[andylane78]

I know for a fact that some of these things are true--



For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For
those
who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin,Texas.......

Things I've learned from my children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4
inches deep.

2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to
spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by
a
ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too
late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year
old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Playdough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Superglue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they
do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not
like
ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time to my
house.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade... True story:

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of theThree
Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.
She read,"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow
full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that
straw to build my house?'"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man
said?"
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said... 'Holy Sh*t,
a
talking pig!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

[Shamrock]

If the same child pulled all those stunts I think they are quite inventive!! And maybe watching too much TV!! Funny!

[kittyw]

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens. ....

25. It takes 3 seconds to put out a plastic toy oven fire, and 10 hours to clear out the smoke with all fans running and all windows open.

[ShandyLynnRN]

Boy does that hit close to home! Does anyone have any ideas to what a six year old can do to "show how strong he is" without destroying flower pots and dinnerware?

[Sable's mom]

I'm not sure what they can do to show "how strong I am", but I do know that a six year old trying toshow "how high I can jump" can pull a ceiling fan out of the ceiling!! It was a VERY big mess - no injuries.

[LuvLife]

Thank you sooo much for that post...my husband and I WERE thinking about starting a family soon....LOL

[ShandyLynnRN]

When my son was 3, he was really into Toy Story and Buzz Lightyear. I don't know what made me get up earlier than usual... as I would usually just hear him playing in his room and snooze for a bit longer. So I was sitting on the couch, eating cereal (also don't know why the TV wasn't on because I ALWAYS had it on) and I hear a thump and a cry. This wasn't unusual, and at first I didn't think anything of it as I usually would just let him soothe himself. But I DID go to his room, and found him standing at the bottom of his brand new bunk bed with the dogs leash around his neck!!! Thank God that lease was longer than the height of his bed! He had put it around his neck and jumped from the top bunk. His answer to my obvious, "what the heck did you do!" was, "I was trying to fly like buzz lightyear."

He had a nasty "leash burn" on his neck for a few days, but he never tried THAT again. It was the first time in a long time that he wanted to sit in my lap and cuddle. Scared the heck outta me! He told me "if I had died, then you wouldn't have a little boy anymore".

[Liann]

26. Plastic "toy" hammers should not be used on glass coffee table tops.

Makes a terrible mess..luckily the frame held and the glass stayed put. My son's first word was "broke"

[Liann]

27. crayons that are given out to children at restaurants should be left at the restaurant.

and its corollary...

28. Check all pockets before running a load of boy laundry. Red crayon does NOT wash out...

[OBNURSEHEATHER]

Originally posted by andylane78
Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.