[lucianurse]

A middle aged lady walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor I have lots of problems, from the top of my head to the sole of my feet." The doctor replied, "Tell me those in between."

[PumpkinsMami]

I was the intake nurse at a hopice that I used to work for. We had a pt to be admitted with Lung CA & Brain Mets that lived quite a distance from where our office was. I mapped the address for our admit nurse & sent her on her way.

She thought she was lost, because she had traveled quite a distance and hadn't found where she needed to turn. She called the pts home and asked for the pt's son to make sure she was headed in the right direction. He had answered the phone and gave her a new set of directions. Again, she called back because she felt even more lost and got yet another set of directions. Finally, after the 3rd call, she realized that the first two times she was actually speaking to the pt w/brain mets who had her going in circles for at least an hour.

No one tells the story as well as she does!! It was hysterical!

[TnValCNA]

Had a sweet ederly lady as a patient recently admitted the
other night to med/surg, (her room is nearby the nurses station)
and as I was doing vitals on her, she had the tv tuned to CNN
news channel watching coverage of the Michael Jackson case.
The patient made a funny comment about Michael and his
umbrella-toting man entering the courthouse to which I
laughed. She turned off the tv when I finished with her and
told me good night.

About an hour later her call light goes on and there's a pitiful
loud moaning coming from her room. I went and asked, "What's
wrong?" She had a wild-eyed look on her face and said, "Honey,
that thing's face gave me a nightmare, HE'S SCARY!"
I asked, "Who's face?"
The poor dear was actually trembling as she said, "Michael
Jackson's face, ohh that scary face, promise me you'll
leave my door open and leave the light on, PLEASE, I'm scared!!"
I calmed her down and did as she asked.

Back at the nurses station an rn asked me, "Why is that door now
open and the lights on low?" When I explained to her, we both had
to stifle ourselves.

[KJRN79]

Originally Posted by LeahJet

When I first became a nurse, I worked on a med/surg floor night shift. And as most night shifters, I became used to seeing in the dark. At about 5:30am, I was hunched down at the foot of the bed emptying a foley. Obviously hearing the sound of the urine flowing and seeing me hunched down, my sweet little lady patient with dementia peered down at me and said "Honey, I think they have a bathroom in here somewhere".

OMG!

[lucianurse]

When I worked as a clinical instructor a few years ago, one of the students' assignments was to conduct a physical exam on a client and then formulate a nursing diagnosis. One student, in her narrative summary of the client wrote,"Mr. Doe is an elderly man, he only has twenty teeth in his upper jaw."
I burst into peals of laughter when I read that. The senior lecturor asked me what was so funny. I told her that the student perhaps did not examin the client and wrote whatever she pleased since one can only have sixteen teeth in each jaw. Her reply to me was that it is quite possible to have twenty teeth in the upper jaw since her daughter had had her full set of teeth and she grew some more. Well, myself and another lectuter had the time of our lives laughing at this suggestion.

[TDub]

I taught Fundamentals of Nursing a couple years ago and had to explain at length that women had three holes (in the perineum) and men had two. The female student couldn't believe it and argued with me she only had two. She thought you peed out your vagina.*




* That's why she wouldn't use tampons. She might have a "blockage down there".

[Franemtnurse]

Originally Posted by TDub

I taught Fundamentals of Nursing a couple years ago and had to explain at length that women had three holes (in the perineum) and men had two. The female student couldn't believe it and argued with me she only had two. She thought you peed out your vagina.*




* That's why she wouldn't use tampons. She might have a "blockage down there".

Aaaaah, such memories; the spontaneous ones are the best!!!!! I once had a girl on my bus who asked me what a womb (pronounced like bomb) was. I laughed soo hard I nearly peed my pants. Now I pee them without even trying.

[HazelLPN]

Oh my goodness. I have so many. Way back in the dark ages when I was a student nurse, I was working in a Catholic hospital. It was a Sunday morning and the priest was coming to give communion to all the Catholic patients. One elderly lady received communion from the priest and said in a crackly voice "they sure don't give you much for breakfast in this place".

[zoeboboey]

Originally Posted by Franemtnurse

Aaaaah, such memories; the spontaneous ones are the best!!!!! I once had a girl on my bus who asked me what a womb (pronounced like bomb) was. I laughed soo hard I nearly peed my pants. Now I pee them without even trying.

That deserves a "BaDUMP BUMP!!"

[JustaPatient]

Originally Posted by NuNurse04

....

I was coming down the hall, when I heard a family member of one of our pts calling for a nurse. Mr. X, in the next bed who was put in the geri-chair with a restraint applied was attempting to get out. We found him with one of his legs dangling out from side of the chair, and him pushing off the little table (the restraint) with all his might. He said he needed to go to the bathroom "badly"....we quickly undid the restraint and stood him up. Man, was he in a rush! We had hardly had time to unlock the brakes of the chair ...so as to give him room to move...when he grabbed his nearby walker and started moving fast towards the bathroom. He banged the walker against the bed, the chair and the wall before he found a leeway...meanwhile, one of us is fumbling with the brakes on the chair while the other one is holding up the straps of his hospital pants (which are falling off his thinning waste). We make it to the bathroom in a rush and with some difficulty. When he enters, he looks around suspiciously, touches the sink, and looks at his reflection in the mirror. I'm standing behind him, making sure he doesn't fall. Well, Mr. X... didn't you want to use the bathroom? I ask. He looks down at the toilet seat and says, "well, I suppose since I am in here, I might as well sit down!" OMG - I couldn't hold myself ...I had to step out as I was suddenly hit with a wave of hysterics.

Was it Alzheimers? (I am not yet even a nursing student so I don't know the synptoms except forgetfulness