories come from you! Thanks for sharing!

[Ruby Vee]

Originally Posted by imnmk_rn

Ruby Vee, you have the most hilarious stories! I'd love to just sit around talking to you about old nursing stories! It seems like all the best stories come from you! Thanks for sharing!

Why, thank you! You're too kind!

[ernurseok]

We once had a patient come into the ER I work out that said she woke up and her toe was gone. Her big toe was a bloody, mangled stump. She was a diabetic and had neuropathy. She was also taking tons of medicines for her pain. After our doc examined her, he called her surgeon that she had seen in the past. When the surgeon got on the phone and we explained that she had no idea what had happened and just woke up to find her toe gone, he laughed, and said, oh no her dog chewed her other toe off.


One more......We once had a lady with delusions come in. I went in with the physician for the exam. We found her with her prothsetic eye in her hand. She licked it and put it back in the socket. The doctor turned to me and gave me this look. We both had to excuse ourselves to go and laugh in another room.

Originally Posted by trvlnRN

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other.

I keep remembering to a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient. I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room... I couldn't believe what I saw... An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery.... he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bedrail for extra support.... With both hands...HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT!!! Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

What's your story?

[tryingtomakeit]

When I was doing home health, I had a patient who was very demanding and could be outright rude at times. At one point she had a terrible stomach virus which made her a daily patient for a while - of course I got stuck with her while she was daily. One morning I went in and she was sitting at the kitchen counter looking positively green around the gills. I said, "***, Are you alright?" She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Hell NO! That Dr. is going to have to do something about these damn pills he gave me. They are too big to swallow and I have to cut them in half, and to top it all off, they are slimy and make me gag when I try to get them down!!" I nearly died laughing when I realized that the "pills" were glycerin suppositories ...

[Chad_KY_SRNA]

I once wandered into a res. room and found her to be watching REAL SEX on HBO. I just turned and left, it was still on when I came back up the hall, she was sitting there watching it in her recliner.

[MamaTheNurse]

Originally Posted by jennobrn01

Working in OB, I see it all. Some of the best stories stem from body ornamentation. Tattoo's and piercings are as creative as their owners.

The time had come for one of my pt.'s to have a vag. exam. After first talking through the procedure with her; I pulled back the covers. As the patient spread her legs, the little rodent footprints tatooed on both inner thighs...leading up to her perineum...were unavoidable. The patient willing said with a grin on her face..."Yup, that's my rat trap!"

oh yeah - OB is great - my husband misses the stories that I came home with when I worked in OB
we had a patient come in to deliver with a tatoo just above her pubic hair that was the a euphemism for female genitalia and below it was an arrow pointing down towards said body part - the OB who did her delivery was quite amused and said "How dumb are the guys that she's fooling around with that she has to provide them with directions to where they need to go?" I said "Well, obviously one was smart enough to follow the directions...."

[southern rn]

I had an old alcoholic man one night with lots of tattoos, across each butt cheek he had one word "the end ". i was also told by other staff he had a tattoo on his manhood, I made it my goal for the night to NOT know what that tattoo was! I sure hope ever who his tattoo artist was, he was well paid

[TBLPN]

I work in LTC 7p-7a. I have this little lady, incredibly sweet and funny although pleasantly confused, early 90's. She doesn't sleep much, we've lost many personal alarms because she hates them and throws them away or hides them. The other night about 1 am, she came to the desk, out of bed by herself, no alarm in sight, and I know it was there, I checked myself, anyway tells me in a very matter of fact tone " I need a tampon!" I reply: "I'm sorry, what did you say?" Again: "I need a tampon", I asked what for, trying to hide the laughter and she replies "because every time I stand up I dribble, and I want a tampon to keep it from doing that, call my doctor NOW!!!!!!! OMG, it was so funny, yet she was serious, we battled this situation for about 3 days, then she went on to 'I want a small, white dog, not a big dog, a small one, a real one'