[VandyNurse714]

So, I'm here at work, and I was just reading up on my patient in her chart. I came across this little one-liner, and I just had to share!

"Mrs. X has IPF and aortic stenosis. We need her old records, will get from son. She has periodic breathing, not a good sign."

Ha! Share yours!

[PageRespiratory!]

Found this one in Pt's H & P (dictated by MD): "Pt continues to smoke, she will not admit to how much but I can tell you this, it is difficult to be within 3 feet of her."
We like this Doc!

[Booty Nurse]

Read this in a doc's progress note recently: "The patient is pretty much non-existent." Oh good, can I go home then?

[elizabells]

One of our attendings (we have a total of fifteen) will always, always, refer to a patient in his daily notes as "this precious/unfortunate little girl/boy" at least once during the patient's hospital stay. Some combination of precious/unfortunate along with the appropriate pronoun WILL appear in the chart if this guy is on service. The attendings dictate their notes into recorders, which are then typed and placed in the paper chart. The mental picture of this Dr calling a baby a "precious little boy" OUT LOUD makes my brain fall out of my ear. It's funny because he's such a jerk to nurses most of the time.

[EDNewbie]

I once worked with a cardiologist that wrote in a progress note, "This lady had A-fib that has unfortunately resolved." I think he meant that because it resolved he could not determine the etiology, but I laughed out loud when I read it.

[suespets]

nurse note read;pt.had lg b.m. ate on floor. visitor brought her cartoon of cigarettes.

[EricEnfermero]

Originally Posted by elizabells

Some combination of precious/unfortunate along with the appropriate pronoun WILL appear in the chart if this guy is on service.

The neurologist that interprets our EEG's has kind of the same thing going with a couple of phrases: "severely abnormal EEG" is one of them. He's so known for this phrase that it's become something of a joke among the nurses.

One day we got a progress note/EEG report on a 23 wkr with grade 4 IVH and constant seizing if the phenobarb level went <80. The charge nurse tells me, "Hey look! He doesn't have a 'severely abnormal EEG' after all!" "Really?! What the heck does he have then?"

"Deeply disturbing EEG," the note said.

[elizabells]

Originally Posted by EricEnfermero

"Deeply disturbing EEG," the note said.

Okay, it might be because I just got home from (another) awful shift, but that actually, literally made me laugh out loud.

We had a resident (one of my favorites, god love 'im) use the word "torture" (although he spelled it "torchure", the cutie-pie) in a chart in reference to some painful and ultimately unnecessary eyedrops we'd been using on a kid who turned out to be centrally blind. I could never quite bring myself to explain why that might not be the *best* word to use in a legal document...