[RN-PA]

HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
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Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this true?

A: Your heart is good for only so many beats, and that's it...
don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car
by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow
eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a
steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of
delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable product
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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so
you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also
made out of grain. Bottoms up!
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Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio
is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to
one, etc.
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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is:
No Pain = Good.
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Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could
getting more vegetables be bad for you?
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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft
around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger
stomach.
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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans ... another
vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! "Round" is a shape!
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Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
have had about food and diets. And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but
rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand -
strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally
worn out, and screaming -

"WOO HOO! What a Ride!"

[webblarsk]

Love it!

[sharann]

LOVE it!

[TriageRN_34]

I loved this so much that I printed it off for my MD visit today just to make him laugh!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I will have the last statement put on my gravestone!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!

[Kingbandit]

I just talked to my HMO they are more than willing to allow and pay for a RUE-N-y SURGERY but they will not under any circumstance pay for any weightloss program. They say it does not last. $4800 vs $1200 what the F**K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!