[christyev]

I Brought A Suppository In To A Nauseated Elderly Client One Time. She Looked At Me And Said "honey, I Caint Swallow That Thang!"
I Nearly Fell Over.

[bedpan]

This one happened yesterday and I am typing it just as it was told to me -

Yesterday morning one of the gentleman residents at our nursing home told one of my fellow nurses that his doctor had been by earlier and told him he was going to have the nurses checking him regularly on his as he put it - "lower area"

She was a bit suspicious as she had not been told about this, but the doctor HAD been by that morning so -

She had him pull down his pants and as he sat on the bed she was going to look and see what it was she was supposed to be checking -

The poor old fellow was pretty much sitting on his penis so she gently pulled it out and looked the area over carefully to see what the problem might be

She told me that he began to get an erection and she told him that she saw a small amount of redness on his scrotum, but nothing that would warrant any type of treatment

It was then that he told her -



When he said "lower area" he meant his knees

[lucianurse]

When I was a nursing student years ago,we did cllinicals at seniors' residence. One of the residents was a frail woman about eight years old. When ever someone would ask her, "how are You?" Her response was always "so so and so".

[Sue7573]

From Administration Approved by Board of Directors
RE: New Policy Effective Immediately

DRESS CODE: You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAY: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary; the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early

BATHROOM BREAKS: Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board unter the "Chronic offender's category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim-fast.

Thankyou for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insiuations, allegations, accuasations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Sincerely,
Management

[Franemtnurse]

Originally Posted by bedpan

This one happened yesterday and I am typing it just as it was told to me -

Yesterday morning one of the gentleman residents at our nursing home told one of my fellow nurses that his doctor had been by earlier and told him he was going to have the nurses checking him regularly on his as he put it - "lower area"

She was a bit suspicious as she had not been told about this, but the doctor HAD been by that morning so -

She had him pull down his pants and as he sat on the bed she was going to look and see what it was she was supposed to be checking -

The poor old fellow was pretty much sitting on his penis so she gently pulled it out and looked the area over carefully to see what the problem might be

She told me that he began to get an erection and she told him that she saw a small amount of redness on his scrotum, but nothing that would warrant any type of treatment

It was then that he told her -



When he said "lower area" he meant his knees

Good one. I'll bet he liked that examination real well.

[SitcomNurse]

My Grandmother(God love her) was a Nurse. She relayed this story to me of her time in a Physical Rehab Nursing center.
A Patient had requested an icepack for some swelling, he was not on her assignment, but as a good nurse covering for friends on break, she went and got the traditional blue screw top ice bag used in her day, you know, the kind used in movies... Well, she said to the gentleman, here is your ice pack, and tossed it to him. It landed on his groin and he screamed so loud, she almost fell back. He had epididimitis, and the heavy ice filled pack had landed on its intended location!

Another ha ha from Nana... She ws taking a test for Nursing, and couldnt remember the answer to..What is the machine used to clean/sterilize instruments? (Dont you wish they asked those questions now?) Well, she handed in her paper with that question blank. The instructor glanced at it, and said, Fay..I'll give you a clue. What did you come here in today? A CAR was her answer.
Of course, the instructor was looking for the answer, Automobile, for Autoclave..
Gotta love Nana.

[Laurajnh]

After working for 20+ years in L&D, I started a new job working in a same day surgery center. I had a male patient who was preparing to be discharged after a vasectomy. I had him sit up for a little while, then told him he would have to dangle before he stood up. He looked at me with wide nervous eyes and asked me if he should'nt have pain medicine first. Why is it OB patients know exactly what is to be dangled when you say that?!

[lucianurse]

At the general hospital where I once worked, there was a ward sister(supervisor) who was as lazy as jack **** and seemed always to be in a daze. One day when the surgeon was making rounds, he questioned her about a patient receiving an enema which he had ordered the day before. She replied, " yes doctor, I gave it to him orally." The doctor looked at her, shaked his head and said, "You need to be in the Guinness Book of World Records."

[lucianurse]

Today,one of the clients who came to see the doctor was told by the assistant who checked her pressure that the reading was 200/100. Her reply was, oh! is it still 300? ( 200 +100=300). I burst into peals of laughter when I heard this.

[Sue7573]

What does the red stop sign in top right corner reading warned post mean?